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RE: Empire forum Chrismas single - 18/11/2011 1:15:06 PM   
matty_b


Posts: 14555
Joined: 19/10/2005
From: Outpost 31 calling McMurtle.
Fairytale of Off-topic

It was Christmas Eve, Piles
And a Thursday
When Homer said to me, he won't finish the poll
And then we asked JIm R
About Ricky Gervais
But he turned his head away and talked to Snake-Eyes
Got onto PA's mum
There was a queue of 61
And I've got a feeling
One of them was rawlinson
So happy Christmas
I love off-topic
And I can see a better time
When Fritzl ends a list


More to come later.

_____________________________

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cool Breeze
Mattyb is a shining example of what the perfect Empire Forum member is.


(in reply to Hood_Man)
Post #: 31
RE: Empire forum Chrismas single - 18/11/2011 1:17:47 PM   
MonsterCat


Posts: 7934
Joined: 24/3/2011
From: St. Albans, Hertfordshire


Post of the day. Well played, Matty.

_____________________________

"I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist and a theoretical philosopher. But above all, I am a man, a hopelessly inquisitive man, just like you."

Films watched in 2013

(in reply to matty_b)
Post #: 32
RE: Empire forum Chrismas single - 18/11/2011 1:18:38 PM   
Harry Tuttle


Posts: 7993
Joined: 12/11/2005
From: Sometime in the future.
I've now got Fairytale of New York stuck in my head.

There are far worse songs to have stuck in your head granted but it's still November. That's too early to have Xmas songs boring into your brain.

I blame you matty_b.

And your mum.

_____________________________

Acting...Naturaaal

Your knowledge of scientific biological transmogrification is only outmatched by your zest for kung-fu treachery!

Blood Island. So called because it's the exact shape of some blood

(in reply to matty_b)
Post #: 33
RE: Empire forum Chrismas single - 18/11/2011 1:20:23 PM   
matty_b


Posts: 14555
Joined: 19/10/2005
From: Outpost 31 calling McMurtle.
Will you forgive me if I give you a mention in the next bit?

quote:

ORIGINAL: MonsterCat



Post of the day. Well played, Matty.



I tank yew.

_____________________________

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cool Breeze
Mattyb is a shining example of what the perfect Empire Forum member is.


(in reply to MonsterCat)
Post #: 34
RE: Empire forum Chrismas single - 18/11/2011 1:23:04 PM   
Harry Tuttle


Posts: 7993
Joined: 12/11/2005
From: Sometime in the future.

quote:

ORIGINAL: matty_b

Will you forgive me if I give you a mention in the next bit?



I may, depends on the context .

I concur with MC btw, great post.

_____________________________

Acting...Naturaaal

Your knowledge of scientific biological transmogrification is only outmatched by your zest for kung-fu treachery!

Blood Island. So called because it's the exact shape of some blood

(in reply to matty_b)
Post #: 35
RE: Empire forum Chrismas single - 18/11/2011 1:45:09 PM   
Harry Lime


Posts: 5147
Joined: 30/9/2005
quote:

ORIGINAL: jonson


quote:

ORIGINAL: Harry Lime

I thought I had some great ideas but all I have typed in five minutes is "I Shot Santa (Cos I thought he was a Paedo)". I think it's probably best if I come back to it later.


Don't come back to it later Harry, it'll be 1000 words long, and the last verse will blame Hitler for those presents we never asked for.

Kilo - it needs to be charitable, or at least say it does, for more sales. You can pretend if you want, but dont tell anyone. Make people think 90% of the profits go to some hair-lipped Kenyans or something.
Throw in a disease or 2 as well, syphilis, that's a good one, well good in a raising money kind of way, not good if it's describing your cock.



It's probably best I don't. It started turning into some sinister hip-hop Christmas monster, I just remember:-

I Shot Santa
I thought he was a paedo
I saw him by her bed
Now he's deader than Toledo

Yeah, I shot Santa
I thought he was a baddy
I'd read in The Mail
That he'd snatched little Maddy


Then there was something about Father Christmas having a bulging sack and me having a shot-gun and it all goes fuzzy. I'm sure it will all come together eventually and I'll become massive in Plymouth.

_____________________________

"People think I have an interesting walk. Hell, I'm just trying to hold my gut in."

If I get there early will it be the right time
our heaven is just waiting so put your hand into mine.

(in reply to jonson)
Post #: 36
RE: Empire forum Chrismas single - 18/11/2011 1:54:58 PM   
Hood_Man


Posts: 12163
Joined: 30/9/2005
An old classic I remember from my school days:

Ho Ho Fucking Ho!

(in reply to Harry Lime)
Post #: 37
RE: Empire forum Chrismas single - 18/11/2011 1:59:02 PM   
rick_7


Posts: 6151
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: The internet
quote:

ORIGINAL: matty_b

Fairytale of Off-topic

It was Christmas Eve, Piles
And a Thursday
When Homer said to me, he won't finish the poll
And then we asked JIm R
About Ricky Gervais
But he turned his head away and talked to Snake-Eyes
Got onto PA's mum
There was a queue of 61
And I've got a feeling
One of them was rawlinson
So happy Christmas
I love off-topic
And I can see a better time
When Fritzl ends a list


More to come later.



_____________________________

*Wendy Hiller fanboy*

Blog: DJANGO! DUMBO! DESPICABLE ME 2! Plus: other stuff.

"Nothin's really been right since Sam the Lion died."

(in reply to matty_b)
Post #: 38
RE: Empire forum Chrismas single - 18/11/2011 2:06:07 PM   
superdan


Posts: 8250
Joined: 31/7/2008
quote:

ORIGINAL: matty_b

Fairytale of Off-topic

It was Christmas Eve, Piles
And a Thursday
When Homer said to me, he won't finish the poll
And then we asked JIm R
About Ricky Gervais
But he turned his head away and talked to Snake-Eyes
Got onto PA's mum
There was a queue of 61
And I've got a feeling
One of them was rawlinson
So happy Christmas
I love off-topic
And I can see a better time
When Fritzl ends a list


More to come later.


That is amazing.

(in reply to matty_b)
Post #: 39
RE: Empire forum Chrismas single - 18/11/2011 2:22:03 PM   
jonson


Posts: 9063
Joined: 30/9/2005
quote:

I Shot Santa
I thought he was a paedo
I saw him by her bed
Now he's deader than Toledo

Yeah, I shot Santa
I thought he was a baddy
I'd read in The Mail
That he'd snatched little Maddy


quote:

Got onto PA's mum
There was a queue of 61




I honestly think we're onto a winner here. A sure-fire money-making hit. You couldn't do that in a tent.

_____________________________

I've got all the Barbie ones!!!

Yeah but you're old. Really old. Old. Old. Old. Old.

(in reply to superdan)
Post #: 40
RE: Empire forum Chrismas single - 18/11/2011 2:37:16 PM   
MovieAddict247


Posts: 3751
Joined: 5/6/2009
quote:

ORIGINAL: matty_b

Fairytale of Off-topic

It was Christmas Eve, Piles
And a Thursday
When Homer said to me, he won't finish the poll
And then we asked JIm R
About Ricky Gervais
But he turned his head away and talked to Snake-Eyes
Got onto PA's mum
There was a queue of 61
And I've got a feeling
One of them was rawlinson
So happy Christmas
I love off-topic
And I can see a better time
When Fritzl ends a list


More to come later.


Bravo, sir. That's excellent.


_____________________________

VOTE NOW for your favourite vocalist - Empire's Favourite Voices

(in reply to matty_b)
Post #: 41
RE: Empire forum Chrismas single - 18/11/2011 2:38:56 PM   
matty_b


Posts: 14555
Joined: 19/10/2005
From: Outpost 31 calling McMurtle.
Aw, shucks...

Thanks really needs to go to all who gave me such rich material to work with.

_____________________________

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cool Breeze
Mattyb is a shining example of what the perfect Empire Forum member is.


(in reply to MovieAddict247)
Post #: 42
RE: Empire forum Chrismas single - 18/11/2011 2:40:26 PM   
nutteronabus


Posts: 645
Joined: 27/2/2006

quote:

ORIGINAL: rick_7

I am launching a rival single, angling for the RATM vote. It's called Another Fucking Empire Thursday and it's a thrash metal thing.



I'll play one of my other two drumbeats on this one.

_____________________________

ďYou think youíre so cultured because youíve gone to see Cats? You pampered upper-class drug-taking bitch!Ē

(in reply to rick_7)
Post #: 43
RE: Empire forum Chrismas single - 18/11/2011 3:15:39 PM   
DJ Satan


Posts: 9025
Joined: 26/10/2005
From: White Vaart Lane
I think you guys may have some competition for a Forum song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0RDMJ4OsUk



_____________________________

Don't try to tell me that some power can corrupt a person
You hadn't had enough to know what it's like
You're only angry cause you wish you were in my position
Now nod your head cause you know that I'm right..alright!

(in reply to nutteronabus)
Post #: 44
RE: Empire forum Chrismas single - 18/11/2011 3:18:38 PM   
MonsterCat


Posts: 7934
Joined: 24/3/2011
From: St. Albans, Hertfordshire

quote:

ORIGINAL: nutteronabus


quote:

ORIGINAL: rick_7

I am launching a rival single, angling for the RATM vote. It's called Another Fucking Empire Thursday and it's a thrash metal thing.



I'll play one of my other two drumbeats on this one.


I can do a pretty good Barney Greenway type metal voice. Just sayin'...


_____________________________

"I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist and a theoretical philosopher. But above all, I am a man, a hopelessly inquisitive man, just like you."

Films watched in 2013

(in reply to nutteronabus)
Post #: 45
RE: Empire forum Chrismas single - 18/11/2011 3:18:45 PM   
rawlinson

 

Posts: 45002
Joined: 13/6/2008
From: Timbuktu. Chinese or Fictional.
quote:

ORIGINAL: matty_b

Fairytale of Off-topic

It was Christmas Eve, Piles
And a Thursday
When Homer said to me, he won't finish the poll
And then we asked JIm R
About Ricky Gervais
But he turned his head away and talked to Snake-Eyes
Got onto PA's mum
There was a queue of 61
And I've got a feeling
One of them was rawlinson
So happy Christmas
I love off-topic
And I can see a better time
When Fritzl ends a list


More to come later.




(in reply to matty_b)
Post #: 46
RE: Empire forum Chrismas single - 18/11/2011 10:28:39 PM   
The2ndRing


Posts: 3957
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: rehab
I'll play the violin, in a drunk Irish style if that's what we're going for, I'm not Irish, but I am drunk.

_____________________________

I've been drunk for about a week now, and I thought it might sober me up to sit in a library

"Do you know what I like about you?
Fuck all."




(in reply to rawlinson)
Post #: 47
RE: Empire forum Chrismas single - 19/11/2011 3:51:30 AM   
Kilo_T_Mortal


Posts: 13534
Joined: 30/9/2005
quote:

ORIGINAL: The2ndRing

I'll play the violin, in a drunk Irish style if that's what we're going for, I'm not Irish, but I am drunk.


You're in


_____________________________

he's ruining my buestiful threat!

"She must have known about all this before she let that grinning loon put his space-cock anywhere near her?"
horribleives

(in reply to The2ndRing)
Post #: 48
RE: Empire forum Chrismas single - 19/11/2011 3:52:06 AM   
Kilo_T_Mortal


Posts: 13534
Joined: 30/9/2005
quote:

ORIGINAL: DJ Satan

I think you guys may have some competition for a Forum song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0RDMJ4OsUk




Not festive at all, ours will be festive. Festive.


_____________________________

he's ruining my buestiful threat!

"She must have known about all this before she let that grinning loon put his space-cock anywhere near her?"
horribleives

(in reply to DJ Satan)
Post #: 49
RE: Empire forum Chrismas single - 19/11/2011 11:36:44 AM   
Keyser Sozzled


Posts: 5999
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Dublin

quote:

ORIGINAL: Harry Lime

I thought I had some great ideas but all I have typed in five minutes is "I Shot Santa (Cos I thought he was a Paedo)". I think it's probably best if I come back to it later.


I like it.

_____________________________

I have no idea who any of them are, apart from Terry Pratchett who I know has got a beard and keeps going on about killing himself but never does.

(in reply to Harry Lime)
Post #: 50
RE: Empire forum Chrismas single - 19/11/2011 5:11:53 PM   
Rinc


Posts: 12825
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: A park bench, with a newspaper quilt
I apologise for this poor effort...


Itís forum time
Thereís no need to be PA
Heís worse than Swords,
Annoys us all and he canít get laid

And in this world, of Devi
You can cry your eyes in shame
Throw your arms around the trolls
Itís forum time

But post a meme
And reply to Rick_7
At forum time,
The Gervais thread is my heaven

Thereís a spammer in the reviews
Pushing their handbags the most
But we all enjoy them better
Than the rubbish Piles will post

To sleep with matty's mother
Will cause us all our doom
Well tonight thank god itís Rawls
Instead of you

And there wonít be posts in Off Topic this forum time
Internal server error makes me cry (oooh)
Darth Silas is not fond
Of Dan Craig as James Bond
Do they know itís forum time at all?

Hereís Keyser and his drunken posts once more
Jonson born in 1824
Do they know itís forum time at all?

Feed the trolls
Feed the trolls
Feed the trolls
Let them know itís forum time
Feed the trolls
Let them know itís forum time
Feed the trolls
Let them know itís forum time

< Message edited by Rinc -- 19/11/2011 5:12:13 PM >


_____________________________

No spoilers please:

Invisiotext:
[ color=#F1F1F1 ]text[ /color ]

(in reply to Keyser Sozzled)
Post #: 51
RE: Empire forum Chrismas single - 19/11/2011 5:19:09 PM   
MonsterCat


Posts: 7934
Joined: 24/3/2011
From: St. Albans, Hertfordshire
Nice one, Rinc.

You're the Weird Al Yankovic of Empire.

_____________________________

"I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist and a theoretical philosopher. But above all, I am a man, a hopelessly inquisitive man, just like you."

Films watched in 2013

(in reply to Rinc)
Post #: 52
RE: Empire forum Chrismas single - 19/11/2011 5:46:08 PM   
matty_b


Posts: 14555
Joined: 19/10/2005
From: Outpost 31 calling McMurtle.


_____________________________

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cool Breeze
Mattyb is a shining example of what the perfect Empire Forum member is.


(in reply to MonsterCat)
Post #: 53
RE: Empire forum Chrismas single - 19/11/2011 5:49:22 PM   
Piles


Posts: 5545
Joined: 6/8/2007
From: Whalley Range
I saw Dev's Mum blowing Santa Claus,
Underneath 10 wanking guys last night,
She didn't see me creep
down the stairs to have a peep;
She thought that she was alone
(except for 10 guys stroking their meat),
Then, whilst Santa Clause was on all fours,
Rawls sprayed his beard so mirky white,
Oh, what a laugh it would have been
If matty had only seen,
But he was upstairs holding Devi tight.

_____________________________

Top 100 Moz Songs / Top 100 Films

(in reply to matty_b)
Post #: 54
RE: Empire forum Chrismas single - 19/11/2011 5:50:35 PM   
Rgirvan44


Posts: 19049
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Punishment Park
A truely heartwarming song. 

_____________________________

It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known.


(in reply to Piles)
Post #: 55
RE: Empire forum Chrismas single - 19/11/2011 5:51:37 PM   
matty_b


Posts: 14555
Joined: 19/10/2005
From: Outpost 31 calling McMurtle.
Now there's an advent calendar in waiting.

_____________________________

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cool Breeze
Mattyb is a shining example of what the perfect Empire Forum member is.


(in reply to Rgirvan44)
Post #: 56
RE: Empire forum Chrismas single - 19/11/2011 5:57:57 PM   
superdan


Posts: 8250
Joined: 31/7/2008
quote:

ORIGINAL: Piles

I saw Dev's Mum blowing Santa Claus,
Underneath 10 wanking guys last night,
She didn't see me creep
down the stairs to have a peep;
She thought that she was alone
(except for 10 guys stroking their meat),
Then, whilst Santa Clause was on all fours,
Rawls sprayed his beard so mirky white,
Oh, what a laugh it would have been
If matty had only seen,
But he was upstairs holding Devi tight.




(in reply to Piles)
Post #: 57
RE: Empire forum Chrismas single - 19/11/2011 5:59:25 PM   
MonsterCat


Posts: 7934
Joined: 24/3/2011
From: St. Albans, Hertfordshire

quote:

ORIGINAL: Piles

I saw Dev's Mum blowing Santa Claus,
Underneath 10 wanking guys last night,
She didn't see me creep
down the stairs to have a peep;
She thought that she was alone
(except for 10 guys stroking their meat),
Then, whilst Santa Clause was on all fours,
Rawls sprayed his beard so mirky white,
Oh, what a laugh it would have been
If matty had only seen,
But he was upstairs holding Devi tight.


Brilliant.


_____________________________

"I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist and a theoretical philosopher. But above all, I am a man, a hopelessly inquisitive man, just like you."

Films watched in 2013

(in reply to Piles)
Post #: 58
RE: Empire forum Chrismas single - 19/11/2011 6:25:53 PM   
Hood_Man


Posts: 12163
Joined: 30/9/2005

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rinc

I apologise for this poor effort...


Itís forum time
Thereís no need to be PA
Heís worse than Swords,
Annoys us all and he canít get laid

And in this world, of Devi
You can cry your eyes in shame
Throw your arms around the trolls
Itís forum time

But post a meme
And reply to Rick_7
At forum time,
The Gervais thread is my heaven

Thereís a spammer in the reviews
Pushing their handbags the most
But we all enjoy them better
Than the rubbish Piles will post

To sleep with matty's mother
Will cause us all our doom
Well tonight thank god itís Rawls
Instead of you

And there wonít be posts in Off Topic this forum time
Internal server error makes me cry (oooh)
Darth Silas is not fond
Of Dan Craig as James Bond

Do they know itís forum time at all?

Hereís Keyser and his drunken posts once more
Jonson born in 1824
Do they know itís forum time at all?

Feed the trolls
Feed the trolls
Feed the trolls
Let them know itís forum time
Feed the trolls
Let them know itís forum time
Feed the trolls
Let them know itís forum time

Oh man, that is glorious, I can truly, honestly, 100% truthfully say I've got tears in my eyes reading this Especially the bits in bold!

(in reply to Rinc)
Post #: 59
RE: Empire forum Chrismas single - 19/11/2011 8:15:31 PM   
homersimpson_esq


Posts: 20118
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Springfield
I'm dreaming of an Orange Forum
Just like the one I used to know.
Where the trolls got bannťd,
And forums spammťd
By those advertising porn.

I'm dreaming of an Orange Forum
With every spammer that I ban
I shall now go suck on this lozenge,
So that all your Forums may be orange.


_____________________________

That deep-browed Homer ruled as his demesne.


Bristol Bad Film Club
A place where movie fans can come and behold some of the most awful films ever put to celluloid.

(in reply to Hood_Man)
Post #: 60
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