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Immortals - 10/11/2011 10:04:02 AM   
Empire Admin

 

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Post #: 1
Stone me! - 10/11/2011 10:04:03 AM   
tallaght24

 

Posts: 733
Joined: 20/2/2007
What happened guys? Was it a competition to see who could fit their review on the back of a stamp, winner gets published? Jesus wept!

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Post #: 2
Reviewing the reviewer? - 10/11/2011 10:32:24 AM   
TomBowler

 

Posts: 31
Joined: 4/2/2010
I may be wrong but isn't the point of these reviews to comment on the film, not the reviewer?

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Post #: 3
So whats it about again??? - 10/11/2011 10:40:55 AM   
ongbakdan


Posts: 180
Joined: 25/7/2006
I wouldnt normally coment on reviews but this one is rather odd. Incredibley short and goes into very little information about plot, characters, quality of effects etc... Come on guys this isnt the Metro!

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Post #: 4
So whats it about again??? - 10/11/2011 10:40:58 AM   
ongbakdan


Posts: 180
Joined: 25/7/2006
I wouldnt normally coment on reviews but this one is rather odd. Incredibley short and goes into very little information about plot, characters, quality of effects etc... Come on guys this isnt the Metro!

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Post #: 5
RE: So whats it about again??? - 10/11/2011 11:24:01 AM   
lukeyboy


Posts: 1638
Joined: 11/10/2005
From: Saaaaf Laaandaan you slaaag!
Is this the review that's going in the magazine? Bit short for a film like this don't you think?

I'm really looking forward to seeing Cavill as Superman - I just hope the review doesn't go:

S'alright! It starts, he fly's, it ends. The suit looks good though!



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Post #: 6
- 10/11/2011 12:15:00 PM   
jamesjewell1983

 

Posts: 47
Joined: 6/9/2006
From: plymouth, uk
Empire is becoming a bit like the NME. Great for news and interviews.
Pretty awful at actual reviews.
May head over to Sight & Sound instead

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Post #: 7
RE: - 10/11/2011 12:50:28 PM   
Beno


Posts: 8117
Joined: 15/2/2007
From: Sheffield
Cant find the link to click for the full review?!?!?


OH! Hang on! Thats it?


One of the best things about Empire is the reviews, even if i dont always agree with them fully. Having said that they are mostly informative, well written and cover all the bases. What happened here?
There was another review recently - which i forget cos .... well.... cos it was just as tiny .... so i forgot which movie. But it was an Empire review, like this one, miniscule.
Cmon guys. You be better than this. I hope this isnt the start of a new trend. Or the need to fit more ads in the Mag or more pages about gadgets.




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Post #: 8
RE: RE: - 10/11/2011 1:17:49 PM   
Rgirvan44


Posts: 19039
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Punishment Park
The reason is that it is a small review is that when the next issue of Empire comes out, the film will have been out for weeks and therefore not merit much more of a comment.

Happens all the time.


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Post #: 9
RE: RE: - 10/11/2011 1:30:06 PM   
superdan


Posts: 8054
Joined: 31/7/2008
To be fair, having just seen the film there's really not much that can be said about it anyway since it is so empty. Shallower than a puddle, though the fight scenes are well done and I couldn't agree more about the last sentence in the 'review'. I'd never seen Cavill in anything before, but I think they appear to have made a great choice for Superman.

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Post #: 10
- 10/11/2011 3:29:50 PM   
umer_ejaz

 

Posts: 1271
Joined: 9/12/2005
Empire - To be called the biggest movie magazine in the country, it's a bit mystifying as to why you would write 3 long sentences on a blockbuster movie of this standard. I always thought that with every film there should be an extremely long review but with this, all the readers of Empire could have written this review, even if some of us don't have a degree in journalism!

My point is: I would love to have read a longer review of this movie rather than below standard review from a movie website which I rate highly. Dissapointing

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Post #: 11
my 2 cents - 11/11/2011 12:07:49 AM   
Tatious316

 

Posts: 2
Joined: 11/11/2011
I agree with the other commenters in this thread, I do not tend to slag off other reviewers opinions and such, as at the end of the day, people should not rely on just one reviewers opinion of a film to judge its quality. However my main problem with this review, is that the only points it made were in relation to other films made by the director, neither of which I have seen, therefore I am unable to make a connection between the negative issues described in those films. This is, of course, not usually a problem, many reviewers refer back to older films the director has made but as already stated the only points discussed about THIS film, are related to older films.

In relation to the film itself, I will be seeing it tomorrow and it looks positively epic, so I'm gonna put a prediction of 4 stars, might revisit tomorrow to say whether I am right.

< Message edited by Tatious316 -- 11/11/2011 12:09:36 AM >

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Post #: 12
RE: my 2 cents - 11/11/2011 4:47:40 PM   
Wild about Wilder


Posts: 1630
Joined: 9/4/2010
From: Hertfordshire
Kermodes just given it a right good kicking, supposedly it was cut so as not to be an 18

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Post #: 13
RE: my 2 cents - 11/11/2011 5:49:42 PM   
superdan


Posts: 8054
Joined: 31/7/2008
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wild about Wilder

Kermodes just given it a right good kicking, supposedly it was cut so as not to be an 18


It's obvious that it was, some of the editing is pretty poor.

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Post #: 14
RE: my 2 cents - 12/11/2011 7:43:30 PM   
Hood_Man


Posts: 12121
Joined: 30/9/2005
It's brutal enough as it is! I actually enjoyed this a lot, the story didn't really do anything for me but the action was terrific. No over-reliance on hyper editing and supershort shots to try and make an exciting action scene, some of the takes were actually quite long with plenty of sword swinging and body flipping/twirling etc going on in the frame. I wish more directors would pay attention to that!

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Post #: 15
- 13/11/2011 7:57:35 PM   
MoJo16

 

Posts: 3
Joined: 15/6/2011
The story was rather standard and dull: underdog is chosen to lead against overpowering evil man to help save mankind, but the visuals definitely made this film. 'The Fall' is astoundingly beautiful, and it's great to see what Tarsem Singh has done with a bigger budget and created another gorgeous film with the costumes and sets, and the 3D actually added to the effect, though it might not have been needed. Overall, a decent film. can't wait for Tarsem's Snow White (and more of Henry Cavill!)

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Post #: 16
Prefer short reviews - 14/11/2011 1:15:48 AM   
BatSpider


Posts: 170
Joined: 6/7/2010
They don't give away spoilers, and leave you with plenty of room to breathe when watching the movie without too many pre-conceptions. Also, shorter reviews don't look like they're being written to suck up to pretentious twats. My golden rule is the longer the Empire review, the more over-rated the movie probably is. This review is just fine and does enough to make me want to see the movie. 3 stars here as I don't yet know whether the movie really is good or bad. Will report back later, fans!

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Post #: 17
RE: Prefer short reviews - 14/11/2011 9:34:16 AM   
Wild about Wilder


Posts: 1630
Joined: 9/4/2010
From: Hertfordshire
Oh well even though it didn't seem to go down to well on Rottern Tomatoes it doesn't seem to have stopped the "ever disurning ?" US public going out & spending $32million at the weekend box-office

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Post #: 18
RE: Prefer short reviews - 14/11/2011 1:45:16 PM   
blackduck


Posts: 1601
Joined: 1/10/2005
Thought the movie was ok overall.

Firstly the 3D is ok if you like that kind of thing doesn't add or detract form the film ( pain in the arse if your local cinema doesn't give you an option though)

The plot skips along at a hectic pace often jumping over bits of plot you have to fill in yourself.
There are some nice set pieces but the all important rousing speech bit is nearly like a Monthy Python sketch.
....and there is a nagging feeling that things would have worked out better for everyone if Thesouis had kept his nose out of everything.

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Post #: 19
RE: Prefer short reviews - 14/11/2011 2:12:33 PM   
Cruisecontroller


Posts: 4426
Joined: 28/4/2006
It`s stunning to watch, very LOUD (bring ear plugs) and some of the helmets and face masks are unintentionally funny. Poseidons head gear is very Princess Leia and those outfits the Oracle and her female friends have and priests with lighted candles on there heads are just daft. They might have been modelled on a graphic novel or costumes of the time I`m not sure but they make it hard to take the film seriously.  Good but the story could have been better. 3/5 





< Message edited by Cruisecontroller -- 14/11/2011 2:13:42 PM >


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Last five movies seen & rated by me.

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3.Devils Due.3/5
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5.Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones. 3/5

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Post #: 20
RE: Prefer short reviews - 14/11/2011 4:53:38 PM   
blackduck


Posts: 1601
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cruisecontroller

It`s stunning to watch, very LOUD (bring ear plugs) and some of the helmets and face masks are unintentionally funny. Poseidons head gear is very Princess Leia and those outfits the Oracle and her female friends have and priests with lighted candles on there heads are just daft. They might have been modelled on a graphic novel or costumes of the time I`m not sure but they make it hard to take the film seriously.  Good but the story could have been better. 3/5 






Zeus helmet looks like a chicken.

Also, not up on my mythology but shouldn't the Titans be bigger? Isn't that thier thing?

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Post #: 21
RE: Prefer short reviews - 14/11/2011 6:01:56 PM   
Debonair Film Club

 

Posts: 21
Joined: 28/3/2011
From: London
Going to see this tonight, not really out of choice but not much else on. 

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Post #: 22
RE: Prefer short reviews - 14/11/2011 9:21:29 PM   
Dr Lenera

 

Posts: 3828
Joined: 19/10/2005
 Eons ago, before animal and man walked the earth, the Gods defended the world from the evil Titans and imprisoned them in Mt Tartarus.  Now, the cruel King Hyperion has declared war on humanity, and, gathering a bloodthirsty army of soldiers disfigured by his own hand, rampages through Greece in search of the Epirus Bow, a weapon of great power forged in on Mt Olympus by the god Ares.   He who possesses it can unleash the Titans, and this Hyperion wants to achieve.   When Hyperion sacks one particular village though, he slays the mother of a stonemason called Theseus.  Though he is overcome by Hyperion's men and placed unto slavery, he encounters the Sybelline Oracle, where Phaedra has had visions that convince her Theseus could be the one to save Greece……….


Greek mythology, despite having some of the most imaginative and exciting stories in the world, has had a bit of a raw deal when it comes to the cinema, that is when it's been filmed at all, which is not very often.  Although Jason And The Argonauts and Clash Of The Titans are terrifically entertaining romps, they do play fast and loose with the source material, and most of the Italian 'muscleman' movies from the late 50s and the 60s are just very poor.  Disney's Hercules, to me, is the best and most faithful depiction of Greek mythology  which sounds like a strange statement I know.  Of course last year's Clash Of The Titans was a load of rubbish and sadly Immortals, despite having a script by two Greeks, isn't much better.  It's Greek mythology for dummies.  Elements from 300, The Lord Of The Rings, Conan The Barbarian and a load of other fantasy movies have been put into a blender but the result comes out tasting rather foul, a grinding, monotonous slog of a film which doesn't even seem to try to be entertain very much.

It does seem rather promising at first, opening with rather scary shots of the Titans in their prison, and the background to thestory is nicely shown via wall paintings, looking effectively strange and uncanny with certain elements sticking out at you.  The first major action scene, with Theseus dispatching lots and lots of soldiers as he tries to save his mother, has a fantastic kinetic energy.  However, the film soon gets sunk with its awful dialogue and idiotic scripting.  The basis for the story of the film is the last bit of the story of Heracles, where the Titans attack Mt Olympus, and elements of the tale of Theseus are obviously mixed in, but everything is simplified and dumbed down to a moronic level, and sometimes down to the level of the horrid 300.  Of course not everyone will be concerned that it's faithful to its inspirations, they will just want to see a fun fantasy actioner, but sadly Immortals just isn't much fun, in fact it has a heavy, grim feel much like the shoddy Conan The Barbarian remake.   I'm not saying that the film should be full of jokes, but stories like these should be entertaining, they are not supposed to be borderline horror films.  Likewise, dumb action movies can be great if done well, but Immortals just treats its audience with total contempt.  Even if you have no knowledge of mythology, surely you would expect the Titans to be large, because you know the word 'titan' or 'titanic'?   Here though, they are of normal size.

Visually, at least, some effort has been made.  Of course you would expect nothing less from the director of The Cell and The Fall, and Immortals is full of stunning sights.    The camera follows arrows to their target, swoops up from the ground backwards into the air to end inside what turns out to be the eye of one of the Goddesses on Mt Olympus, and continually shoots things from strange angles, while almost everything is bathed in gold, as if Tarsim Singh is literally trying to turn shit into gold.  He also shoots fight scenes well, often letting the camera remain still so we can properly see what is going on.   However, these scenes are disappointingly short with the final Gods Vs Titans battle a bit of an anti-climax and suffering from cramped staging.  I was looking forward to loads of God action, in the manner of The Illiad, and just didn't get it.  The mostly male Gods themselves, all young, pretty looking and usually topless, hang around Mt Olympus looking more like participants in some body lotion advert than anything else.  In fact the whole film looks like some kind of gay sado-masochistic porno, what with all the fetishistic clothing design and showing off of bodies, except that that would probably more fun even to this 'straight' reviewer.  The romance is pointless, and the characters all one note.  Even the humans don't seem very human.  Then of course there's lots of violence, with Hyperion in particular gouging out eyes and slitting throats with glee, but it's all so boring and pointless, and by the way it's easy to tell when shots have been removed to get that all-important '15' rating.

Except for John Hurt as the obligatory 'teacher' character and Mickey Rourke in Iron Man 2 villaim mode, the acting is mostly very weak, with Henry Cavill in no way showing he would be a good Superman.  Trevor Morris' score has the odd nice slow tracks with unusual instrumentation, but most of the music sounds like the usual soulless Hans Zimmer-type rubbish you usually hear nowadays.  Honestly, why the hell does every other film score these days have to sound the same?  I'm sorry to say Immortals annoyed the hell out of me, a stupid, soulless mess of a film that had so much potential.  I will admit it is superbly directed [though you may easily mistake it for a Zach Snyder movie] and is visually impressive, but pretty much everything else about this movie is garbage and if it wasn't for the afore mentioned aspects it would really deseve two stars or less.  Rather than getting involved in what was going on onscreen, I just kept wishing Zeus would really come down to Earth and imprison everyone involved with Immortals [and this includes the director for wasting time trying to polish a turd], in Mt Tartarus so that they can't make another piece of crap like this again.
Rating:3/10

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RE: Prefer short reviews - 16/11/2011 1:41:15 PM   
Wild about Wilder


Posts: 1630
Joined: 9/4/2010
From: Hertfordshire
For a film with quite a lot of action I found it to be pretty boring what with some of the made up shit tossed in aswell 1 famous God killing another also the 3d must be a nightmare what with it being so dark. BUT! will agree with earlier quote looks like they've picked a good un for Superman in Cavill.
overall 6/10

< Message edited by Wild about Wilder -- 16/11/2011 1:42:50 PM >

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Post #: 24
RE: Prefer short reviews - 16/11/2011 3:02:06 PM   
sharkboy


Posts: 6274
Joined: 26/9/2005
From: Belfast
This movie reminded me of Naomi Campbell - visually stunning but totally shallow.  That's not to say it wasn't fun at times - Rourke takes hamming it up to a new level and Ares really knows how to make an entrance! - but there wasn't really anything we hadn't seen already so many times before.   Hyperion's armies were all sufficiently menacing enough, and given it was a movie featuring mythological gods, I liked that they didn't just go for the usual approach in their take on the Minotaur's origins.

But there was nothing there to hold attention for the almost 2 hour running time of the movie.  Shoddy editing, poorly written scripts and dull direction (when not doing fight scenes - credit where it's due!) all brought this down to earth.

I'm not convinced either that we've got our Superman here- sure, he looked all buffed and shiny, but that's not what wearing the big S is all about!  Cavill looked the part, but there was still something missing in his portrayal of Theseus to make me wonder whether he's got the chops to carry Clark.

Oh, and titans weren't necessarily big (they've often been confused with the giants that were also freed from Tartarus, to the extent that their name became synonymous with size), but I'd bet they still didn't look like the world's worst table football game!

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Post #: 25
Disappointing - 17/11/2011 11:27:48 AM   
Bobby TwoTimes

 

Posts: 85
Joined: 18/3/2008
This film is sh!t and gay!

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Post #: 26
Disappointing - 17/11/2011 11:27:49 AM   
Bobby TwoTimes

 

Posts: 85
Joined: 18/3/2008
This film is sh!t and gay!

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Post #: 27
RE: Disappointing - 17/11/2011 6:58:33 PM   
BatSpider


Posts: 170
Joined: 6/7/2010

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobby TwoTimes

This film is sh!t and gay!


lol!

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Post #: 28
RE: Disappointing - 17/11/2011 7:20:10 PM   
Herr Schnitzel

 

Posts: 205
Joined: 1/2/2009

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobby TwoTimes

This film is sh!t and gay!


The film is shit. I am gay. Fuck off !

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Post #: 29
- 17/11/2011 8:17:16 PM   
skeletonjack


Posts: 1299
Joined: 30/9/2005
In keeping inline with the short reviews I'll keep it brief: shite.

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Post #: 30
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