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RE: jaw drop - 5/7/2011 10:51:11 AM   
rawlinson

 

Posts: 45002
Joined: 13/6/2008
From: Timbuktu. Chinese or Fictional.
quote:

ORIGINAL: matty_b

quote:

ORIGINAL: elab49

quote:

ORIGINAL: matty_b

Ah, you must be new to the reviews section of the forums.

Just wait till Super 8 is released.



Is this really going to be that controversial?

I might take August off


I can't see it getting any less than four stars, possibly the full five, which will no doubt lead to endless posts of "EMPIRE GIVZ ALL THERE FRENDS FIVE STARZ!!!! YOU GUYS SUK!"



I'm hoping the thread for the Straw Dogs remake will be glorious.

(in reply to matty_b)
Post #: 481
RE: jaw drop - 5/7/2011 11:16:49 AM   
cerebusboy


Posts: 1552
Joined: 1/5/2006

quote:

ORIGINAL: UTB

quote:

ORIGINAL: NinjaShortbread212

Just reading recent posts, I know I haven't posted on this topic... I'm not a Bay fan but JEEZE! Do things really have to get so hot headed? You would think some of you were sworn enemies.

I think things need to chill down a bit.



Here is the order of things in major release review threads:

1. Review posted
2. Five or so comments on what a shit review it is.
3. Two or so comments questioning why the review is being reviewed
4. Inevitably, someone points out that the orginal post says "Post your comments on this article"
5. Comparison of star rating begins. If sequel, film is compared to previous film. If non-sequel, film compared to a blockbuster from 10 years ago. If given Five stars, film compared to Oscar winner from the 70's. If given 1 star, compared to Taken.
6. Comments questioning why Empire put said film on cover 7 months ago then give it shit review. 
7. Thread ends with a "well, I enjoyed it" comment 9 months later.

Rinse and repeat.



I do hope that Empire gets set access for Taken 2, if only for the blown minds when it fails to get to Five Stars

( Although I'm surprised that the original Taken's star rating hasn't been reviewed. It's mindless but perfectly competent 3 star entertainment (at worst))



(in reply to UTB)
Post #: 482
RE: jaw drop - 5/7/2011 11:24:59 AM   
cerebusboy


Posts: 1552
Joined: 1/5/2006


Slight tangent but : does anyone know which director (whose made multiple films) has the best star rating average in Empire? Does anyone have a perfect record of fives? I'd guess Kubrick, but the only one of Terrence Malick's films that didn't get Five Stars was The New World, with Four. In contrast, you'd expect Spielberg's average to be pulled down by the likes of 1941 (although IIRC even Munich and Amistad got Five Stars), and James Cameron stared his career with the one star Piranha 2.

(in reply to cerebusboy)
Post #: 483
RE: Your star ratings are screwed - 5/7/2011 11:25:49 AM   
Hightower


Posts: 82
Joined: 22/2/2010
From: Wales
Watched Transformers 3 in 3D at IMAX Cinema on the weekend. Boy did it look pretty on the big screen and suprisingly so did Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. It's certainly the biggest out of the 3, loads better than the second but just misses some of that charm from the first. The last hour had the hairs on my neck doing backflips... If your after great mindless bot action, then this ticks all those boxes.

Having watched it myself I do think the empire review was a little harsh, but hey its just one persons review which he's more than entitled to.

It would easily get a 3 and half stars out of 5 if not more from me!

Not everyone gets Transformers, but isnt that what makes it special?

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Post #: 484
RE: Eh? - 5/7/2011 2:23:47 PM   
Wild about Wilder


Posts: 1652
Joined: 9/4/2010
From: Hertfordshire
Actually get a copy on a Friday off my mate as like the puzzles section, fighting Talk & film charts & as it don't cost me anything i'm prfectly willing 2 accept it.
Also will see T.D.O.M again in a couple of weeks to be sure of my judgement as have made mistakes before as in BatMan Begins didn't like it saw it again from a non fanboy perspective & enjoyed it a lot which may be my trouble with this?

(in reply to cerebusboy)
Post #: 485
RE: jaw drop - 5/7/2011 2:41:51 PM   
NinjaShortbread212


Posts: 4542
Joined: 26/4/2011
From: Edinburger, Scottyland

quote:

ORIGINAL: matty_b

Ah, you must be new to the reviews section of the forums.

Just wait till Super 8 is released.



Not really, I've posted before. Spaldy is my significant other and I just so happened to drop by on this thread to see what all the fuss was about. I thought it was getting a bit too bitchy and personal for a healthy debate.
Anyhoo, sorry for the intrusion... I was quite bored when I posted my opinion!

_____________________________

Art

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Post #: 486
RE: jaw drop - 5/7/2011 2:53:25 PM   
shool


Posts: 10062
Joined: 24/3/2006
From: In The Pipe, Five by Five.
If you can ask Spaldy to refrain from quoting a newbie poster with just an insult underneath then, that would be great.

Sorry Spaldy, but those sorts of posts only antagonise. The rule of empire has always been attack the post and not the poster. Ta.

< Message edited by shool -- 5/7/2011 3:19:19 PM >


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Post #: 487
RE: jaw drop - 5/7/2011 3:17:49 PM   
NinjaShortbread212


Posts: 4542
Joined: 26/4/2011
From: Edinburger, Scottyland
I hear what you're saying, (that's kinda why I posted on here).
He is a law unto himself sometimes!


< Message edited by NinjaShortbread212 -- 5/7/2011 3:20:20 PM >


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Art

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Post #: 488
RE: jaw drop - 5/7/2011 4:05:05 PM   
Spaldron


Posts: 10485
Joined: 6/10/2006
From: Chair

quote:

ORIGINAL: shool

If you can ask Spaldy to refrain from quoting a newbie poster with just an insult underneath then, that would be great.

Sorry Spaldy, but those sorts of posts only antagonise. The rule of empire has always been attack the post and not the poster. Ta.


WTF! Alright pick on me again as usual and ignore the hundreds of other abusive and "downright insulting to the intelligence" posts I've seen here! Sorry but if a newbie or anyone else posts a dipshit statement I'm within my right to raise the issue.



And another thing how come their posts got three stars even though they were worse than mine and I only got two? That's just pure hypocrisy like!!!!!!!!!

!

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Post #: 489
RE: Eh? - 5/7/2011 4:31:41 PM   
cerebusboy


Posts: 1552
Joined: 1/5/2006

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wild about Wilder

Actually get a copy on a Friday off my mate as like the puzzles section, fighting Talk & film charts & as it don't cost me anything i'm prfectly willing 2 accept it.
Also will see T.D.O.M again in a couple of weeks to be sure of my judgement as have made mistakes before as in BatMan Begins didn't like it saw it again from a non fanboy perspective & enjoyed it a lot which may be my trouble with this?



Yeah, I don't think Batman Begins appeal was primarily on fanboy lines - they didn't even show Bats attending Yale!!
( http://blogs.law.yale.edu/blogs/rarebooks/archive/2010/10/03/is-batman-a-yale-law-school-alumnus.aspx )

Personally I think having some gaps in Bruce's history makes him, like Jesus, more compelling and interesting. Same goes for Wolverine who was frankly diminished by all the young wolvie melodramatic guff that the movie indulged in. Batman Begins made the right choice in focusing on the few years immediately prior to Bruce donning the suit.

And I can understand the movies having to give Bruce a primary love interest, although it was a bit silly in the pre-Nolan films when billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne revealed his identity to every chick who expressed interests as a means to get laid

I think Fallen and DotM were more fanboy-depended than the first Transformers, which at least had that scene where Optimus introduced all the other autobots and gave them some character. DotM's 'Evil Robot with Giant Sandworm' is pretty cool, but it's not exactly a character, like the first film's Bumblebee, that was (by Bay standards) fleshed-out for a more general audience.


(in reply to Wild about Wilder)
Post #: 490
RE: jaw drop - 5/7/2011 5:09:51 PM   
Deviation


Posts: 27284
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Enemies of Film HQ
quote:

ORIGINAL: rawlinson

quote:

ORIGINAL: matty_b

quote:

ORIGINAL: elab49

quote:

ORIGINAL: matty_b

Ah, you must be new to the reviews section of the forums.

Just wait till Super 8 is released.



Is this really going to be that controversial?

I might take August off


I can't see it getting any less than four stars, possibly the full five, which will no doubt lead to endless posts of "EMPIRE GIVZ ALL THERE FRENDS FIVE STARZ!!!! YOU GUYS SUK!"



I'm hoping the thread for the Straw Dogs remake will be glorious.



It's going to feature my self-righteous indignation, that's for sure.


_____________________________

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dpp1978
There are certainly times where calling a person a cunt is not only reasonable, it is a gross understatement.

quote:


ORIGINAL: elab49
I really wish I could go down to see Privates

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Post #: 491
Prime Wouldn't do That! - 5/7/2011 6:10:31 PM   
Invader_Ace


Posts: 1584
Joined: 31/7/2008
Saw this yesterday, the action was great and the 3D was awesome, there was one part during the finale where a few specks of dust blew across my face!
It struck me as quite odd that Bay is taking all the flack for these films when it is pretty much all the bits in his direct control that worked.  You might not like his style, personally I do, but you can't argue that he can't competently direct.  Shot composition is great, action choreography great.  A big improvement on the first (I've yet to see the 2nd).  It's all the stuff attributed to other people that lets the film down.

Why is no-one having a go at the Script-writer for his non-senseical script or Speilberg for funding these (apparently crass and worthless) films up the ass?

The film does have it's problems.  The script make little to no sense at best.  The Transformers are yet again side-lined in favour of humans in the finale, why?! and the tone is wildly inconsistent (guess Bay can take some of the criticism here).
Very few of the Transformers get to have a a character, other than a hook like an accent or stupid face, and those that do are woefully mishandled.  This was my biggest problem with the film.

Prime, the greatest and noblest leader of all time (sorry Jesus) is pretty much a psychopath in this.  First he decides the best solution is to murder everyone; then he murders everyone.  Sorry, that is just wrong.  Optimus Prime callously shot-gunning an old friend to death is just not on.  Neither is a pack of Autobots, the good guys remember, dragging a downed Decepticon pilot from his ship and pulling his arms and legs off.

The two high-points for me probably lasted less than 5 minutes in total.  The transformation sequence that finally went some way to explaining what it would be like to be a passenger inside a transformer and the character beat for Megatron when he finally sees his beloved homeworld.

I'm torn on wether to go two or three stars.

Oh and it's true, that girl can't act for toffee.



(in reply to Deviation)
Post #: 492
RE: jaw drop - 5/7/2011 7:41:41 PM   
satchwannad


Posts: 16
Joined: 6/2/2010
From: dublin
You aint seen noting yet BOY!

(in reply to Emyr Thy King)
Post #: 493
RE: JAW DROP! - 5/7/2011 7:54:49 PM   
darth silas


Posts: 4949
Joined: 1/10/2005
From: My living room
quote:

ORIGINAL: satchwannad


What I deserve!!??
Hold on! what I deserve is basic human rights!, and that in life is all I deserve ,everything else is a bonus…
what I deserve in a movie?
I deserve my 10 euros worth of entertainment! which is exactly what I got., Mr bay is not trying to save the world! ehh???? maybe destroy it!!?
No he is trying to make you smile by showing you things that even 5 years ago would be impossible.
What I deserve??
Maybe as critics its time to judge movies in a different way maybe its time to say was I entertained yes/no? it would make for crap reviews and smaller magazine,
but fair enough your offering your opinion as is your right.
I have to ask as I do of the Oscars every year why does film's like the king snooozzz sorry speech win! When the majority of people in the WORLD did not care to see such? .and a film like say ohh like transformers 2 one of the highest grossing films of all time gets noting??
Ohh the snobs will say "o lord thy acting in thine film was rather brutish "..whilst this amazing rom com has juxtaposition et all yadda yadda…..
They say look at the talent in the film the art direction etc..
whooo hold on there betsy!! look at the art direction in theses film look at the genius of these blockbusters
I look at movies and video games even the shit ones different, people look at the Mona Lisa and see a masterpiece?? I look at the Mona Lisa and see crap on a canvas !
art is what the few can do and the remainder strive to do so am I comparing transformers? to the Mona Lisa ok yes I am why??? Because we take everything for granted we appreciate the talent in history an oil painting here a bridge there., and forget about the wonders that surround us now and the age of talent.
the technology, the direction bayham gave us , is a work of art the graphics I wonder if Leonardo was alive to day could do it??/ thousands can paint better then him alive today why should we not celebrate them.
O fӣk I just realised transformers is an art house movie oh!!
What I deserve?? Was the movie a bit disjointed…yes. Was the movie slightly weird at the start??. YES
Was miss Huntington crap lol again yes….
was the movie a technical marvel. Yes…was the heart and soul of all the people working on it put into it. Hell sure looks like it…could they do better?? Ehh define better?? more explosions?? Then ehh yes
Was the movie entertaining hell yes J .
So what I deserve…………… I got!! J have a nice day
Kindest regards
satchwannad


[image]http://www.gamedevigner.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/facepalm1.jpg[/image]

< Message edited by darth silas -- 5/7/2011 8:35:29 PM >

(in reply to satchwannad)
Post #: 494
RE: - 5/7/2011 8:38:03 PM   
darth silas


Posts: 4949
Joined: 1/10/2005
From: My living room
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetladybrick

Chris Hewitt's review is a little bit cynical and elitist (especially in that rather sharp little summary, very snarky). Dark of the Moon is a massive improvement on Revenge of the Fallen- we spent that entire film waiting on a villain that got his arse handed to him the minute he actually set his foot on Earth. DOTM doesn't have the charm of the first outing- the simple, Spielbergian innocence of a boy buying a car that turns out to be an alien (at this point it's essentially ET with a sweet paintjob, or maybe something that Joe Dante would have owned at the height of his powers), but it has significantlly reduced the purile humour, pointless supporting roles (now with 80% less of Sam Witwicki's irritating parents), racial stereotyping (not sure how you do that with alien robots but they pulled it off nicely last time around apparently) and Megan Fox (who seems to have fallen off the planet- good times). Sure, there are some utterly unnecesary additions (Wang, for one or an underused Malkovich- always a pleasure to see Alan Tudyk though) and a bit too much patchwork on the plot (no need for a human liaison for the Decepticons- and if there was, you'd think that option would have expired after the previous film's attempted global invasion). The repetetive use of the same three profanities gives the impression the dialogue was written by a 12 year old, but since that's probably this film's target audience you really should expect that (though I don't think it's necessary... but hey). A lot of things are shoehorned in- Megatron, Starscream, Shia LaBeouf... but all in all, but the last act is a dystopian nightmare that is more Terminator than Terminator Salvation ever was. Visually, it is absolutely stunning, and the action has all of the breathtaking impact of the original and then some. As an action film about giant robots that want to kick the crap out of each other, you can't fault it. As family entertainment, it takes itself too seriously overall, with moments of


The first film had charm?


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Post #: 495
RE: jaw drop - 5/7/2011 9:11:41 PM   
shool


Posts: 10062
Joined: 24/3/2006
From: In The Pipe, Five by Five.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Spaldron


quote:

ORIGINAL: shool

If you can ask Spaldy to refrain from quoting a newbie poster with just an insult underneath then, that would be great.

Sorry Spaldy, but those sorts of posts only antagonise. The rule of empire has always been attack the post and not the poster. Ta.


WTF! Alright pick on me again as usual and ignore the hundreds of other abusive and "downright insulting to the intelligence" posts I've seen here! Sorry but if a newbie or anyone else posts a dipshit statement I'm within my right to raise the issue.



And another thing how come their posts got three stars even though they were worse than mine and I only got two? That's just pure hypocrisy like!!!!!!!!!

!


Criticise the post, not the poster please. I'm not picking on you, the same applies to everyone else too.

_____________________________

Invisio Text for Spoilers
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Post #: 496
RE: Not even worth the £1.50 admission for 3D - 6/7/2011 12:25:40 PM   
Emyr Thy King


Posts: 2177
Joined: 13/4/2006
From: The Grid
Looks like the gunfight at the O.K Corral is over.

I found this interesting segment from an interview with Tyrese Gibson about the prospect of "Transformers 4":

"There are no concepts, no direction, no nothing for Transfomers 4, because everyone has been so focused on Transformers: Dark of the Moon. But here is the safety net. Are you ready for this? Michael Bay decides to not come back for Transfomers 4. There is always Steven Spielberg! I am not saying that Steven Spielberg is for a fact going to direct Transfomers 4. But it is a beautiful safety net to know that one of the biggest, most respected directors in the world happens to be an executive producer on Transformers. He is someone who knows this world. And he could easily step in and direct Transfomers 4 if he decided to.

Does anyone get the impression that he seems pleased/relieved that Michael Bay is leaving the franchise?


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Post #: 497
RE: Not even worth the £1.50 admission for 3D - 6/7/2011 4:04:32 PM   
Darth Marenghi

 

Posts: 3209
Joined: 10/10/2010
From: Manchester

quote:

ORIGINAL: Emyr Thy King

Does anyone get the impression that he seems pleased/relieved that Michael Bay is leaving the franchise?



Well, who wouldn't be? Tyrese wouldn't be the first actor who disliked working with Bay.

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Post #: 498
RE: Not even worth the £1.50 admission for 3D - 6/7/2011 4:09:46 PM   
Emyr Thy King


Posts: 2177
Joined: 13/4/2006
From: The Grid
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darth Marenghi


quote:

ORIGINAL: Emyr Thy King

Does anyone get the impression that he seems pleased/relieved that Michael Bay is leaving the franchise?



Well, who wouldn't be? Tyrese wouldn't be the first actor who disliked working with Bay.


Well of course I'm sure many don't enjoy docking with the Bay. What I'm saying if more people express such thoughts, specifically ones that have worked on the film. We could see an interesting change in direction.


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Post #: 499
RE: Not even worth the £1.50 admission for 3D - 6/7/2011 6:02:37 PM   
cerebusboy


Posts: 1552
Joined: 1/5/2006


Interesting. I'm assuming (perhaps wrongly) that Spielberg didn't direct T1 himself because there wasn't much in the Transformers mythos that seemed like the stuff of an Oscar-winning director. I really liked The Lost World: Jurassic Park, but you could understand Spielberg thinking that franchise sequels (and no, I don't count Indy!) are beneath him. Logically the next Transformers flick should be a Batman Begins to T4's Batman & Robin, but I'm not sure if that would work with Optimus et all. Although personally I'd love to see Darren Aronofsky have a pop at Transformers

(in reply to Emyr Thy King)
Post #: 500
RE: Not even worth the £1.50 admission for 3D - 6/7/2011 8:00:49 PM   
Hood_Man


Posts: 12151
Joined: 30/9/2005
Just got back from seeing this.

I haven't written a review, I simply feel too worn out. 2 and a half hours where very little happens in between the character introductions and a big battle at the end? My God...

I think Empire have been kind...

(in reply to cerebusboy)
Post #: 501
RE: Better - 7/7/2011 11:18:31 AM   
mystra


Posts: 106
Joined: 9/5/2006
From: Newcastle-under-Lyme

quote:

ORIGINAL: AntGC

What people need to understand is that the story line will never be "Ridley Scott" standard because its based on a childs cartoon for gods sake!!.



yeah, but even the cartoons had a plot! and the original film from the 80's was awesome (and went a lot further and darker in some places than the series did)... Bay just treats the audience like they don't need a story/plot at all. ho hum
Post #: 502
RE: Underrated - 7/7/2011 5:38:47 PM   
cerebusboy


Posts: 1552
Joined: 1/5/2006

quote:

ORIGINAL: neopol

This is the third and final installment of the iconoclastic Transformers franchise.



Say what?!

I suppose Optimus Prime is arguably iconic, and there are a lot of clashes in the films..as well as a strong, fantastical sci-fi element...did you mean : iconoclasfhfantastic?
Post #: 503
RE: Not even worth the £1.50 admission for 3D - 7/7/2011 6:47:20 PM   
target


Posts: 2123
Joined: 11/4/2006
From: 1 2 3 Fake St

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darth Marenghi


quote:

ORIGINAL: Emyr Thy King

Does anyone get the impression that he seems pleased/relieved that Michael Bay is leaving the franchise?



Well, who wouldn't be? Tyrese wouldn't be the first actor who disliked working with Bay.


If Bay didn't direct 4 Tyrese probably wouldn't be in it. I wouldn't think Spielberg would keep the pointless characters.

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Post #: 504
my transformers 3 review - 7/7/2011 7:13:16 PM   
massacretheatre

 

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/7/2011
During the decline of the Roman Empire, the games put on at the Colosseum became increasingly absurd. They begun filling the arena with water, ships, wilder animals, more exuberant battles etc, and why? Because when any kind of entity is on the verge of collapse, they become more ridiculous and out of whack than ever. Michael Bay’s “Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon” (do Pink Floyd have copyright over the word “side”?) is important for a singular reason: it symbolizes the progressive inevitability of the end of 3D cinema. No it is not the end of stupid, pointless films, stupid films will always be made, and there will always be a Michael Bay to make them, however this will be one of the last times audiences will have to pay 20% extra for their ticket plus glasses charges, the end is so utterly nigh for 3D – and for this, and this alone, I thank Transformers 3. But let’s put the technology “debate” (there isn’t a debate) on ice for the moment, and let’s focus on the actual content of Transformers 3, of which is impressively offensive.

The plot isn’t especially worth going in to - it is doubtful many of those involved in making the film even have a vague idea of the plot, but essentially the mechanics of the so called narrative allow for the usual lurid misogyny, the sexualisation of a child’s toy, racial generalizations which border on racism, MASSIVE EXPLOSIONS and more within a 2 hours plus struggle of a film which serves to fulfil the Bay-ist pornographic sensibility.

Charisma vacuum Shia Labeouf stars alongside debut “actress” Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. Getting the role whilst meeting director Michael Bay on the set of a Victoria Secret advert, her role is nothing more than another car or another explosion in the film, and it her best another contribution to the culture of misogyny. A particular scene stands out, in which a man talks about a car: “doesn’t she have incredible curves” and more increasingly excessive lurid comments which lead us to the realization that to Michael Bay a female is nothing more than a disposable THING to fulfil men’s voyeuristic desires and have nothing valuable to offer other than their appearance and (if you’re really lucky and they are actually worth a man’s time) a passing interest in cars.

Cameos with John Tuturro, Frances McDormand and John Malcovich are nothing more than acting set-peices to plug the holes for the lack of acting ability from the leading cast; Tuturo particularly excels however these cameos serve to only enlighten us that Michael Bay sees acting as another special effect, there is nothing cinematic about this disgustingly mechanical (pun intended) franchise. Because of this, you can’t really judge this as a film, and it’s important to recognize this in order to retain some of one’s sanity.

Yes, we’re a planet of morons and this will go against the promising trend that “Inception” and “The Dark Knight” set in which there seemed to be some kind of second wave of enlightenment over mankind and people seemed to want to actually THINK when going to see a big budget mainstream film – Transformers 3 demands nothing of your intellect or imagination, just of your wallet and WAY too much of your time (hilariously it runs for more than 2 and a half hours). Its inevitable climb to the top of the box-office will briefly reignite belief that there is still hope for 3D (at least with the studio’s money men), however what about for us? Don’t worry we’ve done our research here. The most successful 3D film ever in terms of money earned against money spent is a 1960’s film called “The Stewardesses” of which the tagline is: “the leggy lovelies leap off the screen and in to your lap”. “Transformers 3” is in good company here, it is a lurid, soft-core porn sex-comedy hybrid that is difficult to not find offensive.

Famously, Bay once described his film making style as "fucking the frame". This is opposed to, for example, taking the frame out for a casual stroll on a Sunday afternoon, maybe take the frame out to see it's favourite play, or perhaps even going out to dinner with the frame and offering to pay the bill AND the frames cab home. Bay seems to revel in being some kind of shameless cinematic anti-Christ, and we seem helpless to stop him from raping our cinema. And yes, it is our cinema, and this is artistic rape and it really needs to stop.

(in reply to target)
Post #: 505
RE: my transformers 3 review - 7/7/2011 7:37:30 PM   
darth silas


Posts: 4949
Joined: 1/10/2005
From: My living room
quote:

ORIGINAL: massacretheatre

During the decline of the Roman Empire, the games put on at the Colosseum became increasingly absurd. They begun filling the arena with water, ships, wilder animals, more exuberant battles etc, and why? Because when any kind of entity is on the verge of collapse, they become more ridiculous and out of whack than ever. Michael Bay's "Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon” (do Pink Floyd have copyright over the word "side”?) is important for a singular reason: it symbolizes the progressive inevitability of the end of 3D cinema. No it is not the end of stupid, pointless films, stupid films will always be made, and there will always be a Michael Bay to make them, however this will be one of the last times audiences will have to pay 20% extra for their ticket plus glasses charges, the end is so utterly nigh for 3D – and for this, and this alone, I thank Transformers 3. But let's put the technology "debate” (there isn't a debate) on ice for the moment, and let's focus on the actual content of Transformers 3, of which is impressively offensive.

The plot isn't especially worth going in to - it is doubtful many of those involved in making the film even have a vague idea of the plot, but essentially the mechanics of the so called narrative allow for the usual lurid misogyny, the sexualisation of a child's toy, racial generalizations which border on racism, MASSIVE EXPLOSIONS and more within a 2 hours plus struggle of a film which serves to fulfil the Bay-ist pornographic sensibility.

Charisma vacuum Shia Labeouf stars alongside debut "actress” Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. Getting the role whilst meeting director Michael Bay on the set of a Victoria Secret advert, her role is nothing more than another car or another explosion in the film, and it her best another contribution to the culture of misogyny. A particular scene stands out, in which a man talks about a car: "doesn't she have incredible curves” and more increasingly excessive lurid comments which lead us to the realization that to Michael Bay a female is nothing more than a disposable THING to fulfil men's voyeuristic desires and have nothing valuable to offer other than their appearance and (if you're really lucky and they are actually worth a man's time) a passing interest in cars.

Cameos with John Tuturro, Frances McDormand and John Malcovich are nothing more than acting set-peices to plug the holes for the lack of acting ability from the leading cast; Tuturo particularly excels however these cameos serve to only enlighten us that Michael Bay sees acting as another special effect, there is nothing cinematic about this disgustingly mechanical (pun intended) franchise. Because of this, you can't really judge this as a film, and it's important to recognize this in order to retain some of one's sanity.

Yes, we're a planet of morons and this will go against the promising trend that "Inception” and "The Dark Knight” set in which there seemed to be some kind of second wave of enlightenment over mankind and people seemed to want to actually THINK when going to see a big budget mainstream film – Transformers 3 demands nothing of your intellect or imagination, just of your wallet and WAY too much of your time (hilariously it runs for more than 2 and a half hours). Its inevitable climb to the top of the box-office will briefly reignite belief that there is still hope for 3D (at least with the studio's money men), however what about for us? Don't worry we've done our research here. The most successful 3D film ever in terms of money earned against money spent is a 1960's film called "The Stewardesses” of which the tagline is: "the leggy lovelies leap off the screen and in to your lap”. "Transformers 3” is in good company here, it is a lurid, soft-core porn sex-comedy hybrid that is difficult to not find offensive.

Famously, Bay once described his film making style as "fucking the frame". This is opposed to, for example, taking the frame out for a casual stroll on a Sunday afternoon, maybe take the frame out to see it's favourite play, or perhaps even going out to dinner with the frame and offering to pay the bill AND the frames cab home. Bay seems to revel in being some kind of shameless cinematic anti-Christ, and we seem helpless to stop him from raping our cinema. And yes, it is our cinema, and this is artistic rape and it really needs to stop.


Mark Kemode,welcome to the boards!


_____________________________

Star Wars:Episodes 1,2,3,4,5,6.Taken together they are one giant movie and it is the greatest movie EVER.

(in reply to massacretheatre)
Post #: 506
RE: my transformers 3 review - 7/7/2011 7:39:55 PM   
cerebusboy


Posts: 1552
Joined: 1/5/2006

quote:

ORIGINAL: darth silas

quote:

ORIGINAL: massacretheatre

During the decline of the Roman Empire, the games put on at the Colosseum became increasingly absurd. They begun filling the arena with water, ships, wilder animals, more exuberant battles etc, and why? Because when any kind of entity is on the verge of collapse, they become more ridiculous and out of whack than ever. Michael Bay's "Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon” (do Pink Floyd have copyright over the word "side”?) is important for a singular reason: it symbolizes the progressive inevitability of the end of 3D cinema. No it is not the end of stupid, pointless films, stupid films will always be made, and there will always be a Michael Bay to make them, however this will be one of the last times audiences will have to pay 20% extra for their ticket plus glasses charges, the end is so utterly nigh for 3D – and for this, and this alone, I thank Transformers 3. But let's put the technology "debate” (there isn't a debate) on ice for the moment, and let's focus on the actual content of Transformers 3, of which is impressively offensive.

The plot isn't especially worth going in to - it is doubtful many of those involved in making the film even have a vague idea of the plot, but essentially the mechanics of the so called narrative allow for the usual lurid misogyny, the sexualisation of a child's toy, racial generalizations which border on racism, MASSIVE EXPLOSIONS and more within a 2 hours plus struggle of a film which serves to fulfil the Bay-ist pornographic sensibility.

Charisma vacuum Shia Labeouf stars alongside debut "actress” Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. Getting the role whilst meeting director Michael Bay on the set of a Victoria Secret advert, her role is nothing more than another car or another explosion in the film, and it her best another contribution to the culture of misogyny. A particular scene stands out, in which a man talks about a car: "doesn't she have incredible curves” and more increasingly excessive lurid comments which lead us to the realization that to Michael Bay a female is nothing more than a disposable THING to fulfil men's voyeuristic desires and have nothing valuable to offer other than their appearance and (if you're really lucky and they are actually worth a man's time) a passing interest in cars.

Cameos with John Tuturro, Frances McDormand and John Malcovich are nothing more than acting set-peices to plug the holes for the lack of acting ability from the leading cast; Tuturo particularly excels however these cameos serve to only enlighten us that Michael Bay sees acting as another special effect, there is nothing cinematic about this disgustingly mechanical (pun intended) franchise. Because of this, you can't really judge this as a film, and it's important to recognize this in order to retain some of one's sanity.

Yes, we're a planet of morons and this will go against the promising trend that "Inception” and "The Dark Knight” set in which there seemed to be some kind of second wave of enlightenment over mankind and people seemed to want to actually THINK when going to see a big budget mainstream film – Transformers 3 demands nothing of your intellect or imagination, just of your wallet and WAY too much of your time (hilariously it runs for more than 2 and a half hours). Its inevitable climb to the top of the box-office will briefly reignite belief that there is still hope for 3D (at least with the studio's money men), however what about for us? Don't worry we've done our research here. The most successful 3D film ever in terms of money earned against money spent is a 1960's film called "The Stewardesses” of which the tagline is: "the leggy lovelies leap off the screen and in to your lap”. "Transformers 3” is in good company here, it is a lurid, soft-core porn sex-comedy hybrid that is difficult to not find offensive.

Famously, Bay once described his film making style as "fucking the frame". This is opposed to, for example, taking the frame out for a casual stroll on a Sunday afternoon, maybe take the frame out to see it's favourite play, or perhaps even going out to dinner with the frame and offering to pay the bill AND the frames cab home. Bay seems to revel in being some kind of shameless cinematic anti-Christ, and we seem helpless to stop him from raping our cinema. And yes, it is our cinema, and this is artistic rape and it really needs to stop.


Mark Kemode,welcome to the boards!



Speak for yourself

(in reply to darth silas)
Post #: 507
RE: my transformers 3 review - 8/7/2011 1:28:35 AM   
Spaldron


Posts: 10485
Joined: 6/10/2006
From: Chair

quote:

ORIGINAL: massacretheatre

During the decline of the Roman Empire, the games put on at the Colosseum became increasingly absurd. They begun filling the arena with water, ships, wilder animals, more exuberant battles etc, and why? Because when any kind of entity is on the verge of collapse, they become more ridiculous and out of whack than ever. Michael Bay’s “Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon” (do Pink Floyd have copyright over the word “side”?) is important for a singular reason: it symbolizes the progressive inevitability of the end of 3D cinema. No it is not the end of stupid, pointless films, stupid films will always be made, and there will always be a Michael Bay to make them, however this will be one of the last times audiences will have to pay 20% extra for their ticket plus glasses charges, the end is so utterly nigh for 3D – and for this, and this alone, I thank Transformers 3. But let’s put the technology “debate” (there isn’t a debate) on ice for the moment, and let’s focus on the actual content of Transformers 3, of which is impressively offensive.

The plot isn’t especially worth going in to - it is doubtful many of those involved in making the film even have a vague idea of the plot, but essentially the mechanics of the so called narrative allow for the usual lurid misogyny, the sexualisation of a child’s toy, racial generalizations which border on racism, MASSIVE EXPLOSIONS and more within a 2 hours plus struggle of a film which serves to fulfil the Bay-ist pornographic sensibility.

Charisma vacuum Shia Labeouf stars alongside debut “actress” Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. Getting the role whilst meeting director Michael Bay on the set of a Victoria Secret advert, her role is nothing more than another car or another explosion in the film, and it her best another contribution to the culture of misogyny. A particular scene stands out, in which a man talks about a car: “doesn’t she have incredible curves” and more increasingly excessive lurid comments which lead us to the realization that to Michael Bay a female is nothing more than a disposable THING to fulfil men’s voyeuristic desires and have nothing valuable to offer other than their appearance and (if you’re really lucky and they are actually worth a man’s time) a passing interest in cars.

Cameos with John Tuturro, Frances McDormand and John Malcovich are nothing more than acting set-peices to plug the holes for the lack of acting ability from the leading cast; Tuturo particularly excels however these cameos serve to only enlighten us that Michael Bay sees acting as another special effect, there is nothing cinematic about this disgustingly mechanical (pun intended) franchise. Because of this, you can’t really judge this as a film, and it’s important to recognize this in order to retain some of one’s sanity.

Yes, we’re a planet of morons and this will go against the promising trend that “Inception” and “The Dark Knight” set in which there seemed to be some kind of second wave of enlightenment over mankind and people seemed to want to actually THINK when going to see a big budget mainstream film – Transformers 3 demands nothing of your intellect or imagination, just of your wallet and WAY too much of your time (hilariously it runs for more than 2 and a half hours). Its inevitable climb to the top of the box-office will briefly reignite belief that there is still hope for 3D (at least with the studio’s money men), however what about for us? Don’t worry we’ve done our research here. The most successful 3D film ever in terms of money earned against money spent is a 1960’s film called “The Stewardesses” of which the tagline is: “the leggy lovelies leap off the screen and in to your lap”. “Transformers 3” is in good company here, it is a lurid, soft-core porn sex-comedy hybrid that is difficult to not find offensive.

Famously, Bay once described his film making style as "fucking the frame". This is opposed to, for example, taking the frame out for a casual stroll on a Sunday afternoon, maybe take the frame out to see it's favourite play, or perhaps even going out to dinner with the frame and offering to pay the bill AND the frames cab home. Bay seems to revel in being some kind of shameless cinematic anti-Christ, and we seem helpless to stop him from raping our cinema. And yes, it is our cinema, and this is artistic rape and it really needs to stop.


Is it really you?


_____________________________

And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts
And I looked and behold, a pale horse
And his name that sat on him was Death
And Hell followed with him.

(in reply to massacretheatre)
Post #: 508
RE: Empire misses the point again....... - 8/7/2011 2:20:10 AM   
Qwerty Norris


Posts: 3971
Joined: 26/10/2005
From: Edinburgh
quote:

ORIGINAL: Your Funny Uncle

Yet it makes millions so he must be doing something right....


Substitute "he" for "the Special Effects department" and you're about there....

EDIT : If that truly is the good doctor (the review certainly is) additional comments are MORE than welcome!

< Message edited by Qwerty Norris -- 8/7/2011 2:31:43 AM >


_____________________________

Qwerty's Top 10 of 2013 (so far)

1. Zero Dark Thirty
2. No
3. A Hijacking
4. Behind the Candelabra
5. In The Fog
6. Good Vibrations
7. McCullin
8. Beyond the Hills
9. The Place Beyond the Pines
10. Wreck-it Ralph

(in reply to Your Funny Uncle)
Post #: 509
RE: my transformers 3 review - 8/7/2011 5:18:00 AM   
Pigeon Army


Posts: 14612
Joined: 29/1/2006
From: Pixar HQ, George Lucas' Office.
quote:

ORIGINAL: massacretheatre

During the decline of the Roman Empire, the games put on at the Colosseum became increasingly absurd. They begun filling the arena with water, ships, wilder animals, more exuberant battles etc, and why? Because when any kind of entity is on the verge of collapse, they become more ridiculous and out of whack than ever. Michael Bay's "Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon” (do Pink Floyd have copyright over the word "side”?) is important for a singular reason: it symbolizes the progressive inevitability of the end of 3D cinema. No it is not the end of stupid, pointless films, stupid films will always be made, and there will always be a Michael Bay to make them, however this will be one of the last times audiences will have to pay 20% extra for their ticket plus glasses charges, the end is so utterly nigh for 3D – and for this, and this alone, I thank Transformers 3. But let's put the technology "debate” (there isn't a debate) on ice for the moment, and let's focus on the actual content of Transformers 3, of which is impressively offensive.

The plot isn't especially worth going in to - it is doubtful many of those involved in making the film even have a vague idea of the plot, but essentially the mechanics of the so called narrative allow for the usual lurid misogyny, the sexualisation of a child's toy, racial generalizations which border on racism, MASSIVE EXPLOSIONS and more within a 2 hours plus struggle of a film which serves to fulfil the Bay-ist pornographic sensibility.

Charisma vacuum Shia Labeouf stars alongside debut "actress” Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. Getting the role whilst meeting director Michael Bay on the set of a Victoria Secret advert, her role is nothing more than another car or another explosion in the film, and it her best another contribution to the culture of misogyny. A particular scene stands out, in which a man talks about a car: "doesn't she have incredible curves” and more increasingly excessive lurid comments which lead us to the realization that to Michael Bay a female is nothing more than a disposable THING to fulfil men's voyeuristic desires and have nothing valuable to offer other than their appearance and (if you're really lucky and they are actually worth a man's time) a passing interest in cars.

Cameos with John Tuturro, Frances McDormand and John Malcovich are nothing more than acting set-peices to plug the holes for the lack of acting ability from the leading cast; Tuturo particularly excels however these cameos serve to only enlighten us that Michael Bay sees acting as another special effect, there is nothing cinematic about this disgustingly mechanical (pun intended) franchise. Because of this, you can't really judge this as a film, and it's important to recognize this in order to retain some of one's sanity.

Yes, we're a planet of morons and this will go against the promising trend that "Inception” and "The Dark Knight” set in which there seemed to be some kind of second wave of enlightenment over mankind and people seemed to want to actually THINK when going to see a big budget mainstream film – Transformers 3 demands nothing of your intellect or imagination, just of your wallet and WAY too much of your time (hilariously it runs for more than 2 and a half hours). Its inevitable climb to the top of the box-office will briefly reignite belief that there is still hope for 3D (at least with the studio's money men), however what about for us? Don't worry we've done our research here. The most successful 3D film ever in terms of money earned against money spent is a 1960's film called "The Stewardesses” of which the tagline is: "the leggy lovelies leap off the screen and in to your lap”. "Transformers 3” is in good company here, it is a lurid, soft-core porn sex-comedy hybrid that is difficult to not find offensive.

Famously, Bay once described his film making style as "fucking the frame". This is opposed to, for example, taking the frame out for a casual stroll on a Sunday afternoon, maybe take the frame out to see it's favourite play, or perhaps even going out to dinner with the frame and offering to pay the bill AND the frames cab home. Bay seems to revel in being some kind of shameless cinematic anti-Christ, and we seem helpless to stop him from raping our cinema. And yes, it is our cinema, and this is artistic rape and it really needs to stop.


This is a bonafide piece of art.


_____________________________

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rinc
She's supposed to be 13! I'd want her to be very attractive though


quote:

ORIGINAL: MonsterCat
quote:

ORIGINAL: Pigeon Army
Stop being mean to Deviation

No.

(in reply to massacretheatre)
Post #: 510
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