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ORIGINAL: DAVID GILLESPIE

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ORIGINAL: evil bill


Sorry no tit's but plenty of mindless violence

A low-ranking intelligence operative (Jonathan Rhys Meyers) working in the office of the U.S. Ambassador in France takes on more than he bargained for when he partners with a wisecracking, fast-shooting, high-ranking U.S. agent (John Travolta) who's been sent to Paris to stop a terrorist attack.
This Luc Besson produced and written action/mismatched buddy movie,with a now typical decent performance from Travolta,also has a great  body count.Director Pierre Morel (TAKEN) delivers plenty of high octane action at a blistering pace,very much like ye old Die Hard movies,or any other late 80's early 90's action movie.The camera work is fantastic and reminds me of early John Woo movies,plus the way it's cut allows you to enjoy the action at it's fullest.It's no classic,and there's noting new on offer here,just lots of chase's,on foot and in a car,lots of explosions,plenty of gun play.All in a great beer movie,that's good for some replay action as well,IE spot the stuntman,that's not Travolta???6/10

Travolta suits that razor burn haircut. DJ hated this but I might still give it a go?

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ORIGINAL: Dr Lenera

Think I'll put these in here too as they seem appropriate!

PIRANHA 3D
Every summer the population of Lake Victoria goes from 5000 to 50 000 as thousands of partygoers descend on the sleepy seaside town for the annual ‘Spring Break’. However an underground tremor releases hordes of oversized, deadly killer piranhas, and when teenager Jake leaves his younger brother and sister to go on a boat tour with a soft porn filmmaker, the two children become trapped on a tiny island. Meanwhile the party hots up and the fish are hungry.....


I wasn’t too happy when I heard Alexandre Aja, who debuted with the excellent slasher Haute Tension, was embarking on his third remake in a row, even though I did enjoy The Hills Have Eyes and even bits of Mirrors. However Piranha 3D [as it’s called, although apparently there are 2D showings around if you look] isn’t really a remake of Joe Dante’s 1978 film called Piranha, it just takes the same basic idea of killer piranhas and comes up with something new. Well......kind of. It’s very much like Snakes On A Plane, an attempt at a ‘so bad it’s good ‘B’ type of movie which by the very nature of it’s making kind of misses the point. This moves is somewhat better though, and does provide a great deal of guilty fun. When a film opens with Richard Dreyfuss in peril from a whirlpool and mutant fish, in a tiny boat and obviously needing a bigger one, it’s hard to really dislike it.

Indeed the shadow of Jaws [or rather it’s sequels] does hang over this movie, but of course the script doesn’t even try to be anywhere near as good. The characters are set up reasonably well but are mostly stock,and it’s all really just an excuse to show lots and lots of gruesome piranha attacks. At first things seem a little tame but they certainly don’t remain like that. The film’s major set piece, with the fish causing havoc right at the height of the party, is full of really inventive gory moments, from slicing in half to decapitation to really graphic nibbling, and ended up reminding me of, of all things, the opening of Saving Private Ryan, though of course the gore is of the “wow, isn’t that cool” variety”.

The effects by and large work and the fish are very cool menaces. No subtlety with this movie, you see them right from the outset. Maybe this is why the movie is never actually scary, though there are some very suspenseful bits, especially a really tense sequence of people trying to evacuate from one boat to another. Memorable in a different way is a Blue Lagoon-style underwater makeout session between Kelly Brook and a girlfriend which is actually beautifully shot if rather tame, and the filmmakers kindly give us boobies aplenty.

The young cast are predictably feeble but Elisabeth Shue is a fine tough heroine and Christopher Lloyd has a fun cameo as a rather mad doctor. The most disappointing aspect of the film for me was the 3D. Considering the nature of this film, you’d expect loads of pop out moments but there are very few and what was probably supposed to be the highlight, where a piranha pops out of a mouth, doesn’t quite work. Coupled with the fact that sometimes when the camera moves things go all blury, I would say that they slightly botched the 3D in this film [though I personally don’t think they’ve perfected it in any film yet, and certainly not Avatar] and it will probably play as well as 2D. Whether as Piranha 3D or Piranha, it is definately a fun evening out at the cinema if you don’t expect too much,and where else can you see two fish fighting over a severed penis? Aja, though, please do something original for your next film though!
7/10

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ORIGINAL: Dr Lenera

THE EXPENDABLES
Barney Ross is the leader of a group of mercenaries who carry out jobs others fear. When a mysterious millionaire called Mr Church recruits Ross' group to take out an island dictator, Ross and Lee Christmas sneak onto the island and find the place in turmoil while the real villain turns out to be an ex-member of Ross' team. Befriending a local girl ,Ross and Christmas escape from the island but Ross wants to to back for the girl he didn't save........


The Expendables does pretty much what it says on the tin. You know it's going to be a throwback to the 80s action movie and for the most part it doesn't disappoint. Testosterone to the max as tough guys slaughter tons of extras and blow lots of shit up while throwing amusing banter around as they do it. When I say tough guys, I mean probably the greatest cast in action movie history, and Sylvestre Stallone deserves great credit for getting so many action stars together and pulling off what probably just seemed like a fan's wet dream. Perhaps surprisingly, they all work well together, with no visable clash of egoes. Despite being a tough shoot everyone seems like they had fun, and it really shows in the finished product.

The plot......well, it's like a catalogue of old action cliches. Mercenaries recruited for an especially dangerous job, former buddies now on opposite sides, a man having a guilty consience and going back into danger, a climactic assault on an island fortress etc, it's all there, but the script does just about give you enough background about most of the characters so that you do care about them. Some will want a lot more, but this isn't that kind of movie. After a leisurely opening 20 or so minutes, it becomes an almost non-stop progression of fights, car chases and gunfire. It's all back to basics stuff-you won't see a tank falling out of a plane here, but it is mostly very convincing, with little [visable] use of CG. Highlights are Jet Li's violent but deliberately amusing brawl with Dolph Lundgren, Stallone's incredibly brutal fight with Steve Austin and Jason Statham's expert knife slashing. I could have done with more of Li's martial arts skills, but that was only a small flaw compared to....

The editing! Sad to say even Stallone now has seen fit to join the ranks of action directors who think that shooting a scene with very fast cutting and lots of closeups while shaking the camera about is where it's at. I do think this style worked for the Bourne movies, but it's just so tiresomely overused now. When I see an action sequence I want to see it, not be part of it ,and it seems a very lazy way of doing things because filmmakers don't really need to choreograph things properly. It was obvious that some of the fighting in The Expendables [as with Ninja Assassin] was actually very impressive, but I just couldn't really see much of it. More to the point, no 80s action film was shot like this [God I remember the days when Cobra was considered to be edited too fast!] so, unless it was to cover up the slowness of the older cast members, I don't see why Stallone decided to do it like this. I was also disappointed with the gore. Certainly not in quantity of course, with people being slashed, blown apart, you name it, it's all present and correct. No, I mean in quality. I kind of hoped they might have done this stuff the old way, with blood squibs and dummies, but no, it seems to be mostly CG gore, and as usual it doesn't look especially good.

The dialogue is either absolutely dreadful or total genius, I haven't quite decided yet, but it works for the film. The much commented-on scene with Stallone, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger is wonderful and surprisingly subtle, considering they could have just made it a series of jokes-I just wish it had been longer. All the cast members give appropriate performances, in a way many of them are plaving some half-remembered version of themselves in the 80s, rather then particular roles, and that's just fine. Stallone graciously remains low key throughout and lets others like Dolph Lundgren [though he's not in it enough] dominate the scenes they are in. Of course the two women in the film simply exist to be beaten up and rescued! Brian Tyler's score just about backs up the onscreen carnage but is very run-of-the-mill. All in all this is certainly a good time at the pictures and will make any action film fan smile throughout. It does have it's problems though, and I don't think it's ever quite as good as it wants to me. Maybe the sequel will be though......
7/10

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I was going to start this review by linking The Expendables experience to shoving on a pair of old slippers that you find in an attic box (they look shite but feel really comfy) or the unhinged uncle, that cracks the same old jokes but you still can't stop but smile when he cracks them.

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ORIGINAL: Dr Lenera

quote:

I was going to start this review by linking The Expendables experience to shoving on a pair of old slippers that you find in an attic box (they look shite but feel really comfy) or the unhinged uncle, that cracks the same old jokes but you still can't stop but smile when he cracks them.

Love that analogy, it is perfect! The more I think about the film, it's flaws become more apparent and yet the more I want to see it again!

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ORIGINAL: evil bill

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ORIGINAL: Dr Lenera

quote:

I was going to start this review by linking The Expendables experience to shoving on a pair of old slippers that you find in an attic box (they look shite but feel really comfy) or the unhinged uncle, that cracks the same old jokes but you still can't stop but smile when he cracks them.

Love that analogy, it is perfect! The more I think about the film, it's flaws become more apparent and yet the more I want to see it again!

It just brings you back to the NON PC 80'S.

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ORIGINAL: Dr Lenera

quote:

I was going to start this review by linking The Expendables experience to shoving on a pair of old slippers that you find in an attic box (they look shite but feel really comfy) or the unhinged uncle, that cracks the same old jokes but you still can't stop but smile when he cracks them.

Love that analogy, it is perfect! The more I think about the film, it's flaws become more apparent and yet the more I want to see it again!

quote:

ORIGINAL: DAVID GILLESPIE

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dr Lenera

quote:

I was going to start this review by linking The Expendables experience to shoving on a pair of old slippers that you find in an attic box (they look shite but feel really comfy) or the unhinged uncle, that cracks the same old jokes but you still can't stop but smile when he cracks them.

Love that analogy, it is perfect! The more I think about the film, it's flaws become more apparent and yet the more I want to see it again!

I'm so glad they cast Stratham in support as he has single-handedly saved the action genre for the last ten or so years. And yes, political correctness can kiss my non-pc ass. It's a feckin, dumb action movie with absolutely no message apart from 'why can't a guy watch a flick with things guys want to see, namely, explosions, mens' men, and helpless women. That statement will probably be dissected to reveal I'm a male chauvinistic, closet jobby jabber, or just a knob?

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ORIGINAL: Dr Lenera

BEER MOVIE GOLD! Love that.

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ORIGINAL: Dr Lenera

Thankyou, yeah, you've reminded me of that scene, am quite surprised they didn't use that in the remake.

I think they're doing a sequel. Hoping for some Flying Killers, maybe?!

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ORIGINAL: DAVID GILLESPIE


Brain Dead / Dead Alive (1992) BEER MOVIE GOLD
This is surely the pinnacle of Peter Jackson's early gore-fuelled, comedy horrors. Focusing on hen-pecked mummy's boy, Lionel (Timothy Balme) and his attempts at a normal relationship with a Spanish shop girl (Diana Penalver ), things take a turn for the worse when mother (Elizabeth Moody) gets bitten by a rabid monkey at the zoo while spying on the young couple. It does not take long before the shit hits the fan and Lionel's house is overun by zombie family members, nurses, babies and other monstrosities. With only his trusty flymo and feisty girlfriend at his side, Lionel takes on the dead before his final confrontation with mummy and a second birth, so to speak.
Rarely has a flick so gory and morally wrong been so funny,or perhaps since Meet the Feebles and Bad Taste anyway. Anyone expecting a creepy, slow moving chiller will be disappointed as Brain Dead goes straight into adrenalin overdrive from the first couple of minutes. Jackson has tried to cram in as many repulsive scenes and setpieces (baby in a blender, spewed intestines, severed ears in custard etc) as he could possibly fit into a lean and mean 90 minutes or so. We also get a kung fu priest and a meat-cleaving armed mad uncle thrown into the mix. The final 20 minutes is undisputedly a contendor for most gore shown onscreen in movie history. You'll be laughing and gagging at the same time. Gore classic. 8/10 Beer Rating 5/5

quote:

Dr Lenera
Thankyou, yeah, you've reminded me of that scene, am quite surprised they didn't use that in the remake.

I think they're doing a sequel. Hoping for some Flying Killers, maybe?!

quote:

ORIGINAL: DAVID GILLESPIE


Brain Dead / Dead Alive (1992) BEER MOVIE GOLD
This is surely the pinnacle of Peter Jackson's early gore-fuelled, comedy horrors. Focusing on hen-pecked mummy's boy, Lionel (Timothy Balme) and his attempts at a normal relationship with a Spanish shop girl (Diana Penalver ), things take a turn for the worse when mother (Elizabeth Moody) gets bitten by a rabid monkey at the zoo while spying on the young couple. It does not take long before the shit hits the fan and Lionel's house is overun by zombie family members, nurses, babies and other monstrosities. With only his trusty flymo and feisty girlfriend at his side, Lionel takes on the dead before his final confrontation with mummy and a second birth, so to speak.
Rarely has a flick so gory and morally wrong been so funny,or perhaps since Meet the Feebles and Bad Taste anyway. Anyone expecting a creepy, slow moving chiller will be disappointed as Brain Dead goes straight into adrenalin overdrive from the first couple of minutes. Jackson has tried to cram in as many repulsive scenes and setpieces (baby in a blender, spewed intestines, severed ears in custard etc) as he could possibly fit into a lean and mean 90 minutes or so. We also get a kung fu priest and a meat-cleaving armed mad uncle thrown into the mix. The final 20 minutes is undisputedly a contendor for most gore shown onscreen in movie history. You'll be laughing and gagging at the same time. Gore classic. 8/10 Beer Rating 5/5

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ORIGINAL: dj vivace

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ORIGINAL: DAVID GILLESPIE


Brain Dead / Dead Alive (1992) BEER MOVIE GOLD

I like this new Beer Movie Gold certificate, and you've cunningly coloured the writing gold, genius!!  Love Braindead, apart from the lawnmower scene, i

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ORIGINAL: DAVID GILLESPIE

quote:

ORIGINAL: dj vivace

quote:

ORIGINAL: DAVID GILLESPIE


Brain Dead / Dead Alive (1992) BEER MOVIE GOLD

I like this new Beer Movie Gold certificate, and you've cunningly coloured the writing gold, genius!!  Love Braindead, apart from the lawnmower scene, i

If it's not got the Gold Beer standard then it not worth drinking a barrell of beer over, that's my motto. Well it's not but I'll keep it going until the novelty goes sour. Why didn't you love the lawnmower scene ? Would you have preferred a rotary to a flymo, or sythe (like in Interview with a Vampire)?

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ORIGINAL: dj vivace

quote:

ORIGINAL: DAVID GILLESPIE

quote:

ORIGINAL: dj vivace

quote:

ORIGINAL: DAVID GILLESPIE


Brain Dead / Dead Alive (1992) BEER MOVIE GOLD

I like this new Beer Movie Gold certificate, and you've cunningly coloured the writing gold, genius!!  Love Braindead, apart from the lawnmower scene, i

If it's not got the Gold Beer standard then it not worth drinking a barrell of beer over, that's my motto. Well it's not but I'll keep it going until the novelty goes sour. Why didn't you love the lawnmower scene ? Would you have preferred a rotary to a flymo, or sythe (like in Interview with a Vampire)?

I think i chose my words wrong, i LOVED the Lawnmower scene. I hink i meant to out "aswell as..." instead of "apart from..."

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ORIGINAL: DAVID GILLESPIE


Brain Dead / Dead Alive (1992) BEER MOVIE GOLD
This is surely the pinnacle of Peter Jackson's early gore-fuelled, comedy horrors. Focusing on hen-pecked mummy's boy, Lionel (Timothy Balme) and his attempts at a normal relationship with a Spanish shop girl (Diana Penalver ), things take a turn for the worse when mother (Elizabeth Moody) gets bitten by a rabid monkey at the zoo while spying on the young couple. It does not take long before the shit hits the fan and Lionel's house is overun by zombie family members, nurses, babies and other monstrosities. With only his trusty flymo and feisty girlfriend at his side, Lionel takes on the dead before his final confrontation with mummy and a second birth, so to speak.
Rarely has a flick so gory and morally wrong been so funny,or perhaps since Meet the Feebles and Bad Taste anyway. Anyone expecting a creepy, slow moving chiller will be disappointed as Brain Dead goes straight into adrenalin overdrive from the first couple of minutes. Jackson has tried to cram in as many repulsive scenes and setpieces (baby in a blender, spewed intestines, severed ears in custard etc) as he could possibly fit into a lean and mean 90 minutes or so. We also get a kung fu priest and a meat-cleaving armed mad uncle thrown into the mix. The final 20 minutes is undisputedly a contendor for most gore shown onscreen in movie history. You'll be laughing and gagging at the same time. Gore classic. 8/10 Beer Rating 5/5

quote:

ORIGINAL: evil bill

quote:

ORIGINAL: DAVID GILLESPIE


Brain Dead / Dead Alive (1992) BEER MOVIE GOLD
This is surely the pinnacle of Peter Jackson's early gore-fuelled, comedy horrors. Focusing on hen-pecked mummy's boy, Lionel (Timothy Balme) and his attempts at a normal relationship with a Spanish shop girl (Diana Penalver ), things take a turn for the worse when mother (Elizabeth Moody) gets bitten by a rabid monkey at the zoo while spying on the young couple. It does not take long before the shit hits the fan and Lionel's house is overun by zombie family members, nurses, babies and other monstrosities. With only his trusty flymo and feisty girlfriend at his side, Lionel takes on the dead before his final confrontation with mummy and a second birth, so to speak.
Rarely has a flick so gory and morally wrong been so funny,or perhaps since Meet the Feebles and Bad Taste anyway. Anyone expecting a creepy, slow moving chiller will be disappointed as Brain Dead goes straight into adrenalin overdrive from the first couple of minutes. Jackson has tried to cram in as many repulsive scenes and setpieces (baby in a blender, spewed intestines, severed ears in custard etc) as he could possibly fit into a lean and mean 90 minutes or so. We also get a kung fu priest and a meat-cleaving armed mad uncle thrown into the mix. The final 20 minutes is undisputedly a contendor for most gore shown onscreen in movie history. You'll be laughing and gagging at the same time. Gore classic. 8/10 Beer Rating 5/5

This and BAD TASTE just pure total Beer Movie Gold,you can't get much better,just loved his early movies.

quote:

Dr Lenera
Thankyou, yeah, you've reminded me of that scene, am quite surprised they didn't use that in the remake.

I think they're doing a sequel. Hoping for some Flying Killers, maybe?!

Piranha II: The Spawning 1981


In this sequel to Joe Dante's PIRANHA, unsuspecting vacationers at tropical Club Elysium find that they are the main course for a school of deadly... In this sequel to Joe Dante's PIRANHA, unsuspecting vacationers at tropical Club Elysium find that they are the main course for a school of deadly piranha fish, genetically engineered as weapons by the government. One of the scientists responsible for the carnage teams up with a diving instructor to destroy the killer fish, which can launch themselves out of the water to attack, having been crossed with flying fish.

PIRANHA 2 was James Cameron's directorial debut. He was discovered by a group of producers who witnessed his genius for "directing" maggots on a prosthetic dismembered arm using electrical shocks while he was working in special effects and art direction for low-budget science fiction films. The producers were sufficiently impressed to offer him a job as director on PIRANHA 2, which was filmed on location in Jamaica.Other than that this is a so bad it's good movie,which like the first is a rip off of Jaws,and pretty much matches the first film for pacing and thrills, which isn't saying much.The Acting,Direction,Effects and story are shit,yet it's entertaining crap like the first,after all what do you expect out of a low budget horror film; cheaply made, dark and badly photographed,it's all here.There's the decent opening scene where a couple of underwater naked lovemakers get ripped apart,but then it get';s boring for about half an hour before we get some more of cheap but bloody good fun gore effects.Some tit's on show from some busty babes help keep your eyes open,and it's good Beer movie fun,for those that loved the first,or other wonderful low budget horror like Barracuda or Evil in the Deep.By the way the UK DVD release is uncut,where as the US region ! has the nudity cut,so you know which one i have.5/10

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ORIGINAL: Dr Lenera

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ORIGINAL: evil bill

quote:

ORIGINAL: DAVID GILLESPIE


Brain Dead / Dead Alive (1992) BEER MOVIE GOLD
This is surely the pinnacle of Peter Jackson's early gore-fuelled, comedy horrors. Focusing on hen-pecked mummy's boy, Lionel (Timothy Balme) and his attempts at a normal relationship with a Spanish shop girl (Diana Penalver ), things take a turn for the worse when mother (Elizabeth Moody) gets bitten by a rabid monkey at the zoo while spying on the young couple. It does not take long before the shit hits the fan and Lionel's house is overun by zombie family members, nurses, babies and other monstrosities. With only his trusty flymo and feisty girlfriend at his side, Lionel takes on the dead before his final confrontation with mummy and a second birth, so to speak.
Rarely has a flick so gory and morally wrong been so funny,or perhaps since Meet the Feebles and Bad Taste anyway. Anyone expecting a creepy, slow moving chiller will be disappointed as Brain Dead goes straight into adrenalin overdrive from the first couple of minutes. Jackson has tried to cram in as many repulsive scenes and setpieces (baby in a blender, spewed intestines, severed ears in custard etc) as he could possibly fit into a lean and mean 90 minutes or so. We also get a kung fu priest and a meat-cleaving armed mad uncle thrown into the mix. The final 20 minutes is undisputedly a contendor for most gore shown onscreen in movie history. You'll be laughing and gagging at the same time. Gore classic. 8/10 Beer Rating 5/5

This and BAD TASTE just pure total Beer Movie Gold,you can't get much better,just loved his early movies.

quote:

Dr Lenera
Thankyou, yeah, you've reminded me of that scene, am quite surprised they didn't use that in the remake.

I think they're doing a sequel. Hoping for some Flying Killers, maybe?!

Piranha II: The Spawning 1981

I actually have the US DVD, and remember thinking that it was missing nudity that I had seen in a TV showing, but I thought I was being a perv and just imagining it. 

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ORIGINAL: dj vivace

Ah mate, genius!! Just genius!!  Please keep 'em coming. I shall think up of a few over the next few days. I like the way this thread is going, first we get a new "Gold" coloured label, now we get classic moments. Love it