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2012 - 10/11/2009 12:53:28 PM   
Empire Admin

 

Posts: 26280
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Post #: 1
- 10/11/2009 12:53:28 PM   
Timon


Posts: 14541
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Bristol
 Could the "dignified self-sacrifice, my-kids-must-live heroism" and "John Cusack holding his breath underwater and ungumming the grinding-works of huge doors" be connected? If so, methinks I forsee the ending.

Ah well, it's not like I was expecting a massive plot twist or an unpredictable ending from the film. Bring on worldwide destruction.

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Post #: 2
RE: 2012 - 10/11/2009 4:36:49 PM   
captainrentboy

 

Posts: 678
Joined: 16/3/2008
From: South Wales
 Did I just read gigantic spoilers in the review? I'm guessing, yes! Good Job Empire
It appears that this reviewer feels the film is slightly beneath them and is almost embarrased by the fact that they liked it, they seem to be finding it hard to admit that the film is just an all round fun watch. Don't worry, we're not judging you for liking an Emmerich film
Although 10'000 BC fuckking stunk, jesus was that awful!

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Post #: 3
Nicked Poseidon plot - 10/11/2009 4:50:42 PM   
Skyjunky21

 

Posts: 24
Joined: 7/10/2005
Assuming this spoilerific review has given away the ending - Didn't they nick that from Kurt Russell's death scene in the Poseidon remake (Did I just give away a spoiler for that one too)?
Like when " The Sun" did a piece on water tanks used in films and the main picture was from the end of Atonement, which I also hadn't seen.

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Post #: 4
- 11/11/2009 9:42:45 PM   
dave1159

 

Posts: 15
Joined: 8/2/2008
I haven't seen this yet, looks great fun.... `but the fate of humanity depends on John Cusack holding his breath underwater and ungumming the grinding-works of huge doors.' wasn't that the end of Star Trek IV, when Kirk had to let the Whales out?

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Post #: 5
- 11/11/2009 9:42:50 PM   
dave1159

 

Posts: 15
Joined: 8/2/2008
I haven't seen this yet, looks great fun.... `but the fate of humanity depends on John Cusack holding his breath underwater and ungumming the grinding-works of huge doors.' wasn't that the end of Star Trek IV, when Kirk had to let the Whales out?

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Post #: 6
HELLO - 12/11/2009 10:15:22 AM   
7eke


Posts: 125
Joined: 21/7/2007
it's what we've come to expect from kim newman, his reviews are either half as long as the plot summary or he includes spoilers of big budget commercial films. the guy is a talentless hack.

2 stars for the review

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Post #: 7
RE: HELLO - 12/11/2009 12:03:28 PM   
lukeyboy


Posts: 1638
Joined: 11/10/2005
From: Saaaaf Laaandaan you slaaag!
 I thought the reveiw was bang on the money myself!

It's what we've all come to expect from a Roland Emmerich movie - mass destruction on a planetary scale, loads of CGI jiggery pokery, decent lead characters and as Kim Newman so aptly put it " a yapping dog who we care more about than the entire population of India!" I'm not exactly embarrassed that i liked this movie - more concerned!



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I feel like i'm Han Solo, your Chewie and she's Ben Kenobi - and we're in that FUCKED UP bar!!

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Post #: 8
RE: HELLO - 12/11/2009 1:43:16 PM   
superdan


Posts: 7200
Joined: 31/7/2008
This is a solid 2-3 star film. Basically, take The Day After Tomorrow, inject speed and steroids into its cock and this is what you end up with. All the good stuff from TDAT (mayhem and CGI) is multiplied by 100 - but so are the faults. Cliches, stereotypes, lousy dialogue, countless ridiculous escapes and cod-science are all present and correct.

Its probably the best shit film I've seen in a long while.

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Post #: 9
RE: 2012 - 12/11/2009 2:02:00 PM   
spamandham

 

Posts: 481
Joined: 27/11/2008
WHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEeeeeeeeee!!!!!11!!!1!1!!

Whiz bang explosions! Buildings go SPLAT!

Stuff going BBBBBbBOOOOOOOOoooOOOMMMMMMMMmmmmmm!!!!!!!1111!!!

Probably one of the bigger grossing films of the year.

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Post #: 10
RE: 2012 - 12/11/2009 2:13:07 PM   
spamandham

 

Posts: 481
Joined: 27/11/2008
And what the fuck is he gonna do for his next film? Blow up the sun and have a family escape the solar system to alpha centauri in a homemade rocket?

FFS

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Post #: 11
RE: HELLO - 12/11/2009 4:15:28 PM   
UTB


Posts: 8967
Joined: 30/9/2005
quote:

ORIGINAL: superdan

probably the best shit film I've seen in a long while.



If that's not a poster quote then I don't know what is.

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Post #: 12
The end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine - 12/11/2009 5:15:45 PM   
andyoliver99

 

Posts: 21
Joined: 28/12/2005
Looking forward to seeing this next week, switching off brain and dribbling into popcorn. This is the kind of event movie that can only really be done justice on the big screen. Plus, I love...LOVE... the warning line on the Odeon website, "contains sustained moderate threat"! The end of the world = moderate threat!?! MODERATE???

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Post #: 13
RE: 2012 - 12/11/2009 7:30:57 PM   
Timmy_Brisby_05


Posts: 2675
Joined: 16/11/2005
From: Grim up North
 Might win Oscars for sound and effects.

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Post #: 14
Acrapolypse Now !!!..... - 12/11/2009 11:35:05 PM   
n13roy

 

Posts: 81
Joined: 5/10/2005
If ever a Film deserved a ONE Star rating, it is this one. I cannot remember the last time I saw such a corny script, with so many pathetic attempts to entertain, plus trying hard to impress us with SO many CGI effects, all of which have been seen many times before, usually by this Director.

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Post #: 15
Same procedure as usual... - 13/11/2009 6:19:56 AM   
tusse67

 

Posts: 5
Joined: 12/5/2008
Contains a lot of eye candy... But again we're forced to watch what Emmerich consider great human angles... The fixing of a broken family and rescuing a stupid dog. But as usual we dont care about his protagonists (rather hard to care about one person with 5 billion people supposedly dying in this movie) He should stick to showing people getting killed seen from an ungrissly distance. But again... Great pictures.

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Post #: 16
RE: 2012 - 13/11/2009 8:39:11 AM  1 votes
grucl

 

Posts: 2433
Joined: 11/2/2008
quote:

ORIGINAL: spamandham

And what the fuck is he gonna do for his next film? Blow up the sun and have a family escape the solar system to alpha centauri in a homemade rocket?

FFS


No, it'll be about Shakespeare: http://screenrant.com/roland-emmerich-shakespeare-brig-31770/

You didn't see that one coming, did you?

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Post #: 17
RE: 2012 - 13/11/2009 2:46:31 PM   
Ghost Mutt


Posts: 179
Joined: 28/11/2005
From: London
 I had the absolute displeasure at seeing this about two weeks ago, and for me it's an absolute shocker. A simply terrible, headache of a film.

You can bang on about fantastic CGI all you want but if the actual story, acting and script are as bad as this then what's the point? The whole film just consisted of John Cusack running away from something... whether it's from impending doom (which is so repetitive it's borderline insulting) or responsibilities. This is a one trick pony of the shittest proportions.

You may enjoy it citing that it's simply a popcorn flick and shouldn't be viewed seriously, but that's no excuse for this type of dross. This is simply $200 million dollars spunked up the wall.

Thank Christ that I didn't have to pay to see this. It's as bad as Transformers 2. If you enjoyed Bay's robot fuckfest you'll have a whale of a time. For anyone else avoid like the plague, no in fact go see it, honestly do because I want you to share in my frustration of having to sit through nearly three hours of pointless crap.   



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Post #: 18
RE: 2012 - 13/11/2009 2:46:56 PM   
spamandham

 

Posts: 481
Joined: 27/11/2008
quote:

ORIGINAL: grucl

quote:

ORIGINAL: spamandham

And what the fuck is he gonna do for his next film? Blow up the sun and have a family escape the solar system to alpha centauri in a homemade rocket?

FFS


No, it'll be about Shakespeare: http://screenrant.com/roland-emmerich-shakespeare-brig-31770/

You didn't see that one coming, did you?


Oh dear god,

Allow me to amend my theory,

Shakespeare escapes the exploding solar system using a home made...

With Martin Lawrence set to star as Shakespeares' buddy

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Post #: 19
Starring Mollie Sugden in Come Back Mrs Noah - 13/11/2009 5:33:53 PM   
sjmlondon

 

Posts: 46
Joined: 19/9/2006
Impressive special effects (3 stars). An unintentional comedy for all the wrong reasons, usually dialogue, as well as being incredibly offensive for it's racial stereotyping and patronising tone (1 star). Alternative title 'Come Back Mrs Noah' starrng Mollie Sudgen

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Post #: 20
Starring Mollie Sugden in Come Back Mrs Noah - 13/11/2009 5:34:17 PM   
sjmlondon

 

Posts: 46
Joined: 19/9/2006
Impressive special effects (3 stars). An unintentional comedy for all the wrong reasons, usually dialogue, as well as being incredibly offensive for it's racial stereotyping and patronising tone (1 star). Alternative title 'Come Back Mrs Noah' starrng Mollie Sudgen

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Post #: 21
RE: 2012 - 13/11/2009 7:31:05 PM   
Roo


Posts: 19
Joined: 13/4/2006
From: Alresford. The Land That Time Forgot
 The 2012 trailer looks pretty good, but I do find myself less able to enjoy films like this after the events of 11 September 2001.  In the end, the constant hairs-breadth escapes and headlong rushing to survive is just exhausting.

http://jasper-thedogsblog.blogspot.com/

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Post #: 22
RE: HELLO - 13/11/2009 8:40:49 PM   
Comrade Zutroy


Posts: 1986
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: all over the shop
quote:

ORIGINAL: superdan

This is a solid 2-3 star film. Basically, take The Day After Tomorrow, inject speed and steroids into its cock and this is what you end up with. All the good stuff from TDAT (mayhem and CGI) is multiplied by 100 - but so are the faults. Cliches, stereotypes, lousy dialogue, countless ridiculous escapes and cod-science are all present and correct.

Its probably the best shit film I've seen in a long while.


Sums it up perfectly for me.  Big, loud and stupid but a hell of a lot of fun


_____________________________

If there were no rewards to reap,
no loving embrace to see me through this tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.

I'm gonna wait it out

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Post #: 23
yipee, it's the end of the world..... - 14/11/2009 10:19:07 AM   
jayandsilentbob

 

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/11/2008
this is the mother of all disaster movies. the end of the world scenes were brilliant (particularly the earthquake in LA) and some of them left me on the edge of my seat. and for people who said that the plot is a bit thin and that it's basically the day after tommorow x10 you're a bit stupid if you walk into a big balls disaster movie expecting riveting dialogue

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Post #: 24
You don't understand - 14/11/2009 5:01:49 PM   
Andybee76


Posts: 781
Joined: 16/2/2007
From: London
 People are slagging off this film for being all effects and not much plot with crappy acting. But you know a film like this is going to be like that so why bother watching it? For me, I like films like this as they are the cinematic equivalent of going on a rollercoaster I don't do it for brain stretching I do it for the thrill!!!

I will be going to see this!!!

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Post #: 25
Exhausting fun .... - 14/11/2009 6:28:38 PM   
carolinebeavon

 

Posts: 1
Joined: 14/11/2009
This review was absolutely SPOT ON!!!
Yes the script was terrible, yes we've seen it all before, yes it was unbelievably silly and unrealistic and technologically unsound, yes John Cusack was gratuitously wet and heroic throughout ...

(pause ... to take that in)

but that's the point. It's all about the fun.

I kid you not, there were times when I actually forgot to breathe during this film, the excitement was so good. In fact, even the little scrotes sitting at the back of the cinema threatening to talk throughout were quiet, and that's an achievement.

If you don't like disaster movies - then why see the film? I don't like gore films, so I'll keep my ass away from Saw 12.

I liked Towering Inferno and Poseidon Adventure.

And I VERY much liked 2012.

< Message edited by carolinebeavon -- 14/11/2009 6:30:52 PM >

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Post #: 26
RE: Exhausting fun .... - 14/11/2009 6:53:54 PM   
captainrentboy

 

Posts: 678
Joined: 16/3/2008
From: South Wales
 I enjoyed it, not quite as much as I expected to (I actually thought there would be more Total Fuckin' Destruction throughout ) but it was still an entertaining watch.
It took a while to get going mind, but once it did it was pretty much non stop carnage until the climax.
Yes the dialogue was shite and other than 'The World's freakin' blowing up' there was zero plot to care about, but it's an Emmerich film and if you went in expecting anything different you're an idiot. The CGI was simultaneously some of the best I've ever seen coupled with some occasionally awful greenscreen work.
I'd give it 3.5/5
And I would've been absolutely gutted if I'd watched the extended preview that was online a few weeks back as it was basically the best sequence in the entire film (L.A Collapsing)

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Post #: 27
RE: Exhausting fun .... - 14/11/2009 8:06:55 PM   
MI Cruise


Posts: 3098
Joined: 12/12/2008
From: Shutter Island
 2012 can be seen as a follow up to The Day After Tomorrow but instead of annoying Dennis Quiad we have John Cusack who is tons better. Lots of mayhem and destruction and yes it is better viewed on the big screen.
It's perfect just to switch you brain off and enjoy, it isn't obviously gonna win Best Picture at the Oscars but we shouldn't slate blockbuster movies just because they try and entertain us, heck some of you will like this better than Transformers 2.
The CGI was really good, the characters very bad, the director never spent any time on them so that you dont give a shit about Danny Glover or Cusacks wife. John Cusack is probably the only person the film revolves around, stars like Thandie Newton are wasted.

3.5/5

check out another review of the movie where the presenter Grace Randolph talks to people outside the cinema after they've watched the film to get their views.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JSwmqGyHlw

< Message edited by MI Cruise -- 14/11/2009 8:09:25 PM >

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Post #: 28
RE: Exhausting fun .... - 14/11/2009 8:24:15 PM   
jrewing1000


Posts: 469
Joined: 23/11/2005
WOW!!! Maybe people don't want to admit they like this, but I absolutely loved it! I'm not embarassed to say it, I enjoyed every moment of this destructo-fest. Not as good a movie as Day After Tomorrow, which kinda held up throughout and had a far better script / believability factor / emotional factor, but if you want a real action ride and love daft-but-fun premises then 2012 is your kinda movie.

Nobody should see this expecting anything that is going to test your brainpower. The science behind the world's demise is brought up and chucked away in the first 5 minutes. Cusack is a likeable crap-dad, the kids are cute and decent actors, in fact the entire cast do a great job of putting up with an at time SHIT script, whilst the world goes to pot around them. So from the humanity point of view, the movie treads water enough to survive the flood.

But onto the effects. You will NOT see a better movie for effects EVER. It is simply astonishing what they have done - in particular LA's farewell is possibly the greatest action effects sequence I've ever seen. I almost stood up and clapped.

Strangely, the more the world gets screwed up, the more the movie itself begins to unravel, until the final act is so utterly ridiculous it kinda spoils the fun. But by that point you know the end is coming and you kinda don't mind, you almost forgive the cinematic atrocities and just hold your hands up to say 'bahhh WHATEVER!'.

Solid, popcorn fodder with kickass action to boot. An absolutely solid 3.

(in reply to MI Cruise)
Post #: 29
RE: 2012 - 14/11/2009 9:34:04 PM   
Celluloid Seduction


Posts: 76
Joined: 3/2/2006
From: splashing about the Med.
 Totally agree with Empire's review this time around...very funny line about India!!

Here is an excerpt from my review...

"Although completely and utterly ridiculous, 2012 is still fantastic fun, keeping you on the edge-of-your-seat for the entire two and a half hours that it rolls on screen. There are so many holes in this noisy, brash adventure, pointing them out just spoils the fun. Leave your commonsense, and anything you learned in science class at home and you won’t be disappointed."

You can read the whole thing (plus one or two mild spoilers) at my site
www.celluloidseduction.blogspot.com


But see the movie first!

4/5

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http://www.CelluloidSeduction.blogspot.com

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Post #: 30
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