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RE: The Empire Script Challenge: Month 19

 
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RE: The Empire Script Challenge: Month 19 - 4/4/2010 11:30:46 AM   
Gazz


Posts: 873
Joined: 30/9/2005
My Vote: Oh! What A Lovely Wall
Runner Up: Snooze

I'll have a full write up and comments when voting is over just to save me commenting on my own.

< Message edited by Gazz -- 4/4/2010 11:32:12 AM >

(in reply to justified by grace)
Post #: 121
RE: The Empire Script Challenge: Month 19 - 4/4/2010 12:27:53 PM   
pedro


Posts: 70
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Glasgow
My vote if it still counts:

Sunflowers.

Review to follow. In a hurry!

_____________________________

I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign?

(in reply to Gazz)
Post #: 122
RE: The Empire Script Challenge: Month 19 - 4/4/2010 5:05:38 PM   
NickHilton


Posts: 104
Joined: 16/9/2006
I'm going to introduce a dissapointing amount of consensus in voting for SNOOZE, which was clearly written by someone who knows their way around short films.

Congratulations.


_____________________________

Visit a film blog written by someone you don't know and who has little authority on the subject and whose blog should only be of interest to close friends and family....

www.theclapperbored.com

(in reply to pedro)
Post #: 123
RE: The Empire Script Challenge: Month 19 - 5/4/2010 3:05:22 PM   
wgamador


Posts: 20320
Joined: 17/1/2006
From: A polluted womb...
Thanks for the votes!

Tonight i will announce the winner and post my thoughts.

Unfortuantely I wasnt planning on beig away from the internet all weekend so im just signing in for the first time since like Wednesday.

Anyhow, get your VOTES in....you have 7 hours left.
Thanks.

_____________________________

"And as he, who with laboring breath has escaped from the deep
to the shore, turns to the perilous waters and gazes..."



(in reply to NickHilton)
Post #: 124
RE: The Empire Script Challenge: Month 19 - 6/4/2010 8:01:52 AM   
Oddward


Posts: 705
Joined: 6/8/2007
From: Corby
If my vote still counts...

Snooze.


_____________________________

"If it can be written, or thought, it can be filmed."
- Stanley Kubrick

(in reply to wgamador)
Post #: 125
Script Challenge: Month 19: Winner Announed! - 7/4/2010 2:24:14 AM   
wgamador


Posts: 20320
Joined: 17/1/2006
From: A polluted womb...
Okay.... my vote goes to: Oh What A Lovely Wall


The voting is closed. Thank you all who took time out of your busy schedules to READ ad VOTE, it really means a lot to the authors so thank you.


Here are the results:


The Winner: (with 4 votes) : SNOOZE
Oh What A Lovely Wall and Sunflowers tied with 2 votes each.




My comments will go up real soon.

Dont forget there is no DEADLINE for feedback.


< Message edited by wgamador -- 7/4/2010 2:25:51 AM >


_____________________________

"And as he, who with laboring breath has escaped from the deep
to the shore, turns to the perilous waters and gazes..."



(in reply to Oddward)
Post #: 126
RE: Script Challenge: Month 19: Winner Announed! - 7/4/2010 5:43:19 PM   
pedro


Posts: 70
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Glasgow
Given the small amount of scripts submitted this month (including my own!), I'll only review the one which I thought best: Sunflowers

A few reasons this script was my favourite this month: Firstly, I think that it's short and simple dialogue exchanges (a compliment, honest!) make it all the more easier for the reader to conjure up images quickly in their head. Some scripts this month, although very well written, were, for me at least, harder to picture in the mind due to their descriptive narration. Anybody with me?!? The exchanges between Anna and Feldman were well written and totally believable. Well done.

I also liked the fact that what happened to the parents was never explained. Was Amy responsible? Is this little girl the devil incarnate? No, in the end all is fine. Amy is just a little girl who's parents suffered some horrible end. Or maybe not. Maybe only Amy knows but the idea of Amy being a child killer at the end is something which maybe only I took from the script but all the better for it!

Well done to all. Thought that Etre ou ne pas etre would have worked a lot better as a full length script. Just too much Fitzcarraldoesq carnage to take in at once!

_____________________________

I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign?

(in reply to wgamador)
Post #: 127
RE: Script Challenge: Month 19: Winner Announed! - 7/4/2010 11:12:07 PM   
wgamador


Posts: 20320
Joined: 17/1/2006
From: A polluted womb...
Ill post the author revelations later tonight, but no later than tomorrow.



_____________________________

"And as he, who with laboring breath has escaped from the deep
to the shore, turns to the perilous waters and gazes..."



(in reply to pedro)
Post #: 128
RE: Script Challenge: Month 19: Winner Announed! - 8/4/2010 3:59:06 AM   
wgamador


Posts: 20320
Joined: 17/1/2006
From: A polluted womb...
Here are the screenwriters------- great job by everyone.


The Winner:

SNOOZE............Monkeyfish




VESSEL..............Gazz

THE GREENHOUSE EFFECT............Punchdrunk

OH WHAT A LOVELY WALL...............Pedro

SUNFLOWERS......................Cillitbang

ETRE, OU NE PAS ETRE..............Nick Hilton


_____________________________

"And as he, who with laboring breath has escaped from the deep
to the shore, turns to the perilous waters and gazes..."



(in reply to wgamador)
Post #: 129
RE: Script Challenge: Month 19: Winner Announed! - 8/4/2010 5:16:39 AM   
wgamador


Posts: 20320
Joined: 17/1/2006
From: A polluted womb...
SNOOZE
I enjoyed the storytelling and thought that the dual angle worked very well as every detail was recalled when we moved to the "OTHER MAN". This could have easily been confusing but was handled with mastery. The whole time machine in the bedroom was fun to picture and really helped me immerse in the story. The reason why it didnt get my vote was because there were too many uneeded words in the descriptions, for example, we had pictures of the rooms to view, so most of the detailed descriptions werent really needed, it just took up space where more of the scripts cleverness could have been written. The exposition was a bit watered down.... like this line : "After a moment’s thought, instead of going back to sleep, he yawns, stretches, pushes back his duvet and gets up, staggering bleary eyed across the room." While I get what you were trying to do, it just doesnt read like most scripts. Providing too much detail defeats the blueprint of the format. Let the audience's imagination fill in the rest.


VESSEL
I liked what the author tried to do, how the story probably were images that played in ARTHUR'S dementia riddled mind. I couldnt help but to think that before ARTHUR is found, those were his last thoughts. The description paragraphs were right to the point and helped reading of the script move along nicely. I also really liked how the dialogue hides ALISON'S identity, what i mean is that at the first read, it didnt seem like ALISON knew ARTHUR and it was just an encounter of two elderly people, both looking for the same thing, companionship.
ARTHURS transformation at the end was brilliant and only blemished by this line that didnt seem to fit considering the JOY and HAPPINESS he must have been feeling..."Tears stream down his face." but believe me, i have been guilty of the same thing in the past.
So as you can see i did enjoy the story but unfortunately, we have seen this type of story so many times (well if you are as old as I am) and when the end came, I just sighed and said, been there done that.


THE GREENHOUSE EFFECT
Okay this script was challenging to read because it was mainly description with just one line of dialogue....not good for this type of challenege, because with limited pages, your story has to be nothing less than brilliant. And the story was okay....I mean half the time i was re-reading the same lines because i really wanted to get it. But I didnt. Sorry. Was the greenhouse a place where an experiment went wrong? Was the scientist on meth and was staright trippin'? Was this a "Chernobyl" type accident ?
Im so looking forward to the author's explanation and thought process. I do appreciate the way the action lines were written, they moved at a good pace, just needed more exposition on the location and the underlying theme.


OH WHAT A LOVELY WALL !
My vote went to this script and thats even before I decided that the pictures were used brilliantly here. I fucking loved the theme of this script. Here in the USA, i see people wearing images of Che, Malcolm X, Bob Marley, Castro and other revolutionary icons on shirts and hats but most of those wearing them, dont TRULY know what those guys really stood for. I mean, I asked someone who had a CHE shirt on if they knew that CHE was an assassin and he instructed many to their deaths. Many of the poor farmers lost their lives because of CHE. And if you knew someone who's family had been wiped out during the Cuban revolution you probably wouldnt be celebrating the life of a killer (for some) and a Hero (to others), I'm neutral becaue i never walked in any of their shoes. The script wasnt flashy and didnt capture the visual elegance of some of the other scripts but thats because the author makes us focus on the dialogue. I really thought the points that BANKSY makes were so on point and so key like this gem:
MAN
Yeah… but you’ve missed the point. Every single person who comes in here, people of all ages and political leanings, will take one look at that message and not think about it ever again. Messages like that are seen on just about every wall, bridge and train around the globe. It’s lost all it’s power to convey the message you so wish to spread, due to the amount of people like yourself who feel it necessary to write it on every piece of urban landscape....

The father's negative reactions were a bit cliched and would have rather seen DAD be more supportive, afterall one of the parents had to be a bit of a rebel themselves in their youth, right? The news reports about the found graffiti didnt truly work because no one would make a big deal about something like that...unless the MAN was on the run for liberating some chimps at a lab or something, you know, the authorities looking for BANKSY and while he has alluded them, his only sings of resurfacing are in the grafitti inspired by him.
Great job to the author for making me say .... Fucking A....while i was reading it. Good stuff. Loved the dialogue, loved the interactions, loved the descriptions.


SUNFLOWERS
First let me say that the author of SNOOZE should read this to see how writing a proper INTRUCTION line makes a script read so much crisper. I really liked the characterization of all in the story but AMY was awesome. Her little dark heart had me won over...because i got the impression that even if her parents were NOT dead, she still would be a dark soul. So i like the sense of darkness that underlies the story. The dialogue wasnt bad, it wasnt anything special and is probably where the author should look to improve. I liked that this was so emotionally ambitious and certainly would have gotten my vote. I enjoyed the theme of helping others who are now in the same 'shoes' you once found yourself in, God knows I have done that. What i should caution the author about is choosing the names of the main characters to be to similar, AMY and ANNA....always remember, your script could be read without the luxury of a re-read and you want to make sure that you dont confuse the audience. There were some scripts that I tried to squeeze in the reading on my way home or while i waited in line somewhere, but had to stop because i was confused and rather put off reading them until later, like the day before the voting deadline. But an overall fantastic job.


ETRE, OU NE PAS ETRE


To be continued..............

< Message edited by wgamador -- 8/4/2010 5:58:59 AM >


_____________________________

"And as he, who with laboring breath has escaped from the deep
to the shore, turns to the perilous waters and gazes..."



(in reply to wgamador)
Post #: 130
WINNER ANNOUNCED - 8/4/2010 6:10:07 AM   
wgamador


Posts: 20320
Joined: 17/1/2006
From: A polluted womb...
quote:

ORIGINAL: monkeyfish


Snooze - A nice, neat, focused concept, using the short nature of these scripts to good effect with its simple story. Often, the stories in these scripts seem over ambitious, but this was the right sort of length. I didn't especially want to read more (and I mean that as kind of a compliment!). It was a good use of the domestic spaces in the pictures to contrast the mundane aspects of the everyday with a time travel plot. However, it is a kind of one punchline sort of script. The mundane, everyday time travel thing is a nice idea (and I liked throwing in a Back To The Future reference to suggest where the script might be going), but it takes a lot of setting up when not much is happening. Even though the descriptions are largely quite concise and well observed, it still feels like reading a lot of descriptive text as there is just one character and virtually no dialogue (decent use of sound effects though).



Brilliant. You had me fooled.

_____________________________

"And as he, who with laboring breath has escaped from the deep
to the shore, turns to the perilous waters and gazes..."



(in reply to monkeyfish)
Post #: 131
RE: WINNER ANNOUNCED - 8/4/2010 3:56:49 PM   
pedro


Posts: 70
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Glasgow
Thanks to both Gazz and wgamador for the votes this month. Really appreciated them. Considering it's only my second submittion, I thought joint 2nd, albeit out of 6, was pretty darned good .

So, how is Month 20 looking with wgamador at the helm? I know your looking for some assistance, did you find it? Although I would love to help (honestly!), I just can't trust myself to commit to such a project. I'm not always on the net daily, never mind the Empire forum (60 posts in nearly 5 years, must be the laziest poster here!). I'd be as reliable as a money-up-front tradesman. Anyone else think a new challenge would be a great way to kick-start this thread though?



_____________________________

I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign?

(in reply to wgamador)
Post #: 132
RE: WINNER ANNOUNCED - 8/4/2010 4:27:34 PM   
wgamador


Posts: 20320
Joined: 17/1/2006
From: A polluted womb...

quote:

ORIGINAL: pedro

Thanks to both Gazz and wgamador for the votes this month. Really appreciated them. Considering it's only my second submittion, I thought joint 2nd, albeit out of 6, was pretty darned good .

So, how is Month 20 looking with wgamador at the helm? I know your looking for some assistance, did you find it? Although I would love to help (honestly!), I just can't trust myself to commit to such a project. I'm not always on the net daily, never mind the Empire forum (60 posts in nearly 5 years, must be the laziest poster here!). I'd be as reliable as a money-up-front tradesman. Anyone else think a new challenge would be a great way to kick-start this thread though?





No problem Pedro. I enjoyed your script very much I would love to direct it. LOL.

I have two ideas for the NEW CHALLENGE.....but i WOULD LOVE to get any SUGGESTIONS....just PM me as soon as possible since Id like to LAUNCH THE NEW CHALLENGE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!!!
Why wait!!
Anyhow, send me those PM's.....
I wasnt going to use the "picture" format since we have done 2 consecutive challenges and i want the characters and locations to be inspired by imagination.



_____________________________

"And as he, who with laboring breath has escaped from the deep
to the shore, turns to the perilous waters and gazes..."



(in reply to pedro)
Post #: 133
RE: Script Challenge: Month 19: Winner Announed! - 8/4/2010 6:13:38 PM   
monkeyfish


Posts: 1234
Joined: 18/9/2006
From: Under the sea

quote:

ORIGINAL: wgamador

Here are the screenwriters------- great job by everyone.


The Winner:

SNOOZE............Monkeyfish




VESSEL..............Gazz

THE GREENHOUSE EFFECT............Punchdrunk

OH WHAT A LOVELY WALL...............Pedro

SUNFLOWERS......................Cillitbang

ETRE, OU NE PAS ETRE..............Nick Hilton



Yay me! I did good scripting!

Lots of kind thanking sort of words go out to all those voting people (especially to Willie Mayes Hayes, justified by grace, NickHilton and Oddward, those astute reader people who liked mine the most).

Roll on new script challenge month time!

_____________________________

What became of the Empire Script Challenge?

Bring it back, I say!

(in reply to wgamador)
Post #: 134
RE: Script Challenge: Month 19: Winner Announed! - 9/4/2010 3:10:33 PM   
wgamador


Posts: 20320
Joined: 17/1/2006
From: A polluted womb...
I have recieved ZERO suggestions......

so im going to assign something really simple then.

_____________________________

"And as he, who with laboring breath has escaped from the deep
to the shore, turns to the perilous waters and gazes..."



(in reply to monkeyfish)
Post #: 135
RE: Script Challenge: Month 19: Winner Announed! - 9/4/2010 3:28:56 PM   
Oddward


Posts: 705
Joined: 6/8/2007
From: Corby
quote:

ORIGINAL: wgamador

I have recieved ZERO suggestions......

so im going to assign something really simple then.


Writers coming up with an original idea? hahaha, that's a good one...

_____________________________

"If it can be written, or thought, it can be filmed."
- Stanley Kubrick

(in reply to wgamador)
Post #: 136
RE: Script Challenge: Month 19: Winner Announced! - 9/4/2010 4:12:27 PM   
pedro


Posts: 70
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Glasgow
Sorry but I'm only aware of Months 15 onwards. Was thinking that any suggestions I have may have been done. Some ideas I thought of was:-

1). A script continuing on from the end of any known film. Maybe adding some sort of dark twist or revelation? Think Steve McQueen in the Great Escape only with another set of keys! Think the 10 page limit would really hamper this idea though.

2). A script based around the idea that a mans life is to end on death row. Anything could be took from it, be it a pardon, escape or gruesome death.

3). A script based on a known character from any film. Maybe the return of Hannibal Lecter, another case for Axel Foley or Die Hard 5.0.

Just a few ideas swilling in my head. Ideas 1 and 3 are pretty much the same. Not too sure if they are suitable or have been done before but it's a start at least. Any other suggestions? I'd be more than happy to go with wgamadors "simple" suggestion.



_____________________________

I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign?

(in reply to Oddward)
Post #: 137
RE: Script Challenge: Month 19: Winner Announced! - 9/4/2010 4:44:42 PM   
wgamador


Posts: 20320
Joined: 17/1/2006
From: A polluted womb...
What i mean by simple is that you will be ion control of 99.9% of the script.....I think it will be fun.
Im going to put the format together real soon and post the challenge.....
I think it will be interesting.......

_____________________________

"And as he, who with laboring breath has escaped from the deep
to the shore, turns to the perilous waters and gazes..."



(in reply to pedro)
Post #: 138
RE: Script Challenge: Month 19: Winner Announed! - 9/4/2010 6:33:52 PM   
monkeyfish


Posts: 1234
Joined: 18/9/2006
From: Under the sea
quote:

ORIGINAL: wgamador

I have recieved ZERO suggestions......

so im going to assign something really simple then.


I made a bunch of suggestions a couple of challenges back. I'll do a search and find them.

EDIT - Here we go, it was in the dinner party challenge:

quote:

Here's a few ideas for future contest themes (I've enjoyed the move away from must include a specific prop to the broader themes of war veteran, Grimm adaptation, dinner party etc., so more of that sort of thing would be welcome).

Required location - OK, so the dinner party theme sort of touched on this, but we've had required prop, character type etc., how about having the script being required to take place entirely in one specified location. It would be a typical film location which would lend itself to all genres and styles of script while being suitably restrictive to make it a bit of effort (e.g. a pub/bar, a school, a castle, a shop).

Musicals - It would be fun if we made people have to have a musical number somewhere in the script. Just lyrics probably, nobody has to write a score or anything and it could be just one brief song or the whole script written as a musical. You could maybe allow it to include non-original compositions as well, but used in a musical context, characters have to sing (think "Wise Up" in Magnolia).

Opening line/page - We had scripts with a required line of dialogue in them before, how about making it so that it had to be the opening of the script. Every script has the same beginning (a single line, an exchange of dialogue, a whole page, it's not really important) and see how the writers develop it from there. It would have to be something quite suggestive of multiple possible directions, something kind of vague like the line of dialogue used in the earlier challenge.

Sequel - A development of the above idea. Writers pick a previous script (I don't know if maybe a previous winning entry or one of their own earlier efforts or something) and write a follow up. It would be quite difficult to work it, especially with keeping things anonymous, but would be (like the adaptations month) an interesting test of a different writing skill (the ability to follow on and develop a piece of writing).

Genre - It's hard to do this and not get too many scripts that are similar, but you could take something that's a theme to movies rather than a style and get very different scripts. For example, it could be sports movies (resulting in scripts as different as Raging Bull and Dodgeball, Field of Dreams and The Damned United), a little bit like what happened with the historic scripts last month.


< Message edited by monkeyfish -- 9/4/2010 6:48:06 PM >


_____________________________

What became of the Empire Script Challenge?

Bring it back, I say!

(in reply to wgamador)
Post #: 139
RE: Script Challenge: Month 19: Winner Announed! - 9/4/2010 7:42:16 PM   
justified by grace

 

Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/2/2007
This is similar to monkyfish's "Opening line/page" idea, but how about giving us an existing film (either the title or a logline) to 'remake'?  That is, we have to write something which fits that, but which is different from the existing film?  It would have to be something with lots of potential for different interpretations, though.

I also like monkeyfish's musical idea, and it would probably be easier just to write lyrics without having to write a score.


_____________________________

Megamind ****
The King’s Speech ****½
Despicable Me ****½
Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole ***½
A Serious Man ****
Lars and the Real Girl ***½
Lourdes **
The Return ***½
Doubt ***½
Star Trek: Nemesis ****

(in reply to monkeyfish)
Post #: 140
RE: Script Challenge: Month 19: Winner Announed! - 9/4/2010 8:39:10 PM   
wgamador


Posts: 20320
Joined: 17/1/2006
From: A polluted womb...

quote:

ORIGINAL: justified by grace

This is similar to monkyfish's "Opening line/page" idea, but how about giving us an existing film (either the title or a logline) to 'remake'?  That is, we have to write something which fits that, but which is different from the existing film?  It would have to be something with lots of potential for different interpretations, though.

I also like monkeyfish's musical idea, and it would probably be easier just to write lyrics without having to write a score.




Cool. Thanks for the ideas....i will keep a small notebook just for ideas. I think i want something easy since I want to fish some new blood to the challenge.
Now with the musical.....im not a fan of them but I dont have a problem if Monkeyfish or Justified By Grace want to HOST a special script challenge on one of the months where I need a break, i will be more than happy to step aside for it.

Im just waiting for my boss to leave and i will get working on posting the Script Challenge : Month 20 particulars....

_____________________________

"And as he, who with laboring breath has escaped from the deep
to the shore, turns to the perilous waters and gazes..."



(in reply to justified by grace)
Post #: 141
RE: Script Challenge: Month 19: Winner Announed! - 9/4/2010 8:46:12 PM   
Oddward


Posts: 705
Joined: 6/8/2007
From: Corby
Does that mean you already know what you're doing?

_____________________________

"If it can be written, or thought, it can be filmed."
- Stanley Kubrick

(in reply to wgamador)
Post #: 142
RE: Script Challenge: Month 19: Winner Announed! - 9/4/2010 9:26:09 PM   
wgamador


Posts: 20320
Joined: 17/1/2006
From: A polluted womb...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Oddward

Does that mean you already know what you're doing?



Yes. I wanted to get back to basics a bit for my first time out.


_____________________________

"And as he, who with laboring breath has escaped from the deep
to the shore, turns to the perilous waters and gazes..."



(in reply to Oddward)
Post #: 143
RE: Script Challenge: Month 19: Winner Announed! - 9/4/2010 9:54:40 PM   
Oddward


Posts: 705
Joined: 6/8/2007
From: Corby
Well, I look forward to whatever you have planned...

_____________________________

"If it can be written, or thought, it can be filmed."
- Stanley Kubrick

(in reply to wgamador)
Post #: 144
RE: Script Challenge: Month 19: Winner Announed! - 9/4/2010 10:27:33 PM   
wgamador


Posts: 20320
Joined: 17/1/2006
From: A polluted womb...
quote:

ORIGINAL: Oddward

Well, I look forward to whatever you have planned...


I look forward to how everyone handles it.

oh and if it has been done before....(i came in at Month 13, i think) I'll assign something else.

< Message edited by wgamador -- 9/4/2010 10:29:05 PM >


_____________________________

"And as he, who with laboring breath has escaped from the deep
to the shore, turns to the perilous waters and gazes..."



(in reply to Oddward)
Post #: 145
RE: Script Challenge: Month 19: Winner Announed! - 10/4/2010 10:08:18 AM   
monkeyfish


Posts: 1234
Joined: 18/9/2006
From: Under the sea

quote:

ORIGINAL: wgamador


quote:

ORIGINAL: justified by grace

This is similar to monkyfish's "Opening line/page" idea, but how about giving us an existing film (either the title or a logline) to 'remake'?  That is, we have to write something which fits that, but which is different from the existing film?  It would have to be something with lots of potential for different interpretations, though.

I also like monkeyfish's musical idea, and it would probably be easier just to write lyrics without having to write a score.




Cool. Thanks for the ideas....i will keep a small notebook just for ideas. I think i want something easy since I want to fish some new blood to the challenge.
Now with the musical.....im not a fan of them but I dont have a problem if Monkeyfish or Justified By Grace want to HOST a special script challenge on one of the months where I need a break, i will be more than happy to step aside for it.

Im just waiting for my boss to leave and i will get working on posting the Script Challenge : Month 20 particulars....


You can't just not like all musicals. Musicals cover such a broad world of different stuff, it's not like a single genre but more like something like animation, a certain style of filmmaking that takes in every genre imaginable. That's why I thought it would be good for a script challenge, because it is very open to all sorts of directions. It's not like all musicals are the Rodgers and Hammerstein, Andrew Lloyd Webber type (which I don't really much care for either), South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut is one of the classic musicals of recent years and completely different from those.

However, it's not like I'm especially desperate to write a musical, I'm just throwing ideas and suggestions out there. I'd much rather write for the challenge than run it, to be honest, I've got to admire anyone who's willing to put in the effort to make it happen. Whatever it is you have come up with, I'll come and do a script for it.

Anyway, to wrap up my contribution to this month's challenge, my usual deconstruction of my own thought processes in writing my script will follow. I always like reading how people came up with their ideas, so here's mine...

_____________________________

What became of the Empire Script Challenge?

Bring it back, I say!

(in reply to wgamador)
Post #: 146
RE: Script Challenge: Month 19: Winner Announed! - 10/4/2010 10:48:47 AM   
monkeyfish


Posts: 1234
Joined: 18/9/2006
From: Under the sea
Snooze is actually the first time since I started entering the script contest that I went back to an old idea rather than taking inspiration completely from the challenge itself, this was probably as I had to quickly rush a script in the end to make the deadline. My original idea revolved instead around the laundry room (Room I) and how it could be a place for some disparate characters in a large apartment block to associate together. It was going to be four women from different apartments and it would cut between the laundry room to their own rooms and tell their little stories of what caused their dirty laundry. It was a bit too difficult to figure out in 10 pages so I abandoned it and went back to this idea I had had a while back and never got around to writing (Snooze).

The original concept for Snooze was much more simple than some of my previous scripts. It just grew out of one of those typical "what would you do if you could travel through time?" questions. I said, being someone who's never the best at getting up in the morning, that what I'd really like was an extra hour in bed. The image that I had in my head that I really liked was that of getting into bed beside myself and sleeping side by side with another me, it was just a weird looking thought. Thinking it over, this just sounded like a short film, I've seen a few that operate like this, taking a classic fantastic, epic theme like time travel and applying it in a very low key domestic setting, something I thought was kind of fun.

On abandoning my original contest idea, the idea of Snooze came back to me when thinking of stories that revolved entirely around domestic spaces. I knew that this was something that I could write quickly, something that could tell the whole of my simple concept and story very satisfactorily within 10 pages (something my over ambitious scripts have struggled with in the past).

I kind of already knew the way that the story would be structured. It just had to be a single character piece, where the audience would just watch a man going through his morning routine and then getting into the time machine at the end and sleeping through the sounds of the other him going through that same routine. So, essentially the rooms, the spaces in which the script takes place needed to tell the story as there was never going to be much dialogue. I had to, therefore, pick rooms that fitted the concept and the character.

The idea with the character would be that someone who has a time machine but only uses it to get an extra hour of sleep is probably doing so out of a desire not to do anything to create any time travel paradoxes (by just having the other him sleeping through the time when there are two of him), probably someone careful and obviously very private, keeping his secrets to himself. He obviously had to live alone and slightly lonely (the idea of tucking himself into bed, making himself breakfast, leaving himself a little note, treating himself almost like a lover or partner was supposed to sort of emphasise that his existence was a lonely one) to make this work. The idea was that he had to have a set routine to always follow to make things work and the morning we are watching is just the same as every other one (the time machine has liberated him into having an extra hour but has resulted in a life of endless routine).

I chose rooms that reflected this idea of routine and order. Someone who wants to have everything just so and also has an extra hour in the day to clean and tidy, would live in a very neat home but one rather lacking in personality, I dwelt on the cleanliness and lack of personal touches to kind of bring home both the benefits and the loneliness of this guy's weird existence. So, I went with the rooms where things looked expensive and polished but a little soulless. Wgamador criticised the script for the detail of the descriptions of the rooms when we had the pictures to look at, but I wanted the script to stand on its own, to operate without the pictures. Besides, if you look at Room K, say, your reading of it may be different from mine. I felt that I was actually quite succinct in giving a description of the room and conveyed what it said about its occupant - "An anonymous modern apartment. Everything is nicely but sparsely furnished, a double bed and a TV being the main objects. No bookshelves, no paintings on the wall. One side of the room is taken up by a series of windows. The curtain is drawn back to reveal an equally anonymous cityscape against the dark blue backdrop of dawn. The opposite wall is filled with a series of cupboards and wardrobes." That's one short paragraph revealing a lot of what I want people to think about my character and his lifestyle. I haven't gone overboard with any florid description, I kept it simple, short statements to reflect the neat, unfurnished environment.

Then it was just a case of filling in the scenes with the character's routine. I had two thoughts with this. One was simply that of thinking (as I normally just roll out of bed and hurry into work as quick as possible), what would you do with an hour of preparation before work? The other was the consideration that for the script to work, it needed a lot of sound references. In order for the second part, where the other version of the character is in bed, to function properly, he needed to hear what part of the routine the original him was on. That's why I had things like singing in the shower (and I put in that particular choice of song as a Back To The Future reference to give some clue of the time travel theme, the reporter on the TV also quotes from the radio in Groundhog Day; I had wanted to have every line of dialogue, given there was so little, be a quote from a time travel film, but I didn't have time to figure it out) and the cartoon on TV, as well as sizzling bacon, which would also be something the sleeping him could smell, which I liked (that image of never seeing each other but being aware through other senses).

The character in the photo looked like he was doing push-ups, so I thought a morning work-out routine would be a good example of something people would do if only they had that bit more time. The scruffiness of the guy in the photo also gave me the idea of transforming himself, shaving, sorting out his hair, into someone as neat and tidy as his house, therefore giving the later him a different appearance (something that's always useful in a time travel story to distinguish between two versions of the same person).

So, that was my thinking really this month. I was also kind of inspired by the simplicity of a time travel film like Timecrimes, that showed that a neatly structured plot can work far better than some epic Terminator style paradoxes. Because I kept it simple, this is actually probably the script that I'm most pleased with how it turned out of any I have written in this contest.

_____________________________

What became of the Empire Script Challenge?

Bring it back, I say!

(in reply to monkeyfish)
Post #: 147
RE: Script Challenge: Month 19: Winner Announed! - 14/4/2010 2:32:34 PM   
wgamador


Posts: 20320
Joined: 17/1/2006
From: A polluted womb...
Cool, MF.
That was great insight. I appreciate reading that. It made me think of MOON when I read the script the first time. And brother, im the same way, I hate the morning. I wish i could have an extra 10 minutes in the morning....an hour would be heaven.

Anyways, I look forward to your work in MONTH 20!

Oh and Nick Hilton....I owe you a critique. I just have to type it.

_____________________________

"And as he, who with laboring breath has escaped from the deep
to the shore, turns to the perilous waters and gazes..."



(in reply to monkeyfish)
Post #: 148
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