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RE: G.I. Joe: Rise Of The Cobra

 
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RE: G.I. Joe: Rise Of The Cobra - 21/8/2009 3:29:57 PM   
Cruisecontroller


Posts: 4437
Joined: 28/4/2006
Gi Joe has some impressive action set pieces especially in Paris and has a fun premise but is let down by clunky corny dialogue and some very dogy accents especially from the black English actor who was Mr Ecko in Lost giving the worst cockney accent since Don Cheedle in the Oceans remakes. The so called twists you can also see a mile away but it was fun enough. Not crap but not as good as the Mummy films so if you didn`t like them you certainly won`t like this! 3/5

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Post #: 61
RE: simple fun - 21/8/2009 8:24:59 PM   
Neth


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quote:

ORIGINAL: max314



quote:

edit: Or, you could post your review here, and not spam your own website outside of your signature? - Neth


Hm, well maybe if you could find a way to support images in your reviews forum (a luxury enjoyed by even the shittiest forums on the internet) I wouldn't have the need to link off-site in order to display it.

Also, I am a long-established member with no history of spamming content, and so find the idea that a site official making such an accusation to be shockingly shameful behaviour on the part of Empire's forum staff.

I suggest you re-evaluate the respect with which you treat your members.




I see.


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Post #: 62
RE: simple fun - 21/8/2009 8:31:30 PM   
max314


Posts: 2741
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: London
I hope you do.

It's nothing personal since I quite like you, but treating members like that is not on.


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Post #: 63
Bellylaughs - 24/8/2009 5:31:55 PM   
geoff394

 

Posts: 2
Joined: 19/9/2006
I believe that when Jon Jolin referred to this movie as Team America without the 'bellylaughs', he meant intentional ones.

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Post #: 64
Oh dear - 7/9/2009 10:47:48 AM   
gritslipper

 

Posts: 6
Joined: 3/9/2009
Gi Joe is one of the worst films I've ever seen, which was frustrating because I'm sure that somebody could have made a good film out of Gi Joe, but no, they really messed this up

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Post #: 65
Big, Loud, Dumb, Special effects filled and cheesy summ... - 8/9/2009 11:15:31 AM   
THE DALTONATOR

 

Posts: 80
Joined: 17/2/2008
This film is cheesy, poorly written, special effects filled, is loud, has lost of fight sequences, is very very camp in places and unbearably cliched and cheesy in others. However like empire said it maintains a solid sense of ridiculous 6 year old boy fantasties. It is good to see Christopher Ecclestone however playing a villain in a big hollywood movie lets hope though that he has better projects for his talents in the future.

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Post #: 66
America **** Yeah! - 11/9/2009 5:48:05 PM   
danclay77

 

Posts: 64
Joined: 13/9/2007
From: Todmorden, UK
Read my review at 

< Message edited by Neth -- 13/9/2009 8:28:41 AM >

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Post #: 67
America **** Yeah! - 11/9/2009 5:48:06 PM   
danclay77

 

Posts: 64
Joined: 13/9/2007
From: Todmorden, UK
Read my review at 

< Message edited by Neth -- 13/9/2009 8:28:54 AM >

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Post #: 68
RE: America **** Yeah! - 13/9/2009 12:23:52 AM   
max314


Posts: 2741
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: London
Wait, how come Mr. 24 Posts gets to link to his blog twice without anyone getting a woody?


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RE: America **** Yeah! - 13/9/2009 12:46:15 AM   
Olaf


Posts: 23695
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I'm guessing it's because there's no mods about. Not that "Mr 24 Post"'s post count makes any difference. Right Max? (that said, it is obviously a spam account, so I'm not sure how he's gone so long without modly action taken.)

< Message edited by Olaf -- 13/9/2009 12:48:07 AM >


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RE: America **** Yeah! - 13/9/2009 11:29:07 AM   
max314


Posts: 2741
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: London
quote:

ORIGINAL: Olaf

I'm guessing it's because there's no mods about. Not that "Mr 24 Post"'s post count makes any difference. Right Max? (that said, it is obviously a spam account, so I'm not sure how he's gone so long without modly action taken.)


The post count was merely referring to the fact that I'm a long-standing poster who had his review link removed on account of spamming (I wasn't - I just wanted to be able to post the image in my review, which this part of the board doesn't support) whereas this other dude - with only 24 posts - gets to do it twice with no repercussions.

Just found that a little annoying.


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Post #: 71
G.I. JOKE - 8/10/2009 1:40:31 AM   
CIRVIRUS64

 

Posts: 51
Joined: 20/12/2008
Never seen anything as fuckin' ridiculous as this in all my natural. Sooooo disappointing. For me though, it's not all bad, I'd rate this as the comedy of the year so far, unintentionally of course. This is a one star movie but I'll give it a two for the effort put into the special effects.

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Post #: 72
This movie is cool - 29/11/2009 10:33:57 PM   
Smootle

 

Posts: 33
Joined: 18/9/2009

I was expecting cliche after cliche and that's exactly what i got. I was expecting awesome action scenes and special effects - and that's what I got. what I wasn't expecting was a genuinly funny script and some half decent character development. I disagree with the reviewer when he says that flashbacks revealing the characters pasts could have been avoided to save time. seeing has a lot more of an impact that hearing in this context. why would I want to hear the ninja talk about how he used to spar with snake eyes? I wanna see it man!
the one liners are'nt great but are by no means bad. the 'nice shoes' comment is perfectly valid and quite humorous. watch the film and you'll see why.

and the reviewer would prefer real men with guns instead of uber cool power suits that run at break-neck speeds and fire missles? hmm....

just try this movie out - you might be surprised.


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Post #: 73
This movie is cool - 29/11/2009 10:34:23 PM   
Smootle

 

Posts: 33
Joined: 18/9/2009

I was expecting cliche after cliche and that's exactly what i got. I was expecting awesome action scenes and special effects - and that's what I got. what I wasn't expecting was a genuinly funny script and some half decent character development. I disagree with the reviewer when he says that flashbacks revealing the characters pasts could have been avoided to save time. seeing has a lot more of an impact that hearing in this context. why would I want to hear the ninja talk about how he used to spar with snake eyes? I wanna see it man!
the one liners are'nt great but are by no means bad. the 'nice shoes' comment is perfectly valid and quite humorous. watch the film and you'll see why.

and the reviewer would prefer real men with guns instead of uber cool power suits that run at break-neck speeds and fire missles? hmm....

just try this movie out - you might be surprised.


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Post #: 74
Goes Downhill - Fast - 8/12/2009 7:21:01 AM   
magiclips

 

Posts: 20
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Edited.  Double Post.

< Message edited by magiclips -- 8/12/2009 7:24:17 AM >

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Post #: 75
Goes Downhill - Fast - 8/12/2009 7:21:05 AM   
magiclips

 

Posts: 20
Joined: 12/11/2009
Only one thing persuaded me to give this pile of nonsense more than one star. The Paris chase scene. Yes, of course, it's completely over the top, but that's the whole point. It's fun, yet it's so ridiculous that one doesn't even shudder at the magnificence of the French capital being ripped to pieces.

One of the criticisms of this film is that the scene showing the Eiffel Tower's demise is distinctly uncomfortable in the post 9/11 era. I disagree. The whole scene is so absurd, the movie so clearly beyond the realms of anything approaching reality, that the tragedy of the Twin Towers never crossed my mind. Paris is my favourite city in all the world, but not for one moment did the mayhem make me feel uncomfortable. You automatically switch off from real life when scenes are as overblown and absurd as this.

BUT,..don't ask me what happens after the Paris mayhem. I rapidly began to lose interest. The flashback scenes are completely uncalled for. This is not a film about character developement. Who cares why somebody in a movie like this turned out the way they did.

The special effects are generally very good, but the whole film degenerates into a mishmash of the absurd. Apparently, its ending leaves no doubt that a sequel is intended. I'll have to take other reviewers' word for that, because by then my finger was hovering on the stop button of my DVD remote control and my mind was on what I should wear to work the next day. In the final analysis, only somebody with the mentality of a 12 year old boy could sit through this rubbish riveted to every scene and left wanting even more.

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Post #: 76
- 9/12/2009 10:34:24 AM   
filmburner30

 

Posts: 1554
Joined: 5/12/2006
From: guildford
Shit Beyond belief and i like bit stupid blockbusters like Transformers and 2012 .
This was just boring 3/10

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Post #: 77
RE: - 11/12/2009 10:44:23 AM   
JIm R

 

Posts: 9185
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Surrey
Watched it on DVD last night. Now Sommers isn't know for his well crafted independant film making and so you book in for a few hours and get a a war film with toys in it - essentially what Action Force (to us brits) was always about.

Corny, cliched, a plot wriiten by a four year old yes, but all wrapped up in the fun etertainment it was meant to be.

As a collecter of the toys and comics as a child I was a huge fan so purely for cuiosity I watched it and was an enjoyable two hours, yes they fucked up on origin and presentation here and there, where was Cobra Commander's original blue costume for example but they did have a Snake Eyes v Storm Shadow face off so not all bad.

3 stars.

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Post #: 78
Good fun - 13/12/2009 1:21:55 AM   
RogueElement

 

Posts: 69
Joined: 22/11/2007
I really enjoyed this, I thought it was a lot of fun. Silly nonsense but very entertaining.

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Post #: 79
Harmless fun and quite entertaining - 7/1/2010 12:59:04 PM   
livewire


Posts: 4049
Joined: 24/1/2006
From: Northern Ireland
Watched this on DVD last night. I happen to like sommers movies. they don't pretend to be anything that they're not. they're entertaining and a good way to spend 120mins of your life. beats watching celebrity big brother. more of the same please.

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Post #: 80
Wasn't expecting much, but jeeeeezzz.... - 13/1/2010 12:26:31 PM   
Sotto Voce

 

Posts: 788
Joined: 5/9/2009
I wanted it to be good, even on a 'mindless action' level like Sommers' previous efforts, but it just isn't.
I think I came up with better plots and dialogue when I was playing with GI Joe figures many years ago. And possibly better acting as well. Its a shame, as others have said, because the potential was there. Who was the guy playing Duke? Was he aware that he was being filmed?

I found it slightly amusing that they just casually called each other "Duke" and "Snake Eyes" and "Ripcord" when it would have been a good idea to mention that these were code names. And was anyone else reminded of Monty Python and the Holy Grail by that opening scene in medievil France?

A couple of decent ideas, but otherwise horrendous. One and a half CG ninja stars.



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RE: Wasn't expecting much, but jeeeeezzz.... - 28/2/2010 10:55:42 AM   
superdan


Posts: 8222
Joined: 31/7/2008
Watched this yesterday for the first time as for some reason my housemate bought it. Really didn't think I'd enjoy it, didn't even want to, but I couldn't help find it mindless fun. Everyone in it seems to be enjoying themselves so much, and some of the set pieces are impressive (although I thought some of the cgi was surprisingly poor). Still, entertaining brain-on-standby fluff.

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Post #: 82
Great On Action, Bad On Story. - 28/2/2010 2:46:39 PM   
joanna likes films

 

Posts: 987
Joined: 27/10/2007
From: Bexhill
Stephen Sommers is one awesome guy. He makes great action and fun filled adventures like The Mummy/The Mummy Returns. With G.I Joe, it's more or less the same but has a terrible plot and bad story wise. The pefomances werrn't staged, the special effects were good and the action was loud enough to blast the speakers. Just a shame that I couldn't understand the story. At times, it made no sense and got annoyed of the constant jumping from subplot to another. It wasn't laugh out loud funny but did have a few jokes and had familer faces from the Mummy movies. It's worth a try if you love crash bang action but don't expect a story to understand.

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Post #: 83
Mindless action movie of the worst kind - 8/4/2010 8:24:23 PM   
djphilips

 

Posts: 104
Joined: 26/12/2008
From: Malta
The problem about this movie is that it offers nothing in substance (no surprise there) but also nothing in action. The plot is nonsensical, special effects are ropey and action scenes, while delivering in entertainment, are hardly anything to write home about. Not to mention the usual horrible acting, laughable writing and unspired directing from a previously not-so-bad Stephen Sommers.
Do yourself a favour and watch The Dark Knight instead for your action fix.

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RE: Mindless action movie of the worst kind - 18/5/2010 3:53:21 PM   
kumar


Posts: 5227
Joined: 2/10/2005
I just watched this about an hour ago. It is the stupidest film around but i somehow watched all of it. It reminded me a bit of the Power Rangers movie. I cant really say much else about it other than Sienna Miller was so foooking hot in this and my brain is mush. I lawled a bit at Brendon Fraser though. Something about some ninjas and a cobra.

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Hello, my weird, childhood friends. And Scarlett, why n... - 17/4/2011 9:33:46 AM   
Then again who does?

 

Posts: 16
Joined: 2/1/2011

Back in the distant, primordial past, it seemed either impractical or very bad form to covet both Star Wars and GI Joe figures. I was a Star Wars kid, I’d like to think because their doughy, smiling faces were evocative of childhood innocence. Nevertheless, GI Joe: I was fascinated by them. The tiny accessories, of real-world machine guns, pistols, etc. So easy for a child to lose, why supply them at all? And the audacious number of articulated joints on the figures – a kid could drown in such luxury. But the thing which obsessed me most was the fact that all the characters were so wildly disparate. Why, I remember thinking, would Cobra Snake Man, who is an uber-cool character, be subservient to Cobra Metal-Face? Why would Snake-Eyes Ninja, one of the coolest characters of the eighties, be subservient to Col. Flint, who is just a man in combat gear? That the film tried to cross-reference all the characters, and give them compelling relationships, shows they understand the weird dynamic of the original figures, and kudos for that. As for the story itself, I had only two fears; that it would be a homo-erotic tit-rub for the real-world military, and that the story would be too ham-fisted. On the whole, those two fears were alleviated. Certainly, there were some narrative clichés, or near-clichés, but I forgive them, because I am like Jesus. But generally: Come on, come on, keep it moving, don’t give me time to think. World-consuming nano-bots? That’s innovative. A ninja-fight between two tiny children, one of whom blocks a thrust to quickly gobble some food? That’s innovative. In closing, this is pretty near to being as satisfying as Speed Racer. And Scarlett Joe? (bites knuckles, gives agonised moan, stares like Captain Howdy, makes ‘you’ve made my cobra rise, love’ joke).

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G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra Review - 19/12/2011 2:28:08 PM   
the film man

 

Posts: 605
Joined: 13/10/2010
While fans of the Hasbro toy franchise may revel in a bit of nostalgia, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is largely a cartoonish, over-the-top action fest propelled by silly writing, inconsistent visual effects, and merely passable performances.

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Post #: 87
Utter nonsense - 4/5/2012 6:54:02 PM   
Zach_JC

 

Posts: 5
Joined: 11/12/2011
It was literally one of the worst things I've ever seen in my life. The acting was awful, the dialogue was dire, an utterly nonsense plot full of cliches and plot holes, poor directing and incredibly abismal CGI

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Post #: 88
- 4/5/2012 6:57:59 PM   
Zach_JC

 

Posts: 5
Joined: 11/12/2011
And why the fuck was there some kind of Star Wars-esque underwater space ship fight?!

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Post #: 89
RE: - 17/4/2013 8:02:25 AM   
Phubbs


Posts: 658
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G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)

Based on the iconic American action figure which was originally based around real US military units/branches. Better known in the UK as the iconic 'Action Man' and was (I think) the only soldier based toy of the time, plus it had many accessories to boot!. I had an 'Action Man' plus a few vehicles when I was younger, I can never forget the extreme blonde buzz cut he had and 'Barbie-like' clothing hehe never really stuck with this particular toy.

Then whilst living in the US of A at a tender age of around 8 years old, I came across the G.I.Joe cartoon, I was hooked. Now I will admit up front I don't really recall any of the stories behind the franchise/characters, I only liked it for the cool action, cool vehicles and of course cool looking characters (bit like 'M.A.S.K.'). I might also add I believe this was the first and possibly only cartoon that dealt with terrorists? the good guys actually battling a force that isn't shy about letting themselves be known as terrorists, don't think that would happen anytime nowadays.

On to the film...hmmm tricky, very tricky. I was highly dubious when this was announced, even more so when it came out, the levels of CGI in this film was mind blowing. The story basically sets up a few characters on both the good side and bad and takes us through how 'Cobra Commander' comes to power. Sommers decided to only use a handful of the massive roster of characters which was probably a good choice but one wonders if a few more could have been stuck in there, the ones with cool outfits perhaps.

I liked how they kinda went about this as a prequel of sorts, setting up how the bad guys come to be, it also sets up the obvious sequel and seeing the main bad guys in full swing. The story was handled quite well I thought, like I say I don't really know the backgrounds to these people but after some research and watching the film it all fit together well, some changes aside *ahem*.

I liked how the main two villains ('Commander' and 'Destro') have their stories told and we see how they become their more famous personas. I liked the small flashbacks that gave us clues about various other characters and their backgrounds, and in all fairness I thought the characters looked pretty neat too. Sure they all looked like rehashed characters from other sci-fi/action films, nothing really original, but they looked solid, believable and realistic, not campy as was feared.

The problems arise with the acting for one thing, its awful!. Didn't exactly expect it to be stunning but these guys really do move and sound like plastic figures. The worst easily being Tatum followed easily by Marlon Wayans who I don't even think you can call an actor. What was worse was the fact certain actors seemed to take it seriously, Eccleston, Quaid and Pryce I'm looking at you, at the same time Levitt was doing a brilliantly campy Batman villain, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje (jesus!) simply can't act end of and the same can be said for Miller.

I don't understand Hollywood sometimes, they wanna make an adaptation like this, clearly they wanna make it semi serious to appeal to the wider audience and to jump on the Bond/Marvel/'Mission: Impossible' type bandwagon which was in full swing. But then they go and cast people who can't act and who star in regular garbage, why on earth would you cast Wayans in this? right there you have a huge negative already, do you want an action flick or some dumb childish pratfall gag reel?.

We then come to the hideous CGI issue. This film reminded me of the 'Star Wars' prequels with their massive CGI elements and multiple finales, I think this film really tries for that similar final bang towards the end. To a degree they do achieve that, I can't deny the scope of the film is impressive with tonnes going on, plenty of visual imagination and action, all manner of crafts, subs, weapons, aircraft etc...all over the show. The problem is its so damn hectic its hard to make out what's going on, it really is a complete rip off from 'Star Wars' in how the films acts are staged and of course the CGI is bad, real bad, the cartoon looked better lol!. You can see its a Sommers film because 'The Mummy' films had dreadful CGI too.

Unsurprisingly the film is a very loud, fake looking, badly acted, explosion filled wet dream for Toys R Us. But you gotta look at this collectively, yes its complete trash of the highest order and yes Hollywood should know better. But on the other hand I'm sure the targeted audience will love it and wanna buy the toys, job done. Its a shame Hollywood never seems to learn and keeps producing such nonsense when they could make something half decent, especially with such rich material as this. But again at the end of the day we all know what to expect these days, we all know PG-13 is the favoured way to go and if you're honest the film does deliver what it promises for who its intended, you can't really deny that.

So yeah the film is rubbish and the prime example of modern day CGI filled crapola made purely for merchandise n money. I did enjoy some of it like I said, the plot wasn't half bad amazingly, the characters did look like their toon/comic counterparts I think (in some cases), shame about 'Cobra Commanders' crappy looking mask at the end. Miller was hot in her tight outfits whilst 'Snake Eyes' and 'Storm Shadow' were easily the best looking, most exciting and intriguing characters (bit like 'Scorpion' and 'Sub-Zero').

Offering plenty of bang for your buck no doubt and a fun brainless night in perhaps, I suppose it does what it sets out to do, just poorly. The sequence where 'Duke' and 'Ripcord' are suited up in those special astronaut type outfits and tearing through Paris to get to the Eiffel Tower, probably one of the worst effects/action sequences I've seen in a long long time. Truly ridiculous, bogged down with utterly lame visual comedy/gags courtesy of Wayans and it all looks nasty.

4/10

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