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The Empire Village - A haven for scum and villainy

 
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The Empire Village - A haven for scum and villainy - 29/5/2009 10:57:48 AM   
swordsandsandals


Posts: 12571
Joined: 6/1/2006
From: A magical forest
I've just decided to start a new village. A river runs through it, silver birches and weeping willows are prosperous, and there is plenty of land for building on. It's a beautiful little place in the country, and I have just proclaimed myself mayor of this town. Suggestions for names of this village are welcome, but it has to sound quintessentially british. The policy of the village council (so far containing me) is that, like the nation of Bhutan, gross happiness is more important than gross profit.

So please, come and join me in my village. However, there are some conditions. You have to explain what skills you will bring to the village, what good you will be to the village and any role you might play in it's general wellbeing. Also, you have to say where you will want to live and what you intend to live in. Any grand, ultra-modern flats or buildings may well be rejected by the council.

And yes, this is another one of the many threads started out of sheer boredom. But I know what you forumites are like, and most of you will respond. I tried being a cult leader for a while but that failed, so now I'm running a village instead. Please come and join me.

< Message edited by shool -- 13/10/2011 10:47:09 AM >


_____________________________

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawlinson

Swords is right about everything.



quote:

ORIGINAL: Hood_Man

Swords smells like bum.


Post #: 1
RE: The Empire Village - 29/5/2009 11:01:14 AM   
Deviation


Posts: 27284
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Enemies of Film HQ
Is it a Communist village, a lutheran village, an islamic village, a capitalist, a village like the one in The Village or a fascist village?

_____________________________

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dpp1978
There are certainly times where calling a person a cunt is not only reasonable, it is a gross understatement.

quote:


ORIGINAL: elab49
I really wish I could go down to see Privates

(in reply to swordsandsandals)
Post #: 2
RE: The Empire Village - 29/5/2009 11:02:55 AM   
igotnewlegs


Posts: 5065
Joined: 11/9/2006
From: The big blue velour marble
Screw your puny village! I come with an army of evil to burn it to the ground!
 
 
 
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!


_____________________________

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
Woody Allen


I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
Douglas Adams

(in reply to swordsandsandals)
Post #: 3
RE: The Empire Village - 29/5/2009 11:03:24 AM   
kaner316


Posts: 1778
Joined: 18/8/2006
From: Not Wales !!!
are there any zombies or ninjas?

_____________________________

Bartlet: What do we do with him?
Sam: Make him the Ambassador to Paraguay.
Bartlet: What do we do with the Ambassador to Paraguay?
Sam: Make him Ambassador to Bulgaria.
Bartlet: I like this. Because, if everybody keeps moving up one, I can go home

(in reply to Deviation)
Post #: 4
RE: The Empire Village - 29/5/2009 11:04:19 AM   
Clarence Worley


Posts: 586
Joined: 30/9/2005
can i be the village idiot? i will bring such skills as tripping over my own shoelaces, making outrageous drunken claims, and generally making a fool of myself

edit: or after seeing newlegs havoc bringing chaos post, can i be a fireproof village idiot - who is also proficient in the art of tae-kwon do

< Message edited by Clarence Worley -- 29/5/2009 11:06:00 AM >


_____________________________

God will forgive them. He'll forgive them and allow them into Heaven. I can't live with that.

That's what they're saying about me now? That I'm paranoid?

(in reply to swordsandsandals)
Post #: 5
RE: The Empire Village - 29/5/2009 11:05:17 AM   
Goodfella


Posts: 17186
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: North Devon
I've lived in one weird and backward village already in my life thanks...

_____________________________

"It is the Shawshank Redemption! Just with more tunneling through shit and less fucking redemption."

If you can quote the rules, then you can obey them.


(in reply to Clarence Worley)
Post #: 6
RE: The Empire Village - 29/5/2009 11:05:26 AM   
Deviation


Posts: 27284
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Enemies of Film HQ
newlegs has zombie ninjas.

I think we should start a nuclear program were the abuse the working populace to bambard newlegs' army.

_____________________________

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dpp1978
There are certainly times where calling a person a cunt is not only reasonable, it is a gross understatement.

quote:


ORIGINAL: elab49
I really wish I could go down to see Privates

(in reply to kaner316)
Post #: 7
RE: The Empire Village - 29/5/2009 11:06:29 AM   
Deviation


Posts: 27284
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Enemies of Film HQ
quote:

ORIGINAL: Clarence Worley

can i be the village idiot? i will bring such skills as tripping over my own shoelaces, making outrageous drunken claims, and generally making a fool of myself


As long as your also the fool and fail to shag women.

_____________________________

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dpp1978
There are certainly times where calling a person a cunt is not only reasonable, it is a gross understatement.

quote:


ORIGINAL: elab49
I really wish I could go down to see Privates

(in reply to Clarence Worley)
Post #: 8
RE: The Empire Village - 29/5/2009 11:07:47 AM   
igotnewlegs


Posts: 5065
Joined: 11/9/2006
From: The big blue velour marble
quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation

newlegs has zombie ninjas.

I think we should start a nuclear program were the abuse the working populace to bambard newlegs' army.


Too late for all that. I've already started to enslave the populace. Men work digging mines and what not. Women, well, you know...

_____________________________

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
Woody Allen


I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
Douglas Adams

(in reply to Deviation)
Post #: 9
RE: The Empire Village - 29/5/2009 11:08:51 AM   
Deviation


Posts: 27284
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Enemies of Film HQ
quote:

ORIGINAL: igotnewlegs

quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation

newlegs has zombie ninjas.

I think we should start a nuclear program were the abuse the working populace to bambard newlegs' army.


Too late for all that. I've already started to enslave the populace. Men work digging mines and what not. Women, well, you know...


Too bad we're financing a marxist revolt in your mines. And the wheel hjas started turning, and you can't stop it.

_____________________________

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dpp1978
There are certainly times where calling a person a cunt is not only reasonable, it is a gross understatement.

quote:


ORIGINAL: elab49
I really wish I could go down to see Privates

(in reply to igotnewlegs)
Post #: 10
RE: The Empire Village - 29/5/2009 11:10:53 AM   
igotnewlegs


Posts: 5065
Joined: 11/9/2006
From: The big blue velour marble
quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation

quote:

ORIGINAL: igotnewlegs

quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation

newlegs has zombie ninjas.

I think we should start a nuclear program were the abuse the working populace to bambard newlegs' army.


Too late for all that. I've already started to enslave the populace. Men work digging mines and what not. Women, well, you know...


Too bad we're financing a marxist revolt in your mines. And the wheel hjas started turning, and you can't stop it.


200 pounds of C4 planted along the entrance of the mine says differently.

_____________________________

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
Woody Allen


I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
Douglas Adams

(in reply to Deviation)
Post #: 11
RE: The Empire Village - 29/5/2009 11:10:56 AM   
Clarence Worley


Posts: 586
Joined: 30/9/2005
quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation

quote:

ORIGINAL: Clarence Worley

can i be the village idiot? i will bring such skills as tripping over my own shoelaces, making outrageous drunken claims, and generally making a fool of myself


As long as your also the fool and fail to shag women.


at least give me the ugly/stupid ones

_____________________________

God will forgive them. He'll forgive them and allow them into Heaven. I can't live with that.

That's what they're saying about me now? That I'm paranoid?

(in reply to Deviation)
Post #: 12
RE: The Empire Village - 29/5/2009 11:12:02 AM   
swordsandsandals


Posts: 12571
Joined: 6/1/2006
From: A magical forest
So far only Clarence Whorely is allowed into the village. Really, we need policemen, engineers, philosophers, scholars etc. Newlegs you are a wanted man, and as soon as I can get some more people to live in this village of mine I'm going to issue a fatwa on you.

_____________________________

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawlinson

Swords is right about everything.



quote:

ORIGINAL: Hood_Man

Swords smells like bum.



(in reply to Deviation)
Post #: 13
RE: The Empire Village - 29/5/2009 11:12:30 AM   
Deviation


Posts: 27284
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Enemies of Film HQ
quote:

ORIGINAL: Clarence Worley

quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation

quote:

ORIGINAL: Clarence Worley

can i be the village idiot? i will bring such skills as tripping over my own shoelaces, making outrageous drunken claims, and generally making a fool of myself


As long as your also the fool and fail to shag women.


at least give me the ugly/stupid ones



Oh ok. The old, ugly, fat stupid ones.

_____________________________

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dpp1978
There are certainly times where calling a person a cunt is not only reasonable, it is a gross understatement.

quote:


ORIGINAL: elab49
I really wish I could go down to see Privates

(in reply to Clarence Worley)
Post #: 14
RE: The Empire Village - 29/5/2009 11:12:45 AM   
Deviation


Posts: 27284
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Enemies of Film HQ
quote:

ORIGINAL: igotnewlegs

quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation

quote:

ORIGINAL: igotnewlegs

quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation

newlegs has zombie ninjas.

I think we should start a nuclear program were the abuse the working populace to bambard newlegs' army.


Too late for all that. I've already started to enslave the populace. Men work digging mines and what not. Women, well, you know...


Too bad we're financing a marxist revolt in your mines. And the wheel hjas started turning, and you can't stop it.


200 pounds of C4 planted along the entrance of the mine says differently.


We also thought them how to disarm them.

_____________________________

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dpp1978
There are certainly times where calling a person a cunt is not only reasonable, it is a gross understatement.

quote:


ORIGINAL: elab49
I really wish I could go down to see Privates

(in reply to igotnewlegs)
Post #: 15
RE: The Empire Village - 29/5/2009 11:13:47 AM   
Deviation


Posts: 27284
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Enemies of Film HQ
quote:

ORIGINAL: swordsandsandals

So far only Clarence Whorely is allowed into the village. Really, we need policemen, engineers, philosophers, scholars etc. Newlegs you are a wanted man, and as soon as I can get some more people to live in this village of mine I'm going to issue a fatwa on you.


I am a Philosophy (Honours) student. All I wrote here was a clever satire of what society shouldn't be.

_____________________________

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dpp1978
There are certainly times where calling a person a cunt is not only reasonable, it is a gross understatement.

quote:


ORIGINAL: elab49
I really wish I could go down to see Privates

(in reply to swordsandsandals)
Post #: 16
RE: The Empire Village - 29/5/2009 11:14:03 AM   
swordsandsandals


Posts: 12571
Joined: 6/1/2006
From: A magical forest
quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation

quote:

ORIGINAL: Clarence Worley

quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation

quote:

ORIGINAL: Clarence Worley

can i be the village idiot? i will bring such skills as tripping over my own shoelaces, making outrageous drunken claims, and generally making a fool of myself


As long as your also the fool and fail to shag women.


at least give me the ugly/stupid ones



Oh ok. The old, ugly, fat stupid ones.


I can't believe we are 13 posts in and already there is talk of sleeping with fat old women and a war. Typical.

_____________________________

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawlinson

Swords is right about everything.



quote:

ORIGINAL: Hood_Man

Swords smells like bum.



(in reply to Deviation)
Post #: 17
RE: The Empire Village - 29/5/2009 11:15:14 AM   
swordsandsandals


Posts: 12571
Joined: 6/1/2006
From: A magical forest
quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation

quote:

ORIGINAL: swordsandsandals

So far only Clarence Whorely is allowed into the village. Really, we need policemen, engineers, philosophers, scholars etc. Newlegs you are a wanted man, and as soon as I can get some more people to live in this village of mine I'm going to issue a fatwa on you.


I am a Philosophy (Honours) student. All I wrote here was a clever satire of what society shouldn't be.


Um ok, where are you going to live?

_____________________________

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawlinson

Swords is right about everything.



quote:

ORIGINAL: Hood_Man

Swords smells like bum.



(in reply to Deviation)
Post #: 18
RE: The Empire Village - 29/5/2009 11:15:20 AM   
Deviation


Posts: 27284
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Enemies of Film HQ
Anbd you forgot to mention the Capitalist German Fascist policies.

_____________________________

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dpp1978
There are certainly times where calling a person a cunt is not only reasonable, it is a gross understatement.

quote:


ORIGINAL: elab49
I really wish I could go down to see Privates

(in reply to swordsandsandals)
Post #: 19
RE: The Empire Village - 29/5/2009 11:16:14 AM   
Rinc


Posts: 12819
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: A park bench, with a newspaper quilt
Can i be the police chief? I was a prefect at school so i've got all the relevant experience.

_____________________________

No spoilers please:

Invisiotext:
[ color=#F1F1F1 ]text[ /color ]

(in reply to swordsandsandals)
Post #: 20
RE: The Empire Village - 29/5/2009 11:16:31 AM   
igotnewlegs


Posts: 5065
Joined: 11/9/2006
From: The big blue velour marble
quote:

All I wrote here was a clever satire of what society shouldn't be
quote:

ORIGINAL: swordsandsandals

quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation

quote:

ORIGINAL: Clarence Worley

quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation

quote:

ORIGINAL: Clarence Worley

can i be the village idiot? i will bring such skills as tripping over my own shoelaces, making outrageous drunken claims, and generally making a fool of myself


As long as your also the fool and fail to shag women.


at least give me the ugly/stupid ones



Oh ok. The old, ugly, fat stupid ones.


I can't believe we are 13 posts in and already there is talk of sleeping with fat old women and a war. Typical.


That's not all. I just released a mutated strain of the ebola virus. Its pretty nasty - it literally turns your skin inside out.

_____________________________

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
Woody Allen


I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
Douglas Adams

(in reply to swordsandsandals)
Post #: 21
RE: The Empire Village - 29/5/2009 11:17:27 AM   
Deviation


Posts: 27284
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Enemies of Film HQ
quote:

ORIGINAL: swordsandsandals

quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation

quote:

ORIGINAL: swordsandsandals

So far only Clarence Whorely is allowed into the village. Really, we need policemen, engineers, philosophers, scholars etc. Newlegs you are a wanted man, and as soon as I can get some more people to live in this village of mine I'm going to issue a fatwa on you.


I am a Philosophy (Honours) student. All I wrote here was a clever satire of what society shouldn't be.


Um ok, where are you going to live?


In the same room were all the women, the slim, pretty, young ones go to sleep.

_____________________________

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dpp1978
There are certainly times where calling a person a cunt is not only reasonable, it is a gross understatement.

quote:


ORIGINAL: elab49
I really wish I could go down to see Privates

(in reply to swordsandsandals)
Post #: 22
RE: The Empire Village - 29/5/2009 11:18:39 AM   
Clarence Worley


Posts: 586
Joined: 30/9/2005
quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation

quote:

ORIGINAL: Clarence Worley

quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation

quote:

ORIGINAL: Clarence Worley

can i be the village idiot? i will bring such skills as tripping over my own shoelaces, making outrageous drunken claims, and generally making a fool of myself


As long as your also the fool and fail to shag women.


at least give me the ugly/stupid ones



Oh ok. The old, ugly, fat stupid ones.


can they not just be ugly and stupid? - they dont have to be fat and old aswell!!

_____________________________

God will forgive them. He'll forgive them and allow them into Heaven. I can't live with that.

That's what they're saying about me now? That I'm paranoid?

(in reply to Deviation)
Post #: 23
RE: The Empire Village - 29/5/2009 11:18:48 AM   
Deviation


Posts: 27284
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Enemies of Film HQ
quote:

ORIGINAL: igotnewlegs

quote:

All I wrote here was a clever satire of what society shouldn't be
quote:

ORIGINAL: swordsandsandals

quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation

quote:

ORIGINAL: Clarence Worley

quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation

quote:

ORIGINAL: Clarence Worley

can i be the village idiot? i will bring such skills as tripping over my own shoelaces, making outrageous drunken claims, and generally making a fool of myself


As long as your also the fool and fail to shag women.


at least give me the ugly/stupid ones



Oh ok. The old, ugly, fat stupid ones.


I can't believe we are 13 posts in and already there is talk of sleeping with fat old women and a war. Typical.


That's not all. I just released a mutated strain of the ebola virus. Its pretty nasty - it literally turns your skin inside out.


We are immune to ebola, and not only that, it empowers us.

_____________________________

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dpp1978
There are certainly times where calling a person a cunt is not only reasonable, it is a gross understatement.

quote:


ORIGINAL: elab49
I really wish I could go down to see Privates

(in reply to igotnewlegs)
Post #: 24
RE: The Empire Village - 29/5/2009 11:19:16 AM   
swordsandsandals


Posts: 12571
Joined: 6/1/2006
From: A magical forest
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rinc

Can i be the police chief? I was a prefect at school so i've got all the relevant experience.


You're in, although you need to choose somewhere to live. There's a nice hill with a pond next to it if you like.

You're first task is to arrest igotnewlegs for disturbance of the peace.

_____________________________

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawlinson

Swords is right about everything.



quote:

ORIGINAL: Hood_Man

Swords smells like bum.



(in reply to Rinc)
Post #: 25
RE: The Empire Village - 29/5/2009 11:22:27 AM   
Deviation


Posts: 27284
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Enemies of Film HQ
quote:

ORIGINAL: Clarence Worley

quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation

quote:

ORIGINAL: Clarence Worley

quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation

quote:

ORIGINAL: Clarence Worley

can i be the village idiot? i will bring such skills as tripping over my own shoelaces, making outrageous drunken claims, and generally making a fool of myself


As long as your also the fool and fail to shag women.


at least give me the ugly/stupid ones



Oh ok. The old, ugly, fat stupid ones.


can they not just be ugly and stupid? - they dont have to be fat and old aswell!!


Ok then.

_____________________________

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dpp1978
There are certainly times where calling a person a cunt is not only reasonable, it is a gross understatement.

quote:


ORIGINAL: elab49
I really wish I could go down to see Privates

(in reply to Clarence Worley)
Post #: 26
RE: The Empire Village - 29/5/2009 11:26:02 AM   
igotnewlegs


Posts: 5065
Joined: 11/9/2006
From: The big blue velour marble
quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation

quote:

ORIGINAL: igotnewlegs

quote:

ORIGINAL: swordsandsandals

quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation

quote:

ORIGINAL: Clarence Worley

quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation

quote:

ORIGINAL: Clarence Worley

can i be the village idiot? i will bring such skills as tripping over my own shoelaces, making outrageous drunken claims, and generally making a fool of myself


As long as your also the fool and fail to shag women.


at least give me the ugly/stupid ones



Oh ok. The old, ugly, fat stupid ones.


I can't believe we are 13 posts in and already there is talk of sleeping with fat old women and a war. Typical.


That's not all. I just released a mutated strain of the ebola virus. Its pretty nasty - it literally turns your skin inside out.


We are immune to ebola, and not only that, it empowers us.


Empowers you into a ZOMBIE! This is why I attacked your twisted village - the experiments on your people have to stop.
"People of Swords Village hear my words! Your leaders were not chosen by you! Who are they to take command over your very lives? Do you not deserve respect? Do you not deserve to live your lives without fear of zombification and/or vampirism? Do you not deserve better rent control? I call on you now to rise up with me, to rebel against the forces of evil that plague your once glorious village! Yes, I burned down many houses and killed quite a few of your relatives. Many others suffered severe burns at my hands but, you know, we all make mistakes. Come with me and rise once more!
 
Newlegs! Newlegs! Newlegs! Who's with me?"


_____________________________

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
Woody Allen


I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
Douglas Adams

(in reply to Deviation)
Post #: 27
RE: The Empire Village - 29/5/2009 11:37:05 AM   
Rinc


Posts: 12819
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: A park bench, with a newspaper quilt

quote:

ORIGINAL: swordsandsandals

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rinc

Can i be the police chief? I was a prefect at school so i've got all the relevant experience.


You're in, although you need to choose somewhere to live. There's a nice hill with a pond next to it if you like.

You're first task is to arrest igotnewlegs for disturbance of the peace.


That sounds like a lovely place to live. I can put my prize koi carp in the pond.

I hereby arrest igotnewlegs for disturbance of the peace!

_____________________________

No spoilers please:

Invisiotext:
[ color=#F1F1F1 ]text[ /color ]

(in reply to swordsandsandals)
Post #: 28
RE: The Empire Village - 29/5/2009 11:39:57 AM   
igotnewlegs


Posts: 5065
Joined: 11/9/2006
From: The big blue velour marble
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rinc


quote:

ORIGINAL: swordsandsandals

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rinc

Can i be the police chief? I was a prefect at school so i've got all the relevant experience.


You're in, although you need to choose somewhere to live. There's a nice hill with a pond next to it if you like.

You're first task is to arrest igotnewlegs for disturbance of the peace.


That sounds like a lovely place to live. I can put my prize koi carp in the pond.

I hereby arrest igotnewlegs for disturbance of the peace!


I'm afraid I don't recognise your authority 'Rinc'.

_____________________________

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
Woody Allen


I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
Douglas Adams

(in reply to Rinc)
Post #: 29
RE: The Empire Village - 29/5/2009 11:45:06 AM   
Deviation


Posts: 27284
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Enemies of Film HQ
quote:

ORIGINAL: igotnewlegs



Empowers you into a ZOMBIE! This is why I attacked your twisted village - the experiments on your people have to stop.
"People of Swords Village hear my words! Your leaders were not chosen by you! Who are they to take command over your very lives? Do you not deserve respect? Do you not deserve to live your lives without fear of zombification and/or vampirism? Do you not deserve better rent control? I call on you now to rise up with me, to rebel against the forces of evil that plague your once glorious village! Yes, I burned down many houses and killed quite a few of your relatives. Many others suffered severe burns at my hands but, you know, we all make mistakes. Come with me and rise once more!
 
Newlegs! Newlegs! Newlegs! Who's with me?"



It's not us who made you zombies, dear friends, but newlegs' choice of composing the media of simply soap opera and Micheal Bay films. It was latent my friends..............latent

_____________________________

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dpp1978
There are certainly times where calling a person a cunt is not only reasonable, it is a gross understatement.

quote:


ORIGINAL: elab49
I really wish I could go down to see Privates

(in reply to igotnewlegs)
Post #: 30
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