Sway
Posts: 8914
Joined: 30/9/2005 From: Albuquerque
|
I can't pinpoint why I'm pissed off, but I am. Everything seems to be really irritating me just now. After my first op in December, my recovery progress was really swift. And after I'd got passed the pain and discomfort, I felt great. Really happy. I don't know if it was because, and this will sound silly, of the novelty of having a major operation. I felt as though I'd been through a lot (which I had), and was proud to show off my scar to everyone, and was determined to get back walking and back to normal as quick as possible. I felt really appreciative for a lot of things after the op had put a lot of stuff into perspective for me. This time round it's completely different. Physically it's been a lot harder, a lot more exhausting, but mentally I'm just done in. I feel angry at stupid things - for example in the sitting room we have a large foot stool (or pouffe, if you will), that I've been using when sitting on the couch, as it's been much more comfortable for me. It's really large and is heavy to move. And yet because my mum is so anal about house keeping, instead of leaving it by the couch for me, she moves it back to where it usually sits under the window every night. Meaning I have to drag this thing myself in the morning, and my body is still super weak. It knocks the breath out of me doing this simple task. And today it's really tipped me over the edge, and I actually cried about it. I'm angry, tired, frustrated and I have no energy, motivation or will - unlike last time when I kept pushing myself to keep active and test my boundaries all the time. Not to mention, last time round my scar was tidy/neat and looked pretty awesome, this time round my stomach just looks an absolute mess. Totally superficial worry, I know, but I'm a 27 year old female, it's natural I guess. I don't know if it's because I'm in limbo waiting for the results which determine whether I'm already on recovery road or if I need more stuff done. But I'm not feeling anywhere near as positive or as happy as after my last op. Anyway, moan, moan moan. Just needed to get all that off my chest.
_____________________________
"I am not in danger, Skyler. I AM the danger! A guy opens his door and gets shot and you think that of me? No. I am the one who knocks!"
|