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RE: The Jokes Thread

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RE: The Jokes Thread - 12/10/2012 6:59:42 AM   
Hood_Man


Posts: 11271
Joined: 30/9/2005
If Abu Hamza gets the eletric chair, he can stick his hook in the air and pretend he's in a bumper car.

(in reply to sanchia)
Post #: 1141
RE: The Jokes Thread - 21/10/2012 1:39:00 AM   
SadFace


Posts: 1420
Joined: 1/1/2008
From: Derbyshire / Leicester
 The first rule of Chinese Whispers Club is that you do not talk about Tiny Whiskers Grub.

_____________________________

Tobias, you blowhard.

(in reply to Hood_Man)
Post #: 1142
RE: The Jokes Thread - 21/10/2012 3:54:51 PM   
doubtlesswonder


Posts: 2329
Joined: 21/10/2005
From: Yorkshire
quote:

ORIGINAL: SadFace

The first rule of Chinese Whispers Club is that you do not talk about Tiny Whiskers Grub.




_____________________________

quote:

homersimpson_esq
"Will someone please get this motherfuckin' horcrux outta this motherfuckin' snake."


quote:

homersimpson_esq
"See Mr Grey.
See Mr Grey abuse women.
Run women, run."

(in reply to SadFace)
Post #: 1143
RE: The Jokes Thread - 16/12/2012 12:09:37 PM   
Hood_Man


Posts: 11271
Joined: 30/9/2005
"Father Michael!" I shouted to the elderly priest, "Father Michael! It's good to see you again."
"Hello Brian," he responded by taking my outstretched hand. "It's been a long time. I'm surprised you seem so pleased to see me.....after.....well, you know what happened the last time we were together."
I sensed his apprehension. "It's ok Father.. I don't blame you... It was my fault."
"I wish I could feel the same," he said quietly. "But I should have known better."
He turned his head away from me slightly and said quietly, "I'm really sorry. If it's any consolation, I ask God for forgiveness every single night."
"Seriously Father.. It wasn't your fault."
"It's nice of you to say so Brian, but I still feel terribly guilty."
"Don't," I replied, "I was the silly fucker who asked her to marry me."

(in reply to doubtlesswonder)
Post #: 1144
RE: The Jokes Thread - 18/12/2012 8:24:28 AM   
darthbane


Posts: 5739
Joined: 27/10/2005
From: Twelve parsecs outside the Rishi maze
 So this guy is strolling around the mall with a pencil in each one of his ears. “Excuse me sir”, said an old lady, “you have pencils in your ears.” “I can’t hear you”, said the guy, “I have pencils in my ears.”

What kind of computer sings?
A Dell

Hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food but no atmosphere.



< Message edited by darthbane -- 18/12/2012 8:27:24 AM >

_____________________________

"You're not safe here. No one is" Batman - Arkham City

http://www.invelos.com/dvdcollection.aspx/darthbane

(in reply to Hood_Man)
Post #: 1145
RE: The Jokes Thread - 23/12/2012 5:19:48 PM   
Hood_Man


Posts: 11271
Joined: 30/9/2005
Off colour Christmas joke in 3... 2... 1...



Highlight below:

What do homeless people get at Christmas?

Cold.


Merry Christmas

(in reply to darthbane)
Post #: 1146
RE: The Jokes Thread - 27/12/2012 11:50:39 PM   
Mister Coe

 

Posts: 569
Joined: 20/10/2012
You know what I hate... those Russian dolls...

They're so full of themselves.

_____________________________

Say what now?

(in reply to Hood_Man)
Post #: 1147
RE: The Jokes Thread - 10/1/2013 9:27:21 AM   
jonson


Posts: 8067
Joined: 30/9/2005
My wife said " I bet you can't go a full day without telling jokes about periods"

I said "You're on"

_____________________________

I've got all the Barbie ones!!!

Yeah but you're old. Really old. Old. Old. Old. Old.

(in reply to Mister Coe)
Post #: 1148
RE: The Jokes Thread - 10/1/2013 9:30:14 AM   
Rebenectomy


Posts: 5533
Joined: 20/1/2008
From: 10-0-11-0-0 by 0-2
 What's brown and lurks at the bottom of the ocean attacking mermaids?


Jack the Kipper.

_____________________________

TARDIS = Time And Relative Digestives In Space

(in reply to jonson)
Post #: 1149
RE: The Jokes Thread - 10/1/2013 10:11:32 AM   
Tafferel


Posts: 180
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Your wardrobe
What do the donkeys on Blackpool Beach get for lunch?




Twenty minutes


(in reply to Rebenectomy)
Post #: 1150
RE: The Jokes Thread - 18/1/2013 8:46:09 PM   
SadFace


Posts: 1420
Joined: 1/1/2008
From: Derbyshire / Leicester
 A man was dating a girl called Lorraine. They were very happy together, until one day the man met a girl at work called Clearly. The man and Clearly began to hit it off and he eventually realised there was nothing for him to do but break up with Lorraine. He tried to tell her several times but each time backed out at the last second.

Then, one day, the man found out that Lorraine had died in a car accident. At the funeral, his friend came up to him and said, "I'm sorry for your loss."

The man replied, "It's not all bad, I can see Clearly now Lorraine has gone."



< Message edited by SadFace -- 18/1/2013 8:48:21 PM >

_____________________________

Tobias, you blowhard.

(in reply to Tafferel)
Post #: 1151
RE: The Jokes Thread - 25/2/2013 11:03:57 PM   
Mister Coe

 

Posts: 569
Joined: 20/10/2012
How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?

It's an obscure number... you won't have heard of it.

_____________________________

Say what now?

(in reply to SadFace)
Post #: 1152
RE: The Jokes Thread - 1/5/2013 8:20:27 PM   
Johnny Lawrence

 

Posts: 18
Joined: 28/4/2013
It's Afro Caribbean day at work next week. I'm dreading it.

(in reply to Mister Coe)
Post #: 1153
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