Chrisdee
Posts: 1756
Joined: 30/9/2005
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Why do sports supplements foam? If I B.S. the rest of my report will I pass with a good grade? Do I even care at this point? At this moment? NO...I am saying to Hell with life and all the shoulds and crap! I want to run and run forever in the sunshine...just me, the ground, the horizon (?sp--that looks wrong) and air! I try and try and it gets me NADA! I'm not trying anymore! I'm living! I'm NOT PERFECT! I try! I can't live up to my expectations! I can't live up to opinions that I have of me that I think others have of me....I fall! Tired of falling. My eyes are puffy--I should stop crying--lol. How long can I keep Whatsername on repeat before I drive everyone CRAZY? What is truth? Why do people get their feelings hurt? It's lame! I think so...if one understood themselves and loved themselves, there would be NO tears. Why do people cry in movies? They are pretending...do we pretend to care and cry? Is there such thing as 'the right one'? What if you found them and it is lost? What if one chooses NO? What then? is there a right two? Odd...lol. do you think I'm looney? Should I care? You asked what is on my mind....I usually have one thing...but it is amongst a bunch of thoughts that flood after one another as you see above. How do you make the opinion of yourself the most important one? Would that mean you put yourself first? Is that bad? What if you believe in a God? How do I get out of a negative thinking pattern? I want out? How can one be crying one second and then laughing the next? How can one feel empty but feel completely high on life? How can one be on a low point in life but feel complete excitement for the next moment and yet wanting to run away from it? Ahhhh! Can't go back...don't want to...scared to move forward--lol....I'll hang right HERE--NOW! I wanna go to the gym! I want my 4 pack back! I wanna see how quickly I can get again lol! I love my friends. Did I ever thank Indy and Indio and Crayon for being my friends and introducing me to cool people that eventually became my friends? For being so rad during such a tough time? Did I ever thank my best friend for teaching me so much? For bringing me to such happiness, to a point where I see--I'M OKAY! I'm not looney! (I'm a weird looney in a crazy way, but not a crazy looney), that I deserve a life of so much more than I was giving myself....for teaching me to plan and dream again--to help me get to the point where I can love myself--yeah I need to work on the putting my opinion of ME first above all, but it's coming! Did I ever thank my best bud for the greatest smile ever! Thank you, Best Friend (odd because my bfriend won't read this...lol.) I'm talking to myself? HELP! lol. Anyway, these are my thoughts...THANK YOU INDY, INDIO, CRAYON, DES, CLEMINTINE (I love Clem...I miss you), Rocky, Kingpin, Kilto (that has disappeared in the forum transition), Jackie, BCrazy (I can't spell your name--lol) Lulu and Squall for hanging with me at the airport and waiting for me on the underground etc. Izz, Mickey C, OddCinema for hanging out at the meet, Daz for talking with me uhhhh, and I forget so of your user names peeps!...GGR for all the middle of the night requests for changes. Godzilla (almost called you by your first name ) for all the fun pm's that cheer me up. Mumblin for fantastic convos and advice, Frank White for always having something intelligent to contribute to threads, Oh peoople there are so many! BellaVery--she's a sweetie. Gen-Gen (in life) for being such a doll and for being such a friend. Aaron (in life) for accepting me so everyone else would. Zach for being CRAZY and all tough guy--whatever! Jordan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and Marco for a life outside the internet. Ila for being just a cutie and making me feel like she can relate, we have a lot in common and she's so rad too. Bubba for the fun convos, Ginge for sticking to his opinions and patience to explain where I am off my rocker, Funky for her optimism (?sp), Jedibobster for talking with me about stuff, Dovey for being a pal, Noel for being talking with me for hours on the phone, even when I fell asleep. I still feel guilty about that. Liz for caring. The other Liz for personal reasons. Families of friends for making my friends who they are! My family--they ROCK! They are soooooo accepting and such great pals--these are all the things I'm thinking of and it's making me feel better so I'm still typing it...I'll probably go back and delete it so No worries, Everyone from YNA all the fun parties that we no longer have. MSN peeps for inviting me into convos and making me feel accepted and wanted--you guys wanted me around--that is such a nice feeling--thank you. I'm sorry for all people that I forgot to name, but if you've seen me around then I've probably seen you and I am grateful for you too! LOL! Did you read all that? You're CRAZY--that's what I'm thinking.
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Enjoy this moment
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