How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (Full Version)

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Rhubarb -> How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (16/11/2012 12:24:01 PM)

So how are you going to survive the vampire apocolypse? We've planned for zombie apocolypses like most people, but have you planned too much for that one, and going to look stupid when its a different apocolypse that you are ill equipped to deal with?

With vampires, clearly the best policy is to implement a "no inviting Christopher Lee over the threshold" rule, starting immediately. Sorry Christopher Lee, but I can't take that chance I'm afraid.

Werewolves, obviously you just need to get some silver in the house, basically.

Come share you game plan, then there are potentially more surviviors when the worst happens.




MonsterCat -> RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (16/11/2012 12:28:51 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhubarb

So how are you going to survive the vampire apocolypse?


Duck and cover.




great_badir -> RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (16/11/2012 12:30:47 PM)

Surely let one bite you and become a hot young sex object.

That's what normally happens when you get bitten by a vampire, right? That and ending up in any number of mediocre films and TV shows. But it's a salary.

But that's what I'm banking on on getting rid of my belly goitre, anyway. A million sit-ups, crunches and "mountain climbing" exercises has done fuck all, and being bitten by a vamp is cheaper than surgery.

Werewolves and zombies have never really been sexy, but vampires have. Even if you end up looking like a shoulder, your vampire charisma will attract all the beautiful women.




Rhubarb -> RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (16/11/2012 12:30:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MonsterCat


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhubarb

So how are you going to survive the vampire apocolypse?


Duck and cover.


That's the Gears of War apocolypse.




clownfoot -> RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (16/11/2012 12:34:02 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhubarb

quote:

ORIGINAL: MonsterCat


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhubarb

So how are you going to survive the vampire apocolypse?


Duck and cover.


That's the Gears of War apocolypse.


Isn't it for when a volcano erupts?




Rhubarb -> RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (16/11/2012 12:35:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: clownfoot


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhubarb

quote:

ORIGINAL: MonsterCat


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhubarb

So how are you going to survive the vampire apocolypse?


Duck and cover.


That's the Gears of War apocolypse.


Isn't it for when a volcano erupts?


If a volcano erupts, I suggest striking an interesting pose in case you get incased in the ash like Pompeii




great_badir -> RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (16/11/2012 12:36:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhubarb
If a volcano erupts, I suggest striking an interesting pose in case you get incased in the ash like Pompeii


Hand on cock, and/or balls.




Rhubarb -> RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (16/11/2012 12:37:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: great_badir

Surely let one bite you and become a hot young sex object.


[photo of Kristen Stewart]

quote:


Werewolves have never really been sexy

[photo of Taylor Lauter]

quote:

but vampires have. .


[photo of Robert Pattinson]




Rhubarb -> RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (16/11/2012 12:38:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: great_badir

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhubarb
If a volcano erupts, I suggest striking an interesting pose in case you get incased in the ash like Pompeii

Hand on cock, and/or balls.



Exactly - you don't want to be remembered forever as cowering under a desk.





sanchia -> RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (16/11/2012 12:40:00 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: great_badir

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhubarb
If a volcano erupts, I suggest striking an interesting pose in case you get incased in the ash like Pompeii


Hand on cock, and/or balls.


Yours or someone elses?




great_badir -> RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (16/11/2012 12:40:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhubarb

quote:

ORIGINAL: great_badir

Surely let one bite you and become a hot young sex object.


[photo of Kristen Stewart]

quote:


Werewolves have never really been sexy

[photo of Taylor Lauter]

quote:

but vampires have. .


[photo of Robert Pattinson]



You got me.

Although I defend my werewolves comment - they've only become sexy in the last couple of years and largely thanks to Twilight (which I have NOT seen, I should add).

And loads of people find R-Patz (or whatever we call him) and that young anorexic boy with long hair the epitome of walking sex.

So yeah - I have no idea what my point is.




Shifty Bench -> RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (16/11/2012 12:40:57 PM)

We are all thinking as though 'real' vampires are as sexy as the ones in books and films. Maybe they have been 'sexed up' and real vampires are hideous slobs. Also, we are assuming that the rules that apply in books and films also apply in real life. How do we actually know they can't enter a house unless invited? The fact is, the first part of the vampire apocalypse will be a learning curve and by that time, most of us will be dead anyway because we all thought we knew the rules......

IT'S COMMON SENSE PEOPLE!!!!!


[sm=augen14.gif]




Rhubarb -> RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (16/11/2012 12:42:09 PM)

R-Patz has got inspiring hair, in fairness.




great_badir -> RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (16/11/2012 12:43:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sanchia
quote:

ORIGINAL: great_badir

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhubarb
If a volcano erupts, I suggest striking an interesting pose in case you get incased in the ash like Pompeii


Hand on cock, and/or balls.


Yours or someone elses?


Depends, really. If you want to leave a bit of mystery for future archeologists, then definitely someone else's. Even better if you make sure they don't want you to hold it/them.

But if you want to be seen as "the man who's last act in life was to have a Thomas" (Tank as opposed to Tit), then your own.




Rhubarb -> RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (16/11/2012 12:44:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shifty Bench

We are all thinking as though 'real' vampires are as sexy as the ones in books and films. Maybe they have been 'sexed up' and real vampires are hideous slobs. Also, we are assuming that the rules that apply in books and films also apply in real life. How do we actually know they can't enter a house unless invited? The fact is, the first part of the vampire apocalypse will be a learning curve and by that time, most of us will be dead anyway because we all thought we knew the rules......

IT'S COMMON SENSE PEOPLE!!!!!


[sm=augen14.gif]


We can only go by what we know though, as a broad plan, Shifty. And as a generation so overloaded with pop culture, it makes sense to use that to our advantage. The older generations will be screwed with their lack of over-analyising books and movies.




great_badir -> RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (16/11/2012 12:47:14 PM)

I understand what Shifty means, though - "real" vampires (as in those who lead a vampire lifestyle in real life without going as far as sucking blood from necks) are all pasty-faced emos who don't shower and look like they haven't slept for a year.

...which is kind of how R-Patz and the young boy look to me...

So I still don't know what my point is.




Rhubarb -> RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (16/11/2012 12:49:28 PM)

The alien apocolypse scenario is easily dealt with, thanks to Mars Attacks!, though it means keeping a Tom Jones CD nearby at all times, just in case.




great_badir -> RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (16/11/2012 12:51:22 PM)

Don't forget the computer virus and the common cold as well.


...I've decided my point is that I would probs prefer to be turned into a turd monster when the apoopalypse happens. People would leave me alone then.




Shifty Bench -> RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (16/11/2012 12:51:37 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhubarb

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shifty Bench

We are all thinking as though 'real' vampires are as sexy as the ones in books and films. Maybe they have been 'sexed up' and real vampires are hideous slobs. Also, we are assuming that the rules that apply in books and films also apply in real life. How do we actually know they can't enter a house unless invited? The fact is, the first part of the vampire apocalypse will be a learning curve and by that time, most of us will be dead anyway because we all thought we knew the rules......

IT'S COMMON SENSE PEOPLE!!!!!


[sm=augen14.gif]


We can only go by what we know though, as a broad plan, Shifty. And as a generation so overloaded with pop culture, it makes sense to use that to our advantage. The older generations will be screwed with their lack of over-analyising books and movies.


But a lot of the text and films contradicts other stuff. Can they fly or not? Do they sleep in coffins or hanging upside down in a cave like bats? Do you really have to kill the head vampire and if so does that mean whoever they turned will become human again? We should prepare for all eventualities.

You have got me worried about the vampire apocalypse now Rhub. I wasn't worried about the zombie one, all I have to do is be faster than other people and considering the majority of people on my street are pensioners, I think I'll be fine. The vampire apocalypse opens up so many questions, though, we are not prepared for it! We need a plan in advance so the dirty bloodsucking scum don't get their way!




great_badir -> RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (16/11/2012 12:53:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shifty Bench
all I have to do is be faster than other people


But you've neglected a couple of the 80s Italian zombie flicks and new-wave zombies where they are all fast, dexterous and slightly intelligent.




Shifty Bench -> RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (16/11/2012 12:56:55 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: great_badir

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shifty Bench
all I have to do is be faster than other people


But you've neglected a couple of the 80s Italian zombie flicks and new-wave zombies where they are all fast, dexterous and slightly intelligent.



But they're Italian, they always have to be different. I'm in Scotland, all our zombies will be slow, lazy and won't give a fuck.




great_badir -> RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (16/11/2012 12:59:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shifty Bench
But they're Italian, they always have to be different. I'm in Scotland, all our zombies will be slow, lazy and won't give a fuck.


True.

Plus your zombies will also be too busy whisking up batter for the deep fryer.




Shifty Bench -> RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (16/11/2012 1:01:19 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: great_badir

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shifty Bench
But they're Italian, they always have to be different. I'm in Scotland, all our zombies will be slow, lazy and won't give a fuck.


True.

Plus your zombies will also be too busy whisking up batter for the deep fryer.


Now you're just being silly and using a stereotype.....


[:D]




great_badir -> RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (16/11/2012 1:08:01 PM)

Well, I stay in Glasgow with a mate at least twice a year. So that obvs (obviously) makes me part Scottish. So I can say things like that.


In all seriousness, though, every time I go up I'm surprised by how few obese people I see walking round. I swear it's worse down here. Either that, or up there there are more "remove the walls of my house" cases.

I was also disappointed to learn that the only place near my mate that did stornoway suppers closed last year and the nearest one now is in Govan. But he won't take me to Govan.




matty_b -> RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (16/11/2012 1:09:18 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhubarb

The alien apocolypse scenario is easily dealt with, thanks to Mars Attacks!, though it means keeping a Tom Jones CD nearby at all times, just in case.


Slim Whitman, surely?




Rhubarb -> RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (16/11/2012 1:15:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shifty Bench


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhubarb

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shifty Bench

We are all thinking as though 'real' vampires are as sexy as the ones in books and films. Maybe they have been 'sexed up' and real vampires are hideous slobs. Also, we are assuming that the rules that apply in books and films also apply in real life. How do we actually know they can't enter a house unless invited? The fact is, the first part of the vampire apocalypse will be a learning curve and by that time, most of us will be dead anyway because we all thought we knew the rules......

IT'S COMMON SENSE PEOPLE!!!!!


[sm=augen14.gif]


We can only go by what we know though, as a broad plan, Shifty. And as a generation so overloaded with pop culture, it makes sense to use that to our advantage. The older generations will be screwed with their lack of over-analyising books and movies.


But a lot of the text and films contradicts other stuff. Can they fly or not? Do they sleep in coffins or hanging upside down in a cave like bats? Do you really have to kill the head vampire and if so does that mean whoever they turned will become human again? We should prepare for all eventualities.

You have got me worried about the vampire apocalypse now Rhub. I wasn't worried about the zombie one, all I have to do is be faster than other people and considering the majority of people on my street are pensioners, I think I'll be fine. The vampire apocalypse opens up so many questions, though, we are not prepared for it! We need a plan in advance so the dirty bloodsucking scum don't get their way!



That's why I made this thread - I think we are underprepared. We need to determine the most likely eventualities and ways around them.




clownfoot -> RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (16/11/2012 1:23:17 PM)

So, what do we do when the inhabitants from the planet of the nymphomaics decide to attack? Bonk them to death?




Shifty Bench -> RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (16/11/2012 1:24:36 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: clownfoot

So, what do we do when the inhabitants from the planet of the nymphomaics decide to attack? Bonk them to death?


It would be the only way to make sure....




great_badir -> RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (16/11/2012 1:25:19 PM)

We just let whatever happens happen.

But bear in mind that they will almost certainly eat us afterwards. And I don't mean a good nympho eat us. I mean proper devouring and digesting. Like spiders. The bitches.




Shifty Bench -> RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses (16/11/2012 1:26:40 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: great_badir

We just let whatever happens happen.

But bear in mind that they will almost certainly eat us afterwards. And I don't mean a good nympho eat us. I mean proper devouring and digesting. Like spiders. The bitches.


But in Clowny's scenario, they'd be dead......




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