Cinemaphobe... (Full Version)

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clownfoot -> Cinemaphobe... (21/9/2012 3:23:36 PM)

March 2011. Thatís the last time I watched a film at the cinema. It was not even a night out. It was the local midday Ďbabyí cinema viewing of Hop. No balls to the wall action or inappropriate f-ing and blinding; just James Marsden fucking around as the Easter bunny whilst Russell Brand did voices! Apart from the ever delightful Penny from Big Bang Theory appearing as Marsdenís sister, I donít actually recall much about it, which is a sure fire signal for defining mediocrity. So, the last time I properly went to the cinema was sometime in 2010, which was so long ago now I canít even recall what it was I watchedÖ

This wouldnít have happened in 1999 when in the space of two weeks I saw things you wouldnít have believed; the second coming being rightly trashed by the greatest sleeper hit ever is kind of what I imagine c-beams glittering on the shoulder of Orion and attack ships on fire by the Tanhauser Gate probably looks like. So where has it all gone wrong? Some delicate introspection is required to ascertain whether I have become a grumpy and reclusive cinemaphobe.

There is some tangible context to apply before coming to any pre-determined judgements. Clowny Jnr was born in January 2011; a point in time when I was immediately beset upon by hitherto unknown responsibility. Decision-making now followed a defined order Ė the boy before my own selfish wants and needs. Nappies and shit are flipping expensive, as is a night out at the cinema. Two tickets, popcorn, a possible meal beforehand and beers after to discuss the hidden depths of the latest Adam Sandler flick and youíve pretty much spent the best part of £40 to sit though tedious wank like The Expendables (sadly, not every movie is Scott Pilgrim vs The World). Thatís like 250 nappies. With such reasoning you can begin to see why cinema-going has fallen off the radar.

In addition, Iíve kind of moved out of my comfort zone. Essex to Surrey to be precise! Back in the homeland there is an entourage of like-minded individuals whom travel regularly to Festival Park in Bas Vegas to watch the latest cinema releases. And by latest I mean just that. There really must have been nothing else on the weekend Mission to Mars was released (I still havenít forgiven you for that Wenty). Yet it did also provide the opportunity to sit through little known gems like Ravenous, The Limey and Syrianna as well. But I seem to be at a loss without having good company at the cinema. Frequenting the cinema on my own just seems weird, especially the mingling with poshos from Surrey. I never thought Iíd ever have the need to say this, but itís just not Basildon (shit, now youíre all going to think I yearn for The Sugar Hut) and, therefore, a little disorientating.

Finally, itís very rare an Amelie comes along (the middle ground between District 9 and Jane Eyre) to allow for the better half and I to agree on a cinema date together. She wonít come along simply to hold my hand and make it look like Iím not some weird and creepy thirtysomething who goes to the cinema on his own if she has to sit through Tucker and Dale vs Evil. Which I donít even understand; Tucker and Dale vs Evil is freaking awesome!

So, Iím kind of at a loss as to what to do other than bide my time and wait for the DVD release. Just like Iím doing now for The Raid, The Pirates! in an Adventure with Scientists, Prometheus, The Dark Knight Rises and Judge Dredd. If there is one thing Iíve learnt as a father its patience and these relatively non-essential things can wait. But that doesnít make it an easy thing to see through; especially watching others discuss movies whilst youíre on the outside looking in with no frame of reference, carefully navigating a route through potential spoilers to DVDville. Itís a bollock-aching agony. Particular when you recognise Scott Pilgrim is an arsehole, rather than a hipster, only to find a million monkeys have already noticed this beforehand and propagated the Internet to bursting point with such obvious insight, stealing my thunder.

Gits.

Just like Willam in Mallrats, I can no longer see the sailboat. What the fuck is wrong with me?




AxlReznor -> RE: Cinemaphobe... (21/9/2012 3:41:44 PM)

Sounds to me like there's nothing wrong with you. You've just had to reassess your priorities, and you made the right decision. Yes, your child should come first. I'm dreading the day that I become a father, because I'm a bit of a selfish git when it comes to doing what I want to do. [:D]

Luckily, I won't have to worry about movie date nights, because my wife's taste in movies to see at the cinema is shockingly similar to mine... no awful romantic comedy's for her. She'd rather people fight each other, and see things explode or sit through films where people endlessly talk about immature things using obscure vocabulary. [:)]




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