Stealth Remakes (Full Version)

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chris kilby -> Stealth Remakes (20/8/2012 7:47:55 PM)

AKA: Dances With Wolves In Sheeps' Clothing!

You know, films which aren't really re-makes but sort of are...

Forbidden Planet is The Tempest In Space!
Outland is High Noon In Space!
The Black Hole is 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea In Space!

Jaws is Ibsen's An Enemy of The People With a Shark!
Star Wars is The Hidden Fortress With Robots! In Space!

Battle Beyond The Stars is The Magnificent Seven In Space!
A Bug's Life is The Magnificent Seven With Bugs!
The Magnificent Seven is Seven Samurai With Cowboys!

Last Man Standing is A Fistful of Dollars With Gangsters!
A Fistful of Dollars is Yojimbo With Cowboys!
Yojimbo is Red Harvest With Samurai!
Miller's Crossing is Red Harvest With, er, Gangsters...?

Throne of Blood is Macbeth With Samurai!
Ran is King Lear With... Oh, Go On - Take a Wild Guess...!

Assault on Precinct 13 is Rio Bravo With Gang Bangers!
Rio Lobo is Rio Bravo Without Dean Martin !
El Dorado is Rio Bravo With Sonny Corleone!

Alien is It! The Terror From Beyond Space With A Better Script, Director, Actors and a Bigger Budget!
Aliens is Them! in Space!

The Duellists is Barry Lyndon!
GI Jane is Full Metal Jacket! (No, really...)
Gladiator is Spartacus (No, I'm Spartacus... etc!)
Prometheus is 2001, er, In Space! (It wishes!)

(Hmmm... Do you think Ridley has a thing about Stanley...?)

Terminator is A Couple of Harlan Ellison Episodes of The Outer Limits Which James Cameron Doesn't Like Talking About!
Titanic is A Night To Remember! IN COLOUR! With TITS! (Who said "Kate 'n' Leo..."?)
Avatar is Pocahoncats! Or: Dances With Smurfs. In Space!

Robocop is Judge Dredd in Reverse! (A machine who is a man...)
Judge Dredd is Dirty Harry In The Future! (Or he was...)
Dredd is Die Hard In The Future! (So is The Raid! Well, In Jakarta! How about that...?)

Batman Begins is Citizen Wayne!
The Dark Knight is Heat With Capes!
The Dark Knight Rises is A Tale of Two Cities With Gimp Masks! (aka: A Tale of Two Kitties!)

Diamonds Are Forever is Goldfinger With Diamonds!
The Spy Who Loved Me is You Only Live Twice With a Tanker!
Moonraker is OHMSS With Space Shuttles!
Octopussy is From Russia With Love In India!
A View To A Kill is Goldfinger & Chips!
Tomorrow Never Dies is You Only Live Twice With a Stealth Boat!
Die Another Day is Diamonds Are Forever With a Terrible Fucking Song!
Quantum of Solace is Licence To Kill With a Terrible Fucking Title! (Er... which I quite like, actually...)

(Pop Will Eat Itself? Bond Will Eat Himself!)

Reservoir Dogs is, er, let's not go there...




MonsterCat -> RE: Stealth Remakes (20/8/2012 8:17:50 PM)

Can I buy some drugs from you?




chris kilby -> RE: Stealth Remakes (20/8/2012 8:25:22 PM)

Whaddayaneed? Cake? Clarkey Cat? Joss Ackland's Spunky Backpack? Triple Bentines?

(I've got a shitload of a drug called "Charlie Sheen" if yer interested, like...)




UTB -> RE: Stealth Remakes (20/8/2012 9:09:31 PM)

I like Quantum of Solace as a title. It ticks the double-meaning as with most Bondian titles.




homersimpson_esq -> RE: Stealth Remakes (21/8/2012 12:57:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chris kilby
Batman Begins is Citizen Wayne!


No it isn't. Unless I missed that version of Citizen Kane where Kane tools up and dresses in body armour before fighting the man who taught him everything he knows.

Fuck's sake.




Rhubarb -> RE: Stealth Remakes (21/8/2012 1:42:04 AM)

Batman Begins is not supposed to be Citizen Ka...oh right.




chris kilby -> RE: Stealth Remakes (21/8/2012 1:56:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: homersimpson_esq

quote:

ORIGINAL: chris kilby
Batman Begins is Citizen Wayne!


No it isn't. Unless I missed that version of Citizen Kane where Kane tools up and dresses in body armour before fighting the man who taught him everything he knows.

Fuck's sake.



I was jokingly referring to the disjointed narrative structure and the fact he is an extremely wealthy chap whose riches don't bring him happiness because, hey, someone cruelly stole his childhood from him. One of many obvious film references in Batman Begins - Blade Runner, Se7en, Lawrence of Arabia, The Man Who Would Be King... Don't you read EMPIRE? (You'll be telling me there aren't any references to the Bond franchise throughout The Dark Knight Trilogy next.)

Light-hearted thread. A bit of fun. Not meant to be taken particularly seriously. Or literally.

"Fuck's sake," indeed.

(Um... look, I realise you're a mod and everything, but that little outburst was a bit uncalled for, wasn't it? Or are the mods round here in the habit of swearing at the ordinary punters like myself? Does that mean I can swear at you too? Not that I ever would, you understand. But I'd hate to think you were labouring under a... double standard. Now, correct me if I'm wrong/completely paranoid, but I'm kinda getting the feeling that you maybe have a wee problem with me. You do seem to be going out of your way to find fault at the moment. What gives...?)




adambatman82 -> RE: Stealth Remakes (21/8/2012 2:23:36 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: chris kilby

quote:

ORIGINAL: homersimpson_esq

quote:

ORIGINAL: chris kilby
Batman Begins is Citizen Wayne!


No it isn't. Unless I missed that version of Citizen Kane where Kane tools up and dresses in body armour before fighting the man who taught him everything he knows.

Fuck's sake.



I was jokingly referring to the disjointed narrative structure and the fact he is an extremely wealthy chap whose riches don't bring him happiness because, hey, someone cruelly stole his childhood from him. One of many obvious film references in Batman Begins - Blade Runner, Se7en, Lawrence of Arabia, The Man Who Would Be King... Don't you read EMPIRE? (You'll be telling me there aren't any references to the Bond franchise throughout The Dark Knight Trilogy next.)




While I generally hate everything else you write I actually really like this reading of BB/CK. Congratulations.




chris kilby -> RE: Stealth Remakes (21/8/2012 3:47:26 AM)

Uh... Thanks. I think.

(Hate!?! [sm=confused42.gif])




homersimpson_esq -> RE: Stealth Remakes (21/8/2012 6:38:16 AM)

Oh, beg pardon. Everything you do is a bit of light-hearted fun, and therefore transcends criticism.

My bad.




tommyjarvis -> RE: Stealth Remakes (21/8/2012 6:58:35 AM)

It never ceases to amaze me how grown men can take an internet forum so seriously.

Anyway, I'd add some examples but i think the OP has listed literally all of them already.




Whistler -> RE: Stealth Remakes (21/8/2012 7:55:13 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: tommyjarvis

It never ceases to amaze me how grown men can take an internet forum so seriously.

Anyway, I'd add some examples but i think the OP has listed literally all of them already.


I was going to mention that, but I was afraid I'd get into a fight with someone.




Super Hans -> RE: Stealth Remakes (21/8/2012 9:30:14 AM)

I think there's a whole load of action films which follow the 'Die Hard with.....' aren't there? Speed being likened to 'Die Hard on a bus' for example.




Rgirvan44 -> RE: Stealth Remakes (21/8/2012 10:06:09 AM)

History of Violence is a remake of Total Recall.





Rgirvan44 -> RE: Stealth Remakes (21/8/2012 10:08:52 AM)

Gladiator isn't a remake of Spartacus. It is a remake of the Fall of the Roman Empire.

Also Top Gun, Cocktail and Days of Thunder are all the same film.




Harry Tuttle -> RE: Stealth Remakes (21/8/2012 10:13:23 AM)

The Fast and the Furious is a remake of Point Break.




UTB -> RE: Stealth Remakes (21/8/2012 10:21:22 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rgirvan44

Gladiator isn't a remake of Spartacus. It is a remake of the Fall of the Roman Empire.

Also Top Gun, Cocktail and Days of Thunder are all the same film.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ehvMRSUvag [:D]




Harry Tuttle -> RE: Stealth Remakes (21/8/2012 10:22:35 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: UTB


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rgirvan44

Gladiator isn't a remake of Spartacus. It is a remake of the Fall of the Roman Empire.

Also Top Gun, Cocktail and Days of Thunder are all the same film.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ehvMRSUvag [:D]


Ha, that's exactly what I thought of when I read girv's post as well [:D].




Shifty Bench -> RE: Stealth Remakes (21/8/2012 10:31:41 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Super Hans

I think there's a whole load of action films which follow the 'Die Hard with.....' aren't there? Speed being likened to 'Die Hard on a bus' for example.


Yes and as the legend goes, one time a dude was pitching an idea for a film and he tried to sell it as 'it's Die Hard.......in a building........'




chris kilby -> RE: Stealth Remakes (21/8/2012 10:43:34 AM)

Let me guess - was it The Raid? Or Dredd, perhaps...?




chris kilby -> RE: Stealth Remakes (21/8/2012 10:44:31 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rgirvan44

Gladiator isn't a remake of Spartacus. It is a remake of the Fall of the Roman Empire.



That an' all.




Shifty Bench -> RE: Stealth Remakes (21/8/2012 10:47:53 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: chris kilby

Let me guess - was it The Raid? Or Dredd, perhaps...?


Heh. No, this was a few years before both of those.




chris kilby -> RE: Stealth Remakes (21/8/2012 11:00:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: homersimpson_esq

Oh, beg pardon. Everything you do is a bit of light-hearted fun, and therefore transcends criticism.

My bad.



That's OK. I accept your humble apology in the spirit it was intended...

Sorry, what? Ohhhhhh... I seeeeee! You were being sarcastic? How's that working out for you, BTW? The whole sarcastic, passive-aggressive, needlessly confrontational thing? Cos it strikes me that some folks round here are incredibly literal-minded and insist on taking absolutely everything at face value with very little time for wit, nuance or ambiguity. Must be a "humour pending" thing.

Is it a mod's job to criticise every damn thing, BTW? Not very moderate, is it? Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes?, as the saying goes. Or am I being... Juvenal?

So much as I would love to get sucked into yet another pointless, neverending and unwinnable online argument about... er... Anyway, if you'll excuse me, there's bound to be somewhere on this dedicated film website where I can actually talk about films sensibly with like minded individuals without this constant polis harassment




Rgirvan44 -> RE: Stealth Remakes (21/8/2012 11:01:40 AM)

Prometheus is a stealth remake of Star Trek 5




chris kilby -> RE: Stealth Remakes (21/8/2012 11:04:01 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Whistler


quote:

ORIGINAL: tommyjarvis

It never ceases to amaze me how grown men can take an internet forum so seriously.

Anyway, I'd add some examples but i think the OP has listed literally all of them already.


I was going to mention that, but I was afraid I'd get into a fight with someone.


It's funny cos it's true. Well, I say "funny." It's more soul-destroying actually. And a terrific source of existential angst and despair.




Rgirvan44 -> RE: Stealth Remakes (21/8/2012 11:05:17 AM)

Lake Mungo is a remake of Twin Peaks.




chris kilby -> RE: Stealth Remakes (21/8/2012 11:07:47 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rgirvan44

Prometheus is a stealth remake of Star Trek 5


No, but I've got the horrible feeling the sequel will be - "What does God want with a starship...?"

(Prometheus is more 2001 meets Chariots of The Gods? A book which I suspect was at least partly inspired by 2001 in the first place.)




Rgirvan44 -> RE: Stealth Remakes (21/8/2012 11:08:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chris kilby


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rgirvan44

Prometheus is a stealth remake of Star Trek 5


No, but I've got the horrible feeling the sequel will be - "What does God want with a starship...?"

(Prometheus is more 2001 meets Chariots of The Gods? A book which I suspect was at least partly inspired by 2001 in the first place.)



Actually it is more Planet of the Vampires meets At the Mountains of Madness but that is a discussion for another day.




chris kilby -> RE: Stealth Remakes (21/8/2012 11:10:54 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rgirvan44

quote:

ORIGINAL: chris kilby


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rgirvan44

Prometheus is a stealth remake of Star Trek 5


No, but I've got the horrible feeling the sequel will be - "What does God want with a starship...?"

(Prometheus is more 2001 meets Chariots of The Gods? A book which I suspect was at least partly inspired by 2001 in the first place.)



Actually it is more Planet of the Vampires meets At the Mountains of Madness but that is a discussion for another day.


That's a bingo!




grucl -> RE: Stealth Remakes (21/8/2012 12:26:33 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: chris kilby


Assault on Precinct 13 is Rio Bravo With Gang Bangers!



Ghosts of Mars is Assault on Precinct 13 on... Mars!

The Lion King is Hamlet with animated animals.

Star Wars is EVERY MYTH EVER ... in space.

Oh brother where art thou is The Odyssey down south.




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