Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (Full Version)

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Rgirvan44 -> Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (17/5/2012 8:14:10 PM)

Ten years yesterday, Attack of the Clones was released. Let us celebrate the best thing to have come out from it. Here is to another ten years of the review being constantly brought up, in what is now known as Hewitt's Law!

Attack of the Clones
Ten years after The Phantom Menace, the Galactic Republic is under threat from charismatic separatists, forcing Naboo Senator Padme Amidala to seek protection in the guise of Jedi Padawan Anakin Skywalker, while Obi-Wan Kenobi discovers a secret Clone Army…

In 1999, this very magazine awarded The Phantom Menace four stars. Going by that rationale, Attack of the Clones deserves, oh, twenty. Pity we can only give five. OK, Clones isn't the greatest film ever. It's not even the greatest Star Wars film ever, falling short of close relative The Empire Strikes Back. Yet it outstrips TPM completely, gives Return of the Jedi a run for its money and Steven Spielberg thinks it's better than A New Hope. Make no mistake, Star Wars is back.

For a man supposedly oblivious to TPM's critical pasting, Lucas' fifth instalment feels like it was made by a fanboy committee. There's more action, more humour and more humanity (McGregor's Obi-Wan is more confident and cynical; while Portman's Padme is less regal; more sexy). On the flip-side, there's no midi-chlorians and - hurrah! - barely any Jar Jar. Meanwhile, obviously suffused with confidence again, Lucas directs capably, showing off his visual skills (breathtakingly beautiful shots are legion), while letting the increasingly dark story develop unhindered.

TPM may have been just for kids, but thanks to its frequent decapitations and murky tone, Clones skews a lot older. It's not as simple as white hats, black hats anymore: the proto-Stormtrooper Clones are here - oh, the irony! - led into battle by Yoda; while - in a burst of mischievous genius - the loathed Jar Jar inadvertently sets in motion the Clone Wars. Lucas also bravely consigns his nominal baddies -
Jango Fett and Christopher Lee's imposing Count Dooku - to the background, allowing him to focus on Anakin's fall from grace. [Spoiler warning!] The Tusken Raider slaughter and Anakin's subsequent hate-fuelled confession is the most emotionally-charged Star Wars sequence since Empire's climax; thankfully the glowering, preening Christensen delivers a suitably tortured performance. Episode III awaits.

It's not all perfect: the central romance never escapes its plot device origins; the dialogue is still clunky, non-fans might get horribly lost, and the mid-section lacks a little pace. As for ILM's remarkable wall-to-wall CG (most of the walls are CG) such hyper-reality means AOTC occasionally resembles the most expensive Babylon 5 episode ever made.

Then again, the climactic battle, featuring Jedi's kicking-ass and - hey! - clones attacking, is a mind-boggling fusion of technology and entertainment that eclipses anything seen before in the fantasy genre. Hell, in any genre. And then, along comes Yoda's astonishing, crowd-pleasing battle with Count Dooku. A showdown that is - inarguably - the Star Wars saga's greatest single moment, and for that, all past indiscretions are forgiven. Welcome back, George.

Our lack of faith was disturbing, but Clones is the anti-Phantom Menace - funny, complex and enormous fun. See it, and start queuing again. This time for Episode III.




Olaf -> RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (17/5/2012 8:39:48 PM)

The lesson to be learned from reading this: some things deserve to be endlessly mocked for ten years. Yoda vs. Dooku as inarguably SW's greatest moment = jimmiesrustled.jpg




MonsterCat -> RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (17/5/2012 9:02:31 PM)

lol he gave a rubbish film 5/5 and he's still not hearing the end of it.




Spaldron -> RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (18/5/2012 1:07:38 AM)

quote:

And then, along comes Yoda's astonishing, crowd-pleasing battle with Count Dooku. A showdown that is - inarguably - the Star Wars saga's greatest single moment, and for that, all past indiscretions are forgiven.


[image]http://i413.photobucket.com/albums/pp214/stc_010/StarTrekTheNextGenerationDatalaughi.gif[/image]




jonson -> RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (18/5/2012 7:59:51 AM)

I'm not really a Star Wars fan, but 3 things are correct here.
It's better than The Phantom Menace
It's better than Return of the Jedi
And it was great fun.
It's certainly no 5 star film but I'd give it 4 for sheer entertainment. IMO.




Chris Hewitt -> RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (24/5/2012 4:51:46 PM)

Christ, whoever wrote that review should be fired/killed/stranded on Geonosis with nothing to aid him but a faulty lightsaber and some Bantha doodoo.




jackcarter -> RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (24/5/2012 6:20:23 PM)

Takens incredible ONE (*) star was a greater crime than AOTCs *****

whoever gave it that did not have a particular set of skills in awarding correct ratings!




Spaldron -> RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (25/5/2012 2:00:15 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Chris Hewitt

Christ


Blasphemer.




directorscut -> RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (25/5/2012 9:52:37 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rgirvan44

The Tusken Raider slaughter and Anakin's subsequent hate-fuelled confession is the most emotionally-charged Star Wars sequence since Empire's climax; thankfully the glowering, preening Christensen delivers a suitably tortured performance. Episode III awaits.




Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha Hohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohoho Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe.






Really?




Cool Breeze -> RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (26/5/2012 11:17:53 AM)

I really enjoyed AOTC.I dont think it deserves 5 stars, but id give it four easily.I saw it three times in the cinema.

As for a real 5 star review atrocity, Superman Returns is it.God that was a shit movie!




MonsterCat -> RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (26/5/2012 12:29:45 PM)

Superman Returns, for all its myriad flaws, is a sincere and good hearted film made by a genuinely talented director.

Attack of the Clones is a soulless, vapid, badly acted and written bucket of two month old cum directed by an artistically bankrupt businessman masquerading as a film-maker. George Lucas is quite possibly one the worst directors of all time, and A New Hope was a flash in the pan.

He's basically a marginally more talented Edward D Wood Jnr. for the modern age, and I'm glad he's seemingly given up directing. Now if only Michael Bay would follow his lead and retire with the millions he has made with his misogynist clap-trap, this world would be a much better place to live-in.

EDIT - Actually, the Wood comparison is rather disrespectful to Wood. Ed was a terrible director, but at least he had a passion for film-making and a genuine love of genre movies.




Cool Breeze -> RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (26/5/2012 3:04:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MonsterCat

Superman Returns, for all its myriad flaws, is a sincere and good hearted film made by a genuinely talented director.

Attack of the Clones is a soulless, vapid, badly acted and written bucket of two month old cum directed by an artistically bankrupt businessman masquerading as a film-maker. George Lucas is quite possibly one the worst directors of all time, and A New Hope was a flash in the pan.

He's basically a marginally more talented Edward D Wood Jnr. for the modern age, and I'm glad he's seemingly given up directing. Now if only Michael Bay would follow his lead and retire with the millions he has made with his misogynist clap-trap, this world would be a much better place to live-in.

EDIT - Actually, the Wood comparison is rather disrespectful to Wood. Ed was a terrible director, but at least he had a passion for film-making and a genuine love of genre movies.


While i agree that Bryan Singer is a genuinely talented director, his Superman film was a complete misfire.He may have had good intentions, but the film was just deathly dull,miscast,overlong, and plane rescue aside,lacking any decent action (An absolute crime for a superhero film).Enough has been writen about the ridiculous child subplot that i wont even get into how wrong that was.He couldnt decide whether he was making a sequel,a remake,a reboot or whatever.No wonder the film ended up being such a mess.

I also disagree about your comments about George Lucas.Hes responsible for providing some of the greatest films ever made and for pushing the boundaries of special effects forward more than any other filmaker in the last four decades.




MonsterCat -> RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (26/5/2012 3:24:12 PM)

He pushed the boundaries of special effects? Big deal. Doesn't mean a thing when he has the directorial skills of a lobotomised chimp.




directorscut -> RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (26/5/2012 3:40:39 PM)

quote:

nough has been writen about the ridiculous child subplot that i wont even get into how wrong that was.


A man and a woman having a child?

[image]http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_zK6VpXgDMc4/TDMH4oZyS3I/AAAAAAAACbQ/s7I0M0byzX8/s1600/Homer+Simpson+Oh+No.jpg[/image]




matty_b -> RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (26/5/2012 3:55:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MonsterCat

He pushed the boundaries of special effects? Big deal. Doesn't mean a thing when he has the directorial skills of a lobotomised chimp.


I would generally agree with this, but am at a loss to explain how he turned out American Graffiti.




superdan -> RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (26/5/2012 3:59:56 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: jonson

I'm not really a Star Wars fan, but 3 things are correct here.
It's better than The Phantom Menace
It's better than Return of the Jedi
And it was great fun.
It's certainly no 5 star film but I'd give it 4 for sheer entertainment. IMO.


Every single point here is wrong, on a level so great that I might have to go out and punch a swan.




MonsterCat -> RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (26/5/2012 4:03:45 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: matty_b

quote:

ORIGINAL: MonsterCat

He pushed the boundaries of special effects? Big deal. Doesn't mean a thing when he has the directorial skills of a lobotomised chimp.


I would generally agree with this, but am at a loss to explain how he turned out American Graffiti.


In the interests of fairness, it's not too bad but I'm not particularly fond of it either.




Cool Breeze -> RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (30/5/2012 10:53:46 PM)

So was there a 10th anniversary '' celebration '' of Empires FOUR(!) star review of Pearl Harbour last year?

Should we '' celebrate '' their THREE(!) star review of Batman and Robin for its 15th anniversary? ( Yes beleive it or not they gave it a positive review on its initial release).




MonsterCat -> RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (30/5/2012 10:55:49 PM)

Do you need some cream for being so butthurt over this?




Cool Breeze -> RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (30/5/2012 11:08:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MonsterCat

Do you need some cream from being so butthurt over this?


No.But thanks for the offer.[;)]

My point is that people need to get over the review.Chris obviously really enjoyed AOTC and if he gave it 5 stars then thats his opinion and hes welcome to it.Disagree with it all you want but give it a rest already, its been ten years!

I strongly disagree with Ian Nathans 5 star review of Superman Returns but im not going to hold it against him.He loved the film.I hated it.End of story.




MonsterCat -> RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (30/5/2012 11:11:37 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Cool Breeze

I strongly disagree with Ian Nathans 5 star review of Superman Returns but im not going to hold it against him.He loved the film.I hated it.End of story.


You should tell us about this at some point.




Cool Breeze -> RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (30/5/2012 11:13:17 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MonsterCat


quote:

ORIGINAL: Cool Breeze

I strongly disagree with Ian Nathans 5 star review of Superman Returns but im not going to hold it against him.He loved the film.I hated it.End of story.


You should tell us about this at some point.


You should tell us your opinion of the Star Wars prequels and George Lucas at some point.




MonsterCat -> RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (30/5/2012 11:15:51 PM)

Ba-zing!




Spaldron -> RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (30/5/2012 11:54:53 PM)

[image]http://www.oels.dk/smileys/clap.gif[/image]




matty_b -> RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (31/5/2012 8:12:38 AM)

THE IRONY IS DELICIOUS.




Rgirvan44 -> RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (31/5/2012 10:17:09 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Cool Breeze


quote:

ORIGINAL: MonsterCat

Do you need some cream from being so butthurt over this?


No.But thanks for the offer.[;)]

My point is that people need to get over the review.Chris obviously really enjoyed AOTC and if he gave it 5 stars then thats his opinion and hes welcome to it.Disagree with it all you want but give it a rest already, its been ten years!

I strongly disagree with Ian Nathans 5 star review of Superman Returns but im not going to hold it against him.He loved the film.I hated it.End of story.


I think everyone in this thread is over it. But the fun comes from other posters who clearly aren't - look at the Prometheus review thread for evidence.




MonsterCat -> RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (31/5/2012 11:13:51 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: matty_b

THE IRONY IS DELICIOUS.


I think I've only ever talked about the prequels and George Lucas inside of this thread.

Scott Pilgrim is the film I'm always complaining about. [:D]




superdan -> RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (31/5/2012 12:33:21 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Cool Breeze

So was there a 10th anniversary '' celebration '' of Empires FOUR(!) star review of Pearl Harbour last year?

Should we '' celebrate '' their THREE(!) star review of Batman and Robin for its 15th anniversary? ( Yes beleive it or not they gave it a positive review on its initial release).


I don't think there are many people trying to stick up for those turds though.




jonson -> RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (31/5/2012 3:41:51 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: superdan


quote:

ORIGINAL: jonson

I'm not really a Star Wars fan, but 3 things are correct here.
It's better than The Phantom Menace
It's better than Return of the Jedi
And it was great fun.
It's certainly no 5 star film but I'd give it 4 for sheer entertainment. IMO.


Every single point here is wrong, on a level so great that I might have to go out and punch a swan.



So, swan-puncher [:D] you thought The Phantom Menace was better? You didn't think AOTC was great fun?
I won't comment on the ROTJ, some people like it, I think it's fucking rubbish and would much rather sit through any of the new versions.




directorscut -> RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review (31/5/2012 4:01:48 PM)

Don't mind jonson, his mind was blown away during the industrial revolution. It's quite amazing that he knows the titles of certain Star Wars movies.




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