Are You The Perfect Man? (Full Version)

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Timon -> Are You The Perfect Man? (10/5/2012 12:17:27 PM)

Oh. Dear.

The Daily Mail (and Austin Reed) have "done research" and this is the checklist for the perfect man. Goes without saying that he must be white... so, I'm out!

So how to I match up.

6ft tall - Ooh 1 inch short.
Muscly, toned and athletic - Sort of.
Brown eyes - Check
Short, dark hair - Check
Smart dress sense - Depends on the occasion
Stylish - Nope
A beer or lager drinker - Check
A non-smoker - Check
Wears smart jeans, shirt and a V-neck jumper - Erm... not sure about the jumper. And the jeans aren't that smart.
Gets ready in 17 minutes - Make it 5 minutes
Earns around 48,000 a year - Ahhahahahahaha. No.
Wants a family - Check
Loves shopping - Only online
Eats meat - Check
Watches soaps - No
Clean-shaven - No
Smooth-chested - No
Enjoys watching football - No
Drives an Audi - No
Educated to degree level - Check
Earns more than you - No
Jokes around and has a laugh - Check
Sensitive when you are upset - No
Tells you he loves you only when he means it - Check
Admits it when he looks at other women - Check
Holds a driving licence - Check
Can swim - Check
Can ride a bike - Check
Can change a tyre - Check
Rings his mother regularly - Nope.


Well, if the ideal man waxes his chest and watches soaps, I'm glad I'm out.




elab49 -> RE: Are You The Perfect Man? (10/5/2012 12:21:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Timon

Oh. Dear.

The Daily Mail (and Austin Reed) have "done research" and this is the checklist for the perfect man. Goes without saying that he must be white... so, I'm out!

Earns more than you - No


And there we go. All the nice little ladies wanting their big strong man [:'(]

Exactly what century are the morals the Daily Mail pretends to pander to stuck in anyway? I was going to say decade and didn't bother. Austin Reed might get a slap over this - you can imagine a normal person looking at that list and deciding Austin Reed as a shop can't really suit them.

Obviously not clicking the link since the non-story advert is just designed to get website traffic.




Timon -> RE: Are You The Perfect Man? (10/5/2012 12:34:11 PM)

Oh stop moaning woman! You don't have to shave your entire body for women to like you... apparently. [:D]




Hood_Man -> RE: Are You The Perfect Man? (10/5/2012 12:40:58 PM)

6ft tall - Boom, right there on the door
Muscly, toned and athletic - No
Brown eyes - No
Short, dark hair - No
Smart dress sense - I look terrific in a suit, but nothing else
Stylish - No
A beer or lager drinker - Rarely
A non-smoker - Yes
Wears smart jeans, shirt and a V-neck jumper - Yes
Gets ready in 17 minutes - 2
Earns around 48,000 a year - No...
Wants a family - No
Loves shopping - No
Eats meat - Yes
Watches soaps - Yes
Clean-shaven - No
Smooth-chested - No
Enjoys watching football - No
Drives an Audi - No
Educated to degree level - Yes
Earns more than you - No
Jokes around and has a laugh - Yes
Sensitive when you are upset - Yes
Tells you he loves you only when he means it - ?
Admits it when he looks at other women - ...
Holds a driving licence - Yes
Can swim - Yes
Can ride a bike - No
Can change a tyre - No
Rings his mother regularly - No


12ish / 30




Hood_Man -> RE: Are You The Perfect Man? (10/5/2012 12:42:02 PM)

Dammit I clicked the link!

Why does he get his back waxed twice a month? Surely it doesn't grow back that quick? [&:]




paul_ie86 -> RE: Are You The Perfect Man? (10/5/2012 12:48:29 PM)

I don't need to fill out the questionnaire, I already know that I am.




Beno -> RE: Are You The Perfect Man? (10/5/2012 12:50:19 PM)

I refuse to click the link and feel knackered just thinking about how much hard work would be involved in trying to be half of those 'things'.
Once again The Daily Fail is second only to Viz in the comedy orientated journalistic stakes.


[&:]




Harry Tuttle -> RE: Are You The Perfect Man? (10/5/2012 12:50:22 PM)

You've got to hand it to the Daily Heil, they really are first class trollers.




Rebel scum -> RE: Are You The Perfect Man? (10/5/2012 12:50:28 PM)

Ah, go on then:

6ft tall - Nope
Muscly, toned and athletic - Hahaha, no
Brown eyes - Yup
Short, dark hair - Yup
Smart dress sense - If it's a fancy do, sure, but I like my t-shirts
Stylish - Hell no
A beer or lager drinker - Yup
A non-smoker - Yup
Wears smart jeans, shirt and a V-neck jumper - No, I'm not a librarian
Gets ready in 17 minutes - I can get ready in 2-3 if I'm late for something. Also, 17 is oddly specific, is 18 minutes a deal-breaker? Also also, it's rich as hell for women to demand men get ready for stuff quickly.
Earns around 48,000 a year - You lost me at earns
Wants a family - Sure, why not
Loves shopping - Only if it's stuff for me
Eats meat - Yup
Watches soaps - No, and if I'm forced to watch them I feel I should return the favour by subjecting her to all the crap I watch
Clean-shaven - Depends on my mood
Smooth-chested - No
Enjoys watching football - I'll watch it if it's on, but eh
Drives an Audi - Drives?
Educated to degree level - Gimme a few months on that
Earns more than you - No
Jokes around and has a laugh - Yep
Sensitive when you are upset - Yep
Tells you he loves you only when he means it - Yep
Admits it when he looks at other women - Yep
Holds a driving licence - No.
Can swim - Yep, this is clearly a necessary skill in relationships
Can ride a bike - Sure, a bit
Can change a tyre - No
Rings his mother regularly - *Skypes*

So yeah, I'm nowhere near the "perfect man" but then again, neither is anyone on the planet and this whole thing was a waste of time. Which is why I've spent five minutes writing out this response.




paul_ie86 -> RE: Are You The Perfect Man? (10/5/2012 12:54:07 PM)

Rebel, to tell you the truth, I thought you were a woman.




superdan -> RE: Are You The Perfect Man? (10/5/2012 12:59:24 PM)


6ft tall - Yep
Muscly, toned and athletic - Not quite, getting there
Brown eyes - Nope
Short, dark hair - Nope
Smart dress sense - When the occasion demands it
Stylish - Don't really know what this means
A beer or lager drinker - Yep
A non-smoker - Yep
Wears smart jeans, shirt and a V-neck jumper - It's my go-to outfit to reel in the blart
Gets ready in 17 minutes - Only if it includes the shower, otherwise much less
Earns around 48,000 a year - Fuck off
Wants a family - Meh
Loves shopping - Only for myself
Eats meat - Yep
Watches soaps - As if a man does this
Clean-shaven - Nope
Smooth-chested - Nope, though I keep it trim
Enjoys watching football - Yep
Drives an Audi - Fuck off
Educated to degree level - Yep
Earns more than you - N/A
Jokes around and has a laugh - It's been known to happen
Sensitive when you are upset - Depends what the cause is. If it's only Tracy at work the fucking bitch trying to 'destroy' you, I'm only going to nod politely and agree with everything you say.
Tells you he loves you only when he means it - Definitely
Admits it when he looks at other women - Why hide it?
Holds a driving licence - Yep
Can swim - Not really
Can ride a bike - Yep
Can change a tyre - Yep
Rings his mother regularly - Not sure what regularly is, it's about once every 10 days or so




Rebel scum -> RE: Are You The Perfect Man? (10/5/2012 12:59:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: paul_ie86

Rebel, to tell you the truth, I thought you were a woman.


[:D]




Beno -> RE: Are You The Perfect Man? (10/5/2012 1:04:31 PM)

Quite a few of those things seem to be describing Ched Evans[&:]


Thats honestly what springs to mind.



[:@]




Chief -> RE: Are You The Perfect Man? (10/5/2012 1:09:46 PM)

For the sheer fuck of it:

6ft tall - 5' 10", so no.
Muscly, toned and athletic - Trying to be
Brown eyes - Blue
Short, dark hair - Yes
Smart dress sense - Depends on the occasion
Stylish - Nope
A beer or lager drinker - Yes
A non-smoker - Yes
Wears smart jeans, shirt and a V-neck jumper - No, I don't posses a V-neck jumper
Gets ready in 17 minutes - Suppose, but that would be from lying cabbaged on the couch to showered and ready to go.
Earns around 48,000 a year - It would take a few hefty pay rises.
Wants a family - Yes, which is handy as I've got one
Loves shopping - Grocery - meh. Gifts for myself and others when I'm flush then absolutely.
Eats meat - Oh yes
Watches soaps - No
Clean-shaven - Maybe 2 days a week.
Smooth-chested - No
Enjoys watching football - Yes
Drives an Audi - No
Educated to degree level - No
Earns more than you - Yes
Jokes around and has a laugh - Yes
Sensitive when you are upset - I like to think of myself as my other half's emotional punchbag.
Tells you he loves you only when he means it - means it/wants something
Admits it when he looks at other women - Not really, mirrored shades on the beach and a towel over the semi
Holds a driving licence - Yes
Can swim - Yes
Can ride a bike - Yes
Can change a tyre - Yes
Rings his mother regularly - Email and visit more than phone

What a pile of shit.




matty_b -> RE: Are You The Perfect Man? (10/5/2012 1:16:04 PM)


6ft tall - Just under
Muscly, toned and athletic - Nope
Brown eyes - Green
Short, dark hair - Yep
Smart dress sense - When the occasion demands it
Stylish - I have no idea, which means probably not.
A beer or lager drinker - Yep
A non-smoker - Yep
Wears smart jeans, shirt and a V-neck jumper - When? All the time? Occasionally, I suppose. Not so much the jumper, though.
Gets ready in 17 minutes - Including jumping in the shower, brushing teeth, clothes on etc? Yeah, can do.
Earns around 48,000 a year - If only.
Wants a family - Well, have one, but wouldn't object to more.
Loves shopping - Only for myself and if it's online or second hand bookshops
Eats meat - Yep
Watches soaps - Not by choice
Clean-shaven - Nope
Smooth-chested - Nope, though it's not particularly hairy
Enjoys watching football - Yeah, but not obsessively
Drives an Audi - Nope
Educated to degree level - Yep
Earns more than you - than who? This doesn't make sense.
Jokes around and has a laugh - On my better days
Sensitive when you are upset - Probaby not too good at this to be honest. If it's something genuinely bad, then yeah, but if not...man up.
Tells you he loves you only when he means it - Yeah
Admits it when he looks at other women - Yeah. I don't mind when they admit looking at other men, either.
Holds a driving licence - No
Can swim - A little bit
Can ride a bike - No
Can change a tyre - No
Rings his mother regularly - No, it's a depressing experience.

13.





boaby -> RE: Are You The Perfect Man? (10/5/2012 1:23:36 PM)


6ft tall - with some inches to spare.
Muscly, toned and athletic - not these days.
Brown eyes - Check
Short, dark hair - short, nit; dark, aye
Smart dress sense - Depends on definition of smart
Stylish - depends on definition of stylish
A beer or lager drinker - if I must
A non-smoker - Check
Wears smart jeans, shirt and a V-neck jumper - Nit.
Gets ready in 17 minutes - always ready
Earns around 48,000 a year - Ahhahahahahaha. No.
Wants a family - 'kinell. Fit ye askin' me that for?
Loves shopping - Nit
Eats meat - Check
Watches soaps - Nit
Clean-shaven - Nit
Smooth-chested - Nit
Enjoys watching football - Check
Drives an Audi - I'm not a tool, so no.
Educated to degree level - Check
Earns more than you - highly unlikely
Jokes around and has a laugh - Check
Sensitive when you are upset - Nit
Tells you he loves you only when he means it - Check
Admits it when he looks at other women - Check
Holds a driving licence - Check
Can swim - Check
Can ride a bike - Check
Can change a tyre - Check
Rings his mother regularly - Nit.

Seems more like what the sorts that read the Daily Mail want in a man. Drives an Audi? Christ min.




superdan -> RE: Are You The Perfect Man? (10/5/2012 1:26:18 PM)

Where's the list for the perfect woman?




shool -> RE: Are You The Perfect Man? (10/5/2012 1:29:02 PM)

didn't click the link, but here we go.

6ft tall - Nope
Muscly, toned and athletic - No
Brown eyes - No
Short, dark hair - Sort of but not really dark
Smart dress sense - Yes
Stylish - Urm occasionally
A beer or lager drinker - No
A non-smoker - Yup
Wears smart jeans, shirt and a V-neck jumper - Yes
Gets ready in 17 minutes - I can get ready in less than 17 minutes
Earns around 48,000 a year - Yup
Wants a family - Already got one
Loves shopping - No
Eats meat - Yup
Watches soaps - Hell No
Clean-shaven - Usually
Smooth-chested - Yes
Enjoys watching football - Yes
Drives an Audi - No
Educated to degree level - No
Earns more than you - Yes
Jokes around and has a laugh - Yep
Sensitive when you are upset - Yep
Tells you he loves you only when he means it - Yep
Admits it when he looks at other women - No
Holds a driving licence - Yes
Can swim - Yes
Can ride a bike - Yes
Can change a tyre - Yes, but wouldnt.
Rings his mother regularly - She only lives round the corner so N/A


18




Deviation -> RE: Are You The Perfect Man? (10/5/2012 1:31:44 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: superdan

Where's the list for the perfect woman?


Has an incredible rack and will do anal is all I ask.




Rebel scum -> RE: Are You The Perfect Man? (10/5/2012 1:33:01 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: superdan

Where's the list for the perfect woman?


Do you have
-A vagina
-A pulse
And are you
-Human
-Up for it

If yes, then congratulations.




Chief -> RE: Are You The Perfect Man? (10/5/2012 1:36:44 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation


quote:

ORIGINAL: superdan

Where's the list for the perfect woman?


Has an incredible rack and will do anal is all I ask.


I think you've just described Harry Tuttle.




Chief -> RE: Are You The Perfect Man? (10/5/2012 1:37:28 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rebel scum


quote:

ORIGINAL: superdan

Where's the list for the perfect woman?


Do you have
-A vagina
-A pulse
And are you
-Human
-Up for it

If yes, then congratulations.


And even if they can only answer yes to 3 of those I'd still be up for it.




hubu_phonk -> RE: Are You The Perfect Man? (10/5/2012 1:37:45 PM)

So after the results are in, when does the cull start? cos i'm truly fucked




Harry Tuttle -> RE: Are You The Perfect Man? (10/5/2012 1:39:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chief


quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation


quote:

ORIGINAL: superdan

Where's the list for the perfect woman?


Has an incredible rack and will do anal is all I ask.


I think you've just described Harry Tuttle.


Heh [:D].

It's what attracted you to me in the first place gimp boy.




superdan -> RE: Are You The Perfect Man? (10/5/2012 1:39:46 PM)

Call me picky, but I would expect a bit more from the perfect woman. Perhaps a similar hatred of soaps, gossip rags, Loose Women etc, coupled with a fondness at least for sport, going to the pub, cold weather, not leaving a list of chores for my day off etc.


Also, what Dev said. We are talking perfection here after all.




Deviation -> RE: Are You The Perfect Man? (10/5/2012 1:40:01 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Chief


quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation


quote:

ORIGINAL: superdan

Where's the list for the perfect woman?


Has an incredible rack and will do anal is all I ask.


I think you've just described Harry Tuttle.


I actually described his mum.




Harry Tuttle -> RE: Are You The Perfect Man? (10/5/2012 1:41:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation


quote:

ORIGINAL: Chief


quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation


quote:

ORIGINAL: superdan

Where's the list for the perfect woman?


Has an incredible rack and will do anal is all I ask.


I think you've just described Harry Tuttle.


I actually described his mum.


Yeah, like my mum would give you the time of day.




rawlinson -> RE: Are You The Perfect Man? (10/5/2012 1:57:52 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rebel scum


quote:

ORIGINAL: superdan

Where's the list for the perfect woman?


Do you have
-A vagina
-A pulse



Slightly creepy that vagina was more important than pulse. [:D]




Chief -> RE: Are You The Perfect Man? (10/5/2012 2:01:37 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: rawlinson


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rebel scum


quote:

ORIGINAL: superdan

Where's the list for the perfect woman?


Do you have
-A vagina
-A pulse



Slightly creepy that vagina was more important than pulse. [:D]



And even further down the list, as if for bonus points:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rebel scum

And are you
-Human





paulyboy -> RE: Are You The Perfect Man? (10/5/2012 2:23:25 PM)

6ft tall - 6'2.
Muscly, toned and athletic - Athletic perhaps but muscly and toned is pushing it!
Brown eyes - Check.
Short, dark hair - Check.
Smart dress sense - Sometimes check.
Stylish - Not really.
A beer or lager drinker - Check'ish.
A non-smoker - Check.
Wears smart jeans, shirt and a V-neck jumper - I've worn a similar combination from time to time.
Gets ready in 17 minutes - Easy pasy!
Earns around 48,000 a year - Nope, not quite.
Wants a family - Check.
Loves shopping - Unless it's for a cool gadget of some description, nope!
Eats meat - Check.
Watches soaps - No.
Clean-shaven - Check.
Smooth-chested - Check.
Enjoys watching football - Fuck no!
Drives an Audi - Honda, so nope!
Educated to degree level - Sadly no.
Earns more than you - Nope.
Jokes around and has a laugh - Check.
Sensitive when you are upset - Check.
Tells you he loves you only when he means it - Check.
Admits it when he looks at other women - Check.
Holds a driving licence - Check.
Can swim - Check.
Can ride a bike - Check.
Can change a tyre - Check.
Rings his mother regularly - Check'ish.

20'ish/30, come get some ladies!




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