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10 Step Guide To Surviving First Contact With Alien Races
How to make it through those tricky first encounters with an extraterrestrial race

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10 Step Guide To Surviving First Contact With Alien Races | 8. Take a really close look at those alien plans you’ve been sent
8. Take a really close look at those alien plans you’ve been sent

For example: Contact, Species

Sometimes, the aliens don’t come to visit in person. They may send instructions for getting in touch instead – like when you try to tutor your parents on using Skype. Now this can go relatively well, or completely disastrously.

If the aliens send instructions to build some expensive big spaceship machine, and Jodie Foster throws her oar in the ring, all will be fine and the worst that will happen is that the aliens provoke some unnecessary kerfuffle by neglecting to provide any evidence that the damn thing worked, for obscure alieny reasons of their own involving the intersection between faith and science and humanity’s continued growth.

However, if they send instructions to Ben Kingsley to tinker with a few genes and build a stunning blonde who looks like Natasha Henstridge, things are not going to turn out nearly so well.

In other words, pretend the extra-terrestrial instructions are from Ikea, and give them to someone with a good understanding of what’s involved before actually beginning construction. Because in cases like these, the equivalent of a wobbly bookcase and a suspicious number of leftover nails is a series of corpses and aliens breeding in the sewers, and no one wants that.
 

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Your Comments

1 Why no FIRST CONTACT?
Thought the absence of STAR TREK: FIRST CONTACT was a bit odd given the theme. Clearly as we learn from its final sequences - you welcome the aliens, offer them refreshments and introduce them to rock music - us and them then live long and prosper! More

Posted by FirstContact on Saturday April 14, 2012, 10:00

2 RE: quick correction
L: CapCanuck a quick correction: there are no aliens of any sort in the film Outland. Otherwise, an amusing article :) amn, that was meant to be Outlander in both instances. It should now be corrected. More

Posted by Helen OHara on Friday April 13, 2012, 15:25

3 Or.....
They're here to kick start our evolution & only make us aware of this by a cult set up by a bad sci-fi writer & promoted by chief of propaganda Thomas Cruise Mapother IV. We can then use our latent alien knowledge to defeat 17ft turds when they invade! Travolta told us!!! & were you meaning OutlandER rather than Outland? More

Posted by Bleaz79 on Thursday April 12, 2012, 21:07

4 quick correction
a quick correction: there are no aliens of any sort in the film Outland. Otherwise, an amusing article :) More

Posted by CapCanuck on Thursday April 12, 2012, 13:09

5 11. Stay Away
For example: Alien, District 9, Promethius, Alien vs Predator, E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial As your mother would say 'Don't touch what is not yours', or you might just have something jumping out of your chest or turn into a prawn. If science fiction films haven't told us something, it's that if you leave aliens alone they might leave you alone. Just don't trust any of them. Even that E.T. fella looks dangerious, would you let an alien take your son on a flying bike ride, even if he was the nicest alien you had ever met? What if Elliott had fallen off his bike in mid flight!?! STAY AWAY! More

Posted by jwhite83 on Wednesday April 11, 2012, 16:27

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