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10 Step Guide To Surviving First Contact With Alien Races
How to make it through those tricky first encounters with an extraterrestrial race

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10 Step Guide To Surviving First Contact With Alien Races | 3. …But be wary!
3. …But be wary!

For example: Independence Day, Mars Attacks!, Battle: Los Angeles, Predator, Attack The Block

That said, some alien races are thorough bad’uns who are here just to kill us all and take our precious bodily fluids, and those mo-fos should be shot on sight. He who hesitates in this case is lost and probably splattered across a large area. So if you’re certain sure that these visitors are violent, and certain sure you’re not a warmongering, paranoid nutcase yourself, then lay the smackdown already.

But how to tell the difference? Look out for these warning signs: spaceships 14km across, hovering over every major city on Earth. Tendency to say “Ack” a lot. Firing of death rays. Eating people with their glow-in-the-dark teeth.

Hints like these are like red and yellow stripes on a snake: nature’s way of telling us that these things are out to get us. Staying alert to these subtle warning signs will help you avert a global extinction-level event.
 

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Your Comments

1 Why no FIRST CONTACT?
Thought the absence of STAR TREK: FIRST CONTACT was a bit odd given the theme. Clearly as we learn from its final sequences - you welcome the aliens, offer them refreshments and introduce them to rock music - us and them then live long and prosper! More

Posted by FirstContact on Saturday April 14, 2012, 10:00

2 RE: quick correction
L: CapCanuck a quick correction: there are no aliens of any sort in the film Outland. Otherwise, an amusing article :) amn, that was meant to be Outlander in both instances. It should now be corrected. More

Posted by Helen OHara on Friday April 13, 2012, 15:25

3 Or.....
They're here to kick start our evolution & only make us aware of this by a cult set up by a bad sci-fi writer & promoted by chief of propaganda Thomas Cruise Mapother IV. We can then use our latent alien knowledge to defeat 17ft turds when they invade! Travolta told us!!! & were you meaning OutlandER rather than Outland? More

Posted by Bleaz79 on Thursday April 12, 2012, 21:07

4 quick correction
a quick correction: there are no aliens of any sort in the film Outland. Otherwise, an amusing article :) More

Posted by CapCanuck on Thursday April 12, 2012, 13:09

5 11. Stay Away
For example: Alien, District 9, Promethius, Alien vs Predator, E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial As your mother would say 'Don't touch what is not yours', or you might just have something jumping out of your chest or turn into a prawn. If science fiction films haven't told us something, it's that if you leave aliens alone they might leave you alone. Just don't trust any of them. Even that E.T. fella looks dangerious, would you let an alien take your son on a flying bike ride, even if he was the nicest alien you had ever met? What if Elliott had fallen off his bike in mid flight!?! STAY AWAY! More

Posted by jwhite83 on Wednesday April 11, 2012, 16:27

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