Register  |   Log In  |  
Sign up to our weekly newsletter    
Search   
Empire Magazine and iPad
Follow Me on Pinterest YouTube Tumblr
Empire
Trending On Empire
The 301 Greatest Movies Of All Time!
Empire's Guardians Of The Galaxy Cover
Does Star Wars Have A Brain Trust?
Nick Frost:
My Movie Life

The World's End star's pick of the flicks
Subscribe: 6 Issues For £15!
Subscribe today and save 37% off the cover price!
Feature
10 Step Guide To Surviving First Contact With Alien Races
How to make it through those tricky first encounters with an extraterrestrial race

submit to reddit

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Back 3 of 10 Next
10 Step Guide To Surviving First Contact With Alien Races | 3. …But be wary!
3. …But be wary!

For example: Independence Day, Mars Attacks!, Battle: Los Angeles, Predator, Attack The Block

That said, some alien races are thorough bad’uns who are here just to kill us all and take our precious bodily fluids, and those mo-fos should be shot on sight. He who hesitates in this case is lost and probably splattered across a large area. So if you’re certain sure that these visitors are violent, and certain sure you’re not a warmongering, paranoid nutcase yourself, then lay the smackdown already.

But how to tell the difference? Look out for these warning signs: spaceships 14km across, hovering over every major city on Earth. Tendency to say “Ack” a lot. Firing of death rays. Eating people with their glow-in-the-dark teeth.

Hints like these are like red and yellow stripes on a snake: nature’s way of telling us that these things are out to get us. Staying alert to these subtle warning signs will help you avert a global extinction-level event.
 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Back
3 of 10
Next

Have Your Say
Register or login now to let us know what you think.

Your Comments

1 Why no FIRST CONTACT?
Thought the absence of STAR TREK: FIRST CONTACT was a bit odd given the theme. Clearly as we learn from its final sequences - you welcome the aliens, offer them refreshments and introduce them to rock music - us and them then live long and prosper! More

Posted by FirstContact on Saturday April 14, 2012, 10:00

2 RE: quick correction
L: CapCanuck a quick correction: there are no aliens of any sort in the film Outland. Otherwise, an amusing article :) amn, that was meant to be Outlander in both instances. It should now be corrected. More

Posted by Helen OHara on Friday April 13, 2012, 15:25

3 Or.....
They're here to kick start our evolution & only make us aware of this by a cult set up by a bad sci-fi writer & promoted by chief of propaganda Thomas Cruise Mapother IV. We can then use our latent alien knowledge to defeat 17ft turds when they invade! Travolta told us!!! & were you meaning OutlandER rather than Outland? More

Posted by Bleaz79 on Thursday April 12, 2012, 21:07

4 quick correction
a quick correction: there are no aliens of any sort in the film Outland. Otherwise, an amusing article :) More

Posted by CapCanuck on Thursday April 12, 2012, 13:09

5 11. Stay Away
For example: Alien, District 9, Promethius, Alien vs Predator, E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial As your mother would say 'Don't touch what is not yours', or you might just have something jumping out of your chest or turn into a prawn. If science fiction films haven't told us something, it's that if you leave aliens alone they might leave you alone. Just don't trust any of them. Even that E.T. fella looks dangerious, would you let an alien take your son on a flying bike ride, even if he was the nicest alien you had ever met? What if Elliott had fallen off his bike in mid flight!?! STAY AWAY! More

Posted by jwhite83 on Wednesday April 11, 2012, 16:27

SPECIAL FEATURE
The 301 Greatest Movies Of All Time EMPIRE READERS' POLL: THE 301 GREATEST MOVIES OF ALL TIME
You turned out in your hundreds and thousands, and here are the results... Browse the full list


CURRENT HIGHLIGHTS
Frank Grillo's Ten Toughest Hollywood Tough Guys
The Purge: Anarchy star picks his favourite badasses

Role By Role With Joel McHale
The star of The Soup and Community on Spider-Man 2 and much more

'I Have The Club But I Didn't Get The Lion's Head'
Dwayne Johnson (and pals) talks Hercules props, action and ancient superheroes

Classic Feature: The Making Of The Silence Of The Lambs
Is this the most frightening movie ever made?

Classic Feature: Jack Nicholson - Gods Among Us
Charisma, consistency and cunning summed up in a single word: Jack.

Peter Fonda On Peter Fonda
The Hollywood legend relives his career highlights

Kevin Feige Talks Ant-Man, Guardians Of The Galaxy And Doctor Strange
The Marvel boss updates us on the state of his cinematic universe

Subscribe to Empire magazine
Get The 301 Greatest Movies Of All Time Subscribers' Cover

Subscribe today and get the cover and 3 issues for only £10!

Subscribe today

Subscribe to Empire iPad edition
Get The Empire iPad Edition Today

Subscribe and save maney on annual digital subscription

Subscribe today
Buy single issues

Get 6 issues of Empire for just £15!
Get the world's greatest movie magazine delivered straight to your door! Subscribe today!
Empire's Film Studies 101 Series
Everything you ever wanted to know about filmmaking but were afraid to ask...
The Empire iPad Edition
With exclusive extras, interactive features, trailers and much more! Download now
Home  |  News  |  Blogs  |  Reviews  |  Future Films  |  Features  |  Interviews  |  Images  |  Competitions  |  Forum  |  iPad  |  Podcast  |  Magazine Contact Us  |  Empire FAQ  |  Subscribe To Empire  |  Register
© Bauer Consumer Media Ltd  |  Legal Info  |  Privacy Policy  |  Bauer Entertainment Network
Bauer Consumer Media Ltd (company number 01176085 and registered address 1 Lincoln Court, Lincoln Road, Peterborough, England PE1 2RF)