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Feature
Star Wars Characters Who DON’T Deserve Their Own Spin-Off
On no account make these Star Wars movies!

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Elan Sel’Sabagno

Star Wars Episode II: The Attack of the Clones

Annoying loser, slythmonger (drug dealer) and all-round bad advert for students, Elan Sel’Sabagno is another character from the Star Wars universe who deserves no further study. His brief appearance in Attack Of The Clones, in which he foolishly attempts to flog deathsticks to Obi-Wan Kenobi before falling foul of a Jedi mind trick, is enough to put anyone off watching him for longer, but his other exploits are equally unworthy of investigation.

A medical student who took to pilfering supplies and selling them to gangsters, Sel’Sabagno was one of those addicts who mistakenly got high on his own supply, a movie cliché if ever there were one. His encounter with Kenobi forced him to go home and rethink his life, but it wasn’t long before he was back to his old ways. After a brief, unexciting period acting as Boba Fett’s chauffeur on Coruscant, Sel’Sabagno became a born-again anti-drugs crusader (see The Clone Wars series), handing out pamphlets warning of the dangers of deathstick addiction. How’s that for a thrilling adventure? From drug-addled student to reformed evangelist waving leaflets in everyone’s faces outside Dex’s Diner. Hollywood: Just say no.

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Have Your Say
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Your Comments

1 THEY ALL DESERVE TO BE MADE INTO SHORTS!
I think the utter demise of said characters in short films - making one good Star Wars promo for Disney's HANDS OFF approach would restore faith in the franchise. As long as incredibly gifted writers, who could direct such comedy material in the way that Marvel Studios restored the whole idea of short films as a promo could be incredibly enjoyable to watch. I personally would like to see the utter demise of all of these characters, in Star Wars historically accurate time lines. Who would not want to see Darth Vader step on the tiny robot who is about to deliver the most important message ever to the Federation, leading Darth Vader into more heavy labored breathing anger (leading to more deaths of other side characters); mutant killer baby Ewok caused by the Federation Industrial Complex - wiping out the cannibalistic Ewoks into extinction. Get the picture? If not, then there is no Operation funny bones in the Galaxy. Just make sure Joss Whedon gets to do one. I am sure there woulMore

Posted by Helyx Helyx on Sunday February 24, 2013, 05:08

2
I can see it now. Kevin James is... Cedric Cooper: Stormtrooper More

Posted by theelusiveshaun on Thursday February 21, 2013, 12:46

3 Lighten up, you don't have to read it
That's a fair amount of pissed off messages for a bit of throw away fun, it passed a few mins in work for me and gave me a smirk or two so keep up the random bits and bobs Empire. More

Posted by jodybriggs on Wednesday February 20, 2013, 16:52

4 RE:
L: tejo It’s more an article I’d expect from TotalFilm. L: Rumpledink I'd so watch Mouse Droid and Rancor Keeper! ompletely agree with both of these. More

Posted by rogerebert on Wednesday February 20, 2013, 13:18

5
I would add Chewbacca to this list.... More

Posted by NeoBrowser on Wednesday February 20, 2013, 04:35

6
Number 9 reminded me of this: http://trashcompactor.tumblr.com/post/26145243 424/daw-someone-loves-even-you-rancor More

Posted by apocalypso on Wednesday February 20, 2013, 01:04

7 JAR JAR BINKS
How does Jar Jar not populate the entire list??? More

Posted by Heman on Tuesday February 19, 2013, 20:25

8
How about the Sarlacc? At least it's digestive system could justify a trilogy unlike The Hobbit. More

Posted by steveg66 on Tuesday February 19, 2013, 19:40

9 The hate is swelling in you now...
So many rants posted about these fun little time wasters. Empire scribes - don't let the haters grind you down. I do wish more folks would heed Thumper... "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all" More

Posted by MrkyMrk on Tuesday February 19, 2013, 16:49

10
The Malakili story would make a nice short though.. More

Posted by Overmind on Tuesday February 19, 2013, 14:21

11 What you talking about!?
I'd so watch Mouse Droid and Rancor Keeper! More

Posted by Rumpledink on Tuesday February 19, 2013, 12:35

12
It’s more an article I’d expect from TotalFilm. More

Posted by tejo on Tuesday February 19, 2013, 11:08

13 Long Time Reader, First Time Poster!
This really is a rubbish article eh?! More

Posted by DextersLab on Tuesday February 19, 2013, 10:51

14 Long Time Reader, First Time Poster!
This really is a rubbish article eh?! More

Posted by DextersLab on Tuesday February 19, 2013, 10:43

15 Erm...
Jar Jar... Yousa remember himsa? More

Posted by jojoruck on Tuesday February 19, 2013, 10:41

16 Rancor keeper
You do realise the rancor keeper was played by the great Shakespearean actor Paul Brooke (although known to most these days from Bridget Jones Diary). Just sayin' More

Posted by Norsedwarf on Tuesday February 19, 2013, 10:37

17 RE:
Slow news day?! More

Posted by Jezzman on Tuesday February 19, 2013, 09:47

18
What an incredible article you've written More

Posted by rossabroad on Tuesday February 19, 2013, 09:38

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