Register  |   Log In  |  
Sign up to our weekly newsletter    
Search   
Empire Magazine and iPad
Follow Me on Pinterest YouTube Tumblr
Empire
Trending On Empire
The 301 Greatest Movies Of All Time!
Empire's Guardians Of The Galaxy Cover
Does Star Wars Have A Brain Trust?
Nick Frost:
My Movie Life

The World's End star's pick of the flicks
Subscribe: 6 Issues For £15!
Subscribe today and save 37% off the cover price!
Feature
Star Wars Characters Who DON’T Deserve Their Own Spin-Off
On no account make these Star Wars movies!

submit to reddit

You may remember our Star Wars Characters Who Deserve Their Own Spin-Off feature from a couple of weeks ago. Well, it’s all very well being excited and positive about new Star Wars films, but history teaches us that we should also treat such ventures with some sense of trepidation. A spin-off film about a single character could easily lead to fear, anger, hate and suffering if not handled well, and the first mistake would be to make a movie based around any of the following…

WORDS NEIL ALCOCK
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
  1 of 8 Next
Star Wars Characters Who DON’T Deserve Their Own Spin-Off | Boss Nass
Boss Nass

As much as we love Brian Blessed, the Gungan syntax is even more testing of an audience’s patience than Yoda’s, making the prospect of a whole film filled with Nass’ verbal tics and spit-showers less than enticing. Whosa wanta watcha whole CHK-CHK-CHK moviefilm lika dis, BRLBRLBRL? Plus you just know it’d be in 3D, with umbrellas dished out along with 3D glasses to shelter from the deluge of Gungan saliva flying out of the screen.

Not only that but over the course of his career Rugor Nass undertook some of the most tedious jobs in the Star Wars universe: engineer, miner, businessman and civil servant, all before being appointed as the overweight Boss of Otoh Gunga. And let’s not forget that Nass saw fit to promote Jar Jar Binks, the Star Wars universe’s biggest tool, to Bombad General, which led to what would have been certain death on the Grassy Plains of Naboo for hundreds of Gungans were it not for the actions of a boy in a spaceship miles above their heads. How are we supposed to root for such an incompetent leader? We can’t. So Star Wars: Who’s The Boss? is a film that must not happen.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
 
1 of 8
Next

Have Your Say
Register or login now to let us know what you think.

Your Comments

1 THEY ALL DESERVE TO BE MADE INTO SHORTS!
I think the utter demise of said characters in short films - making one good Star Wars promo for Disney's HANDS OFF approach would restore faith in the franchise. As long as incredibly gifted writers, who could direct such comedy material in the way that Marvel Studios restored the whole idea of short films as a promo could be incredibly enjoyable to watch. I personally would like to see the utter demise of all of these characters, in Star Wars historically accurate time lines. Who would not want to see Darth Vader step on the tiny robot who is about to deliver the most important message ever to the Federation, leading Darth Vader into more heavy labored breathing anger (leading to more deaths of other side characters); mutant killer baby Ewok caused by the Federation Industrial Complex - wiping out the cannibalistic Ewoks into extinction. Get the picture? If not, then there is no Operation funny bones in the Galaxy. Just make sure Joss Whedon gets to do one. I am sure there woulMore

Posted by Helyx Helyx on Sunday February 24, 2013, 05:08

2
I can see it now. Kevin James is... Cedric Cooper: Stormtrooper More

Posted by theelusiveshaun on Thursday February 21, 2013, 12:46

3 Lighten up, you don't have to read it
That's a fair amount of pissed off messages for a bit of throw away fun, it passed a few mins in work for me and gave me a smirk or two so keep up the random bits and bobs Empire. More

Posted by jodybriggs on Wednesday February 20, 2013, 16:52

4 RE:
L: tejo It’s more an article I’d expect from TotalFilm. L: Rumpledink I'd so watch Mouse Droid and Rancor Keeper! ompletely agree with both of these. More

Posted by rogerebert on Wednesday February 20, 2013, 13:18

5
I would add Chewbacca to this list.... More

Posted by NeoBrowser on Wednesday February 20, 2013, 04:35

6
Number 9 reminded me of this: http://trashcompactor.tumblr.com/post/26145243 424/daw-someone-loves-even-you-rancor More

Posted by apocalypso on Wednesday February 20, 2013, 01:04

7 JAR JAR BINKS
How does Jar Jar not populate the entire list??? More

Posted by Heman on Tuesday February 19, 2013, 20:25

8
How about the Sarlacc? At least it's digestive system could justify a trilogy unlike The Hobbit. More

Posted by steveg66 on Tuesday February 19, 2013, 19:40

9 The hate is swelling in you now...
So many rants posted about these fun little time wasters. Empire scribes - don't let the haters grind you down. I do wish more folks would heed Thumper... "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all" More

Posted by MrkyMrk on Tuesday February 19, 2013, 16:49

10
The Malakili story would make a nice short though.. More

Posted by Overmind on Tuesday February 19, 2013, 14:21

11 What you talking about!?
I'd so watch Mouse Droid and Rancor Keeper! More

Posted by Rumpledink on Tuesday February 19, 2013, 12:35

12
It’s more an article I’d expect from TotalFilm. More

Posted by tejo on Tuesday February 19, 2013, 11:08

13 Long Time Reader, First Time Poster!
This really is a rubbish article eh?! More

Posted by DextersLab on Tuesday February 19, 2013, 10:51

14 Long Time Reader, First Time Poster!
This really is a rubbish article eh?! More

Posted by DextersLab on Tuesday February 19, 2013, 10:43

15 Erm...
Jar Jar... Yousa remember himsa? More

Posted by jojoruck on Tuesday February 19, 2013, 10:41

16 Rancor keeper
You do realise the rancor keeper was played by the great Shakespearean actor Paul Brooke (although known to most these days from Bridget Jones Diary). Just sayin' More

Posted by Norsedwarf on Tuesday February 19, 2013, 10:37

17 RE:
Slow news day?! More

Posted by Jezzman on Tuesday February 19, 2013, 09:47

18
What an incredible article you've written More

Posted by rossabroad on Tuesday February 19, 2013, 09:38

SPECIAL FEATURE
The 301 Greatest Movies Of All Time EMPIRE READERS' POLL: THE 301 GREATEST MOVIES OF ALL TIME
You turned out in your hundreds and thousands, and here are the results... Browse the full list


CURRENT HIGHLIGHTS
How To Create Your Dragon: The Inspirations Behind The Creatures
DreamWorks' animator reveals the ingredients for the movie's dragons

Video: Mark Ruffalo On Begin Again, Science Bros And Underpants Acting
Plus Empire meets director John Carney and co-star James Corden

Movie Poster Mashups: The Wes Anderson Edition
You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll be appalled at the punning...

Film Studies 101: Ten Movie Formats That Shook The World
The pre-digital innovations that formed modern cinema

Exodus: Gods And Kings: Ridley Scott's Trailer Breakdown
The director talks us through his enormous Biblical epic

Jay Baruchel Talks How To Train Your Dragon 2
From The Human Centipede to the origin of 'Useless reptile'

Watch: Industrial Light & Magic's Greatest Hits
From Star Wars to Transformers, we run through some of the best individual moments from the special effects masters

Subscribe to Empire magazine
Get The 301 Greatest Movies Of All Time Subscribers' Cover

Subscribe today and get the cover and 3 issues for only £10!

Subscribe today

Subscribe to Empire iPad edition
Get The Empire iPad Edition Today

Subscribe and save maney on annual digital subscription

Subscribe today
Buy single issues

Get 12 issues of Empire for just £18!
Special 25th anniversary offer for one month only! Subscribe today!
Empire's Film Studies 101 Series
Everything you ever wanted to know about filmmaking but were afraid to ask...
The Empire iPad Edition
With exclusive extras, interactive features, trailers and much more! Download now
Home  |  News  |  Blogs  |  Reviews  |  Future Films  |  Features  |  Interviews  |  Images  |  Competitions  |  Forum  |  iPad  |  Podcast  |  Magazine Contact Us  |  Empire FAQ  |  Subscribe To Empire  |  Register
© Bauer Consumer Media Ltd  |  Legal Info  |  Privacy Policy  |  Bauer Entertainment Network
Bauer Consumer Media Ltd (company number 01176085 and registered address 1 Lincoln Court, Lincoln Road, Peterborough, England PE1 2RF)