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Feature
Tarantino's Revisionist History Trilogy: 6 Time Periods He Could Tackle Next
Vikings, suffragettes, apaches, custard pies and Christoph Waltz casting notes

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Tarantino's Revisionist History Trilogy: 6 Time Periods He Could Tackle Next | 6. Chicago’s 1929 Saint Valentine's Day Massacre
6. Chicago’s 1929 Saint Valentine's Day Massacre

Title: Saint Valentine

Tagline: “Love hurts.”

A stylised prohibition-era revenge flick – Kill Bill with Tommy guns, snub pistols and in one especially weird piece of cinematic hat-tippery, custard pies. Members of South Side Italian gang led by Al Capone (Harvey Keitel) line five of Bugs Moran’s (Tim Roth) North Side Irish gang against the wall of the 2122 North Clark Street garage. The good guy brother of one of the victims, police officer Peter May (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) promptly loses it upon hearing the news, sick of both gangs and desperate to end them once and for all. Styling himself as “The Saint”, he enlists fellow boys in blue for an off-the-books blood bath at both Capone and Moran’s headquarters, at one point paper cutting a goon to death with a purposely sharpened Valentine’s Day card.

And despite this exceptionally silly plot suggestion, don’t count out the 1930s original Scarface setting for Tarantino’s next history lesson. At the same special BAFTA Q&A mentioned earlier, QT also said, “I can conceive maybe some day doing a '30s gangster picture or something like that.” If that “something like that” happens include any of the above, we’ll happily a percentage point or two, by the by.

Tarantino cameo: A washed-up Aussie mook guarding Capone’s gun room, seen sleeping soundly as May and co. arm themselves with bayonets, rocket launchers and sea mines on chains.

Christoph Waltz role: The chief of police who turns a blind eye to the Day After Saint Valentine’s Day massacre. Well, “turns a blind eye” is a little unfair – in reality he wears a fake beard and joins in on proceedings, at one point beating Moran to death with a rose bush.

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Your Comments

1 RE: Purposefully silly?
L: Jimmyduudah More like complete bollocks. By all means have a light hearted look at silly ideas for Tarantino movies but next time make it funny? This is just a half assed attempt at being funny. Do not ever write a comedy whoever wrote this rubbish. hat the hell's wrong with you? More

Posted by Whistler on Wednesday February 13, 2013, 22:06

2 Mince.
Harvey Keitel would obviously play DeWolf. More

Posted by VwikusM on Wednesday February 13, 2013, 15:12

3 Purposefully silly?
More like complete bollocks. By all means have a light hearted look at silly ideas for Tarantino movies but next time make it funny? This is just a half assed attempt at being funny. Do not ever write a comedy whoever wrote this rubbish. More

Posted by Jimmyduudah on Wednesday February 13, 2013, 14:36

4 Jimmyduudah and fightclubber954
You know these 'pitches' are purposely silly, right? As in, not serious? As in, “Come and suffragette some!” How can you be taking this so seriously? Unbunch thine panties, mister. More

Posted by Ali Plumb on Wednesday February 13, 2013, 09:46

5
No credit to Charlie Brooker for the suffrage example? More

Posted by Evil_Bob on Wednesday February 13, 2013, 00:29

6 This could be..
the worst article I've ever seen in Empire magazine to date. Thank god Tarantino comes up with far better ideas than this horse crap. What were the editors thinking allowing this to be published?.... More

Posted by Jimmyduudah on Wednesday February 13, 2013, 00:23

7 Empire doesn't do movies....
but if they did they would be shit More

Posted by fightclubber954 on Tuesday February 12, 2013, 20:01

8 American Civil War or GTFO!
"Brother fights Brother, Mother Fucker!" More

Posted by lsdbaby on Tuesday February 12, 2013, 18:33

9 another thing...
Tarantino could have the Hessian officer played by Waltz be an ancestor of Landas...hence why Landa asked for a property on Nantucket island following his release by the Basterds More

Posted by Sentinel11 on Tuesday February 12, 2013, 18:32

10
I freakin' hope it's a '30s gangster flick. That would be all sorts of special. More

Posted by Whistler on Tuesday February 12, 2013, 18:24

11 American Revolution for me
Although in terms of the Waltz role, would it not make sense that he be an officer in the Hessian army - who fought alongside the British (or as part of the British army? I can never remember) during the revolution? Besides, he's already done a pretty good job of playing a German army officer before... More

Posted by Sentinel11 on Tuesday February 12, 2013, 18:23

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