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Feature
Tarantino's Revisionist History Trilogy: 6 Time Periods He Could Tackle Next
Vikings, suffragettes, apaches, custard pies and Christoph Waltz casting notes

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Tarantino's Revisionist History Trilogy: 6 Time Periods He Could Tackle Next | 5. Revolutionary-Era Massachusetts
5. Revolutionary-Era Massachusetts

Title: The Hession Renogades

Tagline: “The first casualty of war is your sorry ass”

Skewering D. W. Griffith’s silent drama, The Hessian Renegades, into a blood-splattered massacre of both people and spelling, the third part of QT’s alt-history trilogy ties things up nicely with a politics-meets-pillaging vengeance flick. Left for dead by a British patrol while smuggling a message to George Washington, a young militiaman (Leonardo Di Caprio) assembles a posse of country dwellers into a guerrilla force to take the fight back to the wig-talcing redcoats. The movie will end with the whole of Boston exploding. Despite this, it will still be more historically accurate than The Patriot.

Tarantino cameo: A washed-up Australian musket dealer. In a deleted scene, he’ll explain that he came to New England because, “fair go, the ale here is strewthing miraculous”.

Christoph Waltz role: A German tea salesman who, in a film-stealing scene, regales a posse of bemused redcoats with his tips for making the perfect cup of Darjeeling, before blasting the Brits away.

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Have Your Say
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Your Comments

1 RE: Purposefully silly?
L: Jimmyduudah More like complete bollocks. By all means have a light hearted look at silly ideas for Tarantino movies but next time make it funny? This is just a half assed attempt at being funny. Do not ever write a comedy whoever wrote this rubbish. hat the hell's wrong with you? More

Posted by Whistler on Wednesday February 13, 2013, 22:06

2 Mince.
Harvey Keitel would obviously play DeWolf. More

Posted by VwikusM on Wednesday February 13, 2013, 15:12

3 Purposefully silly?
More like complete bollocks. By all means have a light hearted look at silly ideas for Tarantino movies but next time make it funny? This is just a half assed attempt at being funny. Do not ever write a comedy whoever wrote this rubbish. More

Posted by Jimmyduudah on Wednesday February 13, 2013, 14:36

4 Jimmyduudah and fightclubber954
You know these 'pitches' are purposely silly, right? As in, not serious? As in, “Come and suffragette some!” How can you be taking this so seriously? Unbunch thine panties, mister. More

Posted by Ali Plumb on Wednesday February 13, 2013, 09:46

5
No credit to Charlie Brooker for the suffrage example? More

Posted by Evil_Bob on Wednesday February 13, 2013, 00:29

6 This could be..
the worst article I've ever seen in Empire magazine to date. Thank god Tarantino comes up with far better ideas than this horse crap. What were the editors thinking allowing this to be published?.... More

Posted by Jimmyduudah on Wednesday February 13, 2013, 00:23

7 Empire doesn't do movies....
but if they did they would be shit More

Posted by fightclubber954 on Tuesday February 12, 2013, 20:01

8 American Civil War or GTFO!
"Brother fights Brother, Mother Fucker!" More

Posted by lsdbaby on Tuesday February 12, 2013, 18:33

9 another thing...
Tarantino could have the Hessian officer played by Waltz be an ancestor of Landas...hence why Landa asked for a property on Nantucket island following his release by the Basterds More

Posted by Sentinel11 on Tuesday February 12, 2013, 18:32

10
I freakin' hope it's a '30s gangster flick. That would be all sorts of special. More

Posted by Whistler on Tuesday February 12, 2013, 18:24

11 American Revolution for me
Although in terms of the Waltz role, would it not make sense that he be an officer in the Hessian army - who fought alongside the British (or as part of the British army? I can never remember) during the revolution? Besides, he's already done a pretty good job of playing a German army officer before... More

Posted by Sentinel11 on Tuesday February 12, 2013, 18:23

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