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Feature
Tarantino's Revisionist History Trilogy: 6 Time Periods He Could Tackle Next
Vikings, suffragettes, apaches, custard pies and Christoph Waltz casting notes

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Tarantino's Revisionist History Trilogy: 6 Time Periods He Could Tackle Next | 4. Pre-Opium War China
4. Pre-Opium War China

Title: Shanghai Vice

Tagline: “Shit just got seriously addictive”

A crash-bangingly violent wushu Western in which a lone American war veteran (played by Ryan Gosling) tackles a Shanghai cartel of opium dealers led by a Fu Manchu-type (played by Ryan Gosling with twiddly moustache) whose private army is in cahoots with corrupt British officials. Good Gosling leads the fightback, Man-With-No-Name style, when the children of his village are sold opium lollies and the women carted away to serve in Evil Gosling’s kitchens. It’s Shanghai Express meets MasterChef meets a shitload of dynamite.

Tarantino cameo: A washed-up Australian opium addict doing comedy double takes during battle scenes.

Christoph Waltz role: A German missionary with a Gatling gun.

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Your Comments

1 RE: Purposefully silly?
L: Jimmyduudah More like complete bollocks. By all means have a light hearted look at silly ideas for Tarantino movies but next time make it funny? This is just a half assed attempt at being funny. Do not ever write a comedy whoever wrote this rubbish. hat the hell's wrong with you? More

Posted by Whistler on Wednesday February 13, 2013, 22:06

2 Mince.
Harvey Keitel would obviously play DeWolf. More

Posted by VwikusM on Wednesday February 13, 2013, 15:12

3 Purposefully silly?
More like complete bollocks. By all means have a light hearted look at silly ideas for Tarantino movies but next time make it funny? This is just a half assed attempt at being funny. Do not ever write a comedy whoever wrote this rubbish. More

Posted by Jimmyduudah on Wednesday February 13, 2013, 14:36

4 Jimmyduudah and fightclubber954
You know these 'pitches' are purposely silly, right? As in, not serious? As in, “Come and suffragette some!” How can you be taking this so seriously? Unbunch thine panties, mister. More

Posted by Ali Plumb on Wednesday February 13, 2013, 09:46

5
No credit to Charlie Brooker for the suffrage example? More

Posted by Evil_Bob on Wednesday February 13, 2013, 00:29

6 This could be..
the worst article I've ever seen in Empire magazine to date. Thank god Tarantino comes up with far better ideas than this horse crap. What were the editors thinking allowing this to be published?.... More

Posted by Jimmyduudah on Wednesday February 13, 2013, 00:23

7 Empire doesn't do movies....
but if they did they would be shit More

Posted by fightclubber954 on Tuesday February 12, 2013, 20:01

8 American Civil War or GTFO!
"Brother fights Brother, Mother Fucker!" More

Posted by lsdbaby on Tuesday February 12, 2013, 18:33

9 another thing...
Tarantino could have the Hessian officer played by Waltz be an ancestor of Landas...hence why Landa asked for a property on Nantucket island following his release by the Basterds More

Posted by Sentinel11 on Tuesday February 12, 2013, 18:32

10
I freakin' hope it's a '30s gangster flick. That would be all sorts of special. More

Posted by Whistler on Tuesday February 12, 2013, 18:24

11 American Revolution for me
Although in terms of the Waltz role, would it not make sense that he be an officer in the Hessian army - who fought alongside the British (or as part of the British army? I can never remember) during the revolution? Besides, he's already done a pretty good job of playing a German army officer before... More

Posted by Sentinel11 on Tuesday February 12, 2013, 18:23

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