The fuzz buzz: Spending more time looking out to sea than attending to the rather more serious matter at hand, namely doing something with that rather stupid-looking tache, Brig Gen Quintard's poor leadership skills are reflected in his dodgy choice of facial attire. In fact you could go so far as to say that the most terrifying aspect of Terrence Malick's "war is hell" tale is not the scenes of death and destruction but rather the ill-advised top-lip topiary.

Hair style? Lacking in military precision and discipline - it's a bit of a mess really.

Tache'll do It's more disturbing than Woody Harrelson's death-by-grenade mishap.

Hirsutes you sir? About as senseless as war itself - 2/10.