Madam, please! The most outrageous turn-ons ever...
In Baz Luhrman's Australia, there's a scene where an outrageously pumped-up Hugh Jackman strips off his shirt, lathers up thoroughly with soapy bubbles and then pours a bucket of water over his head. Repeatedly. From several different camera angles. In honour of such gratuitous showboating of perfectly toned movie-star flesh, we thought we'd look at some other egregious examples of the fine old art of the tease. Note: strippers and actual sex are not eligible, and a few generally gratuitous films failed to make the cut because they didn't have one single stand-out scene; it was simply all gratuitous. We're looking at you, Charlie's Angels, 300 and Into The Blue
WORDS: HELEN O'HARA
One Night At McCools
It doesn't get much more over-the-top in this. Liv Tyler, at the absolute height of her sex appeal, puts on a girly cotton dress and starts washing a car. In soft focus. And slow motion. With lots and lots of suds and spouting water. In comparison to this, Australia looks positively restrained.
Top Gun
When you're a brawny fighter pilot, making the world safe for democracy every day, what better way to unwind than by taking off your shirt, oiling yourself up (apparently) and playing some beach volleyball against your arch rival for Top Gun status? And then flexing. Dear oh dear oh dear.
Gilda
This might be considered a stripping scene, but the only thing she removes are her gloves. Rita Hayworth's mystique was founded on this moment, wherein her gangster's wife revealed her capacity for the tease, reducing the men around her to puddles of jelly on the floor. And every man who's watched it since.
The Seven Year Itch
Arguably Monroe's entire purpose in this film is to be astonishingly sexy, given that she represents the near-irrepressible desire of married schmo Richard Sherman, but even by those standards, her iconic scene on a subway grating is breathtakingly over the top. Still, from such gratuitousness, a million posters are born.
From Dusk Till Dawn
What's sexier than Salma Hayek? Easy: Salma Hayek as a bikini-clad erotic dancer. And what's sexier than that? Well, what if she's a vampire, and she's got a ginormous snake around her neck? The subtext is not what you'd call subtle, but it certainly enlivens the middle of the film just before everything goes batshit vampire crazy.
American Gigolo
Richard Gere's Julian Kaye ritualistically lays out his Armani wardrobe prior to a "date" - but while he's perving over the clothes, most of the audiences are perving over his mostly-unclad form. Honestly, there's no reason he couldn't have worn a dressing gown for this bit.
Dodgeball
It's rumoured throughout the film that Christine Taylor's Kate Veatch is a lesbian (cause she can throw), but at the finale, her girlfriend turns up just for a bit of titillation for the male audience (and cast) and so that Vince Vaughn's Peter LaFleur can "hit the jackpot" and nab the two somebodies who are right for him.
Deep Blue Sea
So you’re in a sinking sea-station, being pursued by super-intelligent, man-eating sharks – how on Earth are the producers going to get you nekkid? Why, by introducing the danger of electrocution, leading Saffron Burrows’ scientist to strip to her scanties and balance on her wetsuit for protection. Smart thinking!
Dr No / Die Another Day / Casino Royale
A triptych of some of the best of Bond gratuitousness (a quantity never in short supply). It's the witty twists on a Bond standard that make this one: from Ursula Andress' original encapsulation of everything a Bond girl needs (beauty, bikini, knife), through Halle Berry's orange update, to Daniel Craig's feminist inversion.
In Baz Luhrman's Australia Hugh Jackman has his shirt off, he's buff, he's tan, he's bathed in the moonlight and the oil lantern light, the camera shows in SLOW MOTION him pouring water over the top of his head and chest me and ever other girl in the cinema was DROOLING. But it's funny because the director makes it so obvious that Nicole Kidman is imagining this is slow motion. There's another shot of Hugh and Nicole in the pouring down rain, the clothes are sticking to them (him in a white Tu... Read More
L: richie fingers
when that girl got out of the lake in doc hollywood. that was the first time i jerked off!
hat might be a little too much information... ... Read More
L: chizmund
y the scene in the motel room, but that whole movie is the biggest tease of all time, considering there's nudity and yet none of it is the heavenly form of Elisha Cuthbert. Playing a pornstar.
What. A. Gyp. ... Read More
I'm confused for two reasons.
First, that link goes to "top ten Australian films".
And secondly, on the actual gratuitous sexy scenes list there's a picture of Saffron Burrows under the caption Deep Blue Sea, but the comment is about Ryan Reynolds being tortured. ... Read More