The Happy Couple: Kimmy (Cameron Diaz) and Michael (Dermot Mulroney)

The Hanger On: Julianne (Julia Roberts)

What’s the situation? Years ago, Michael and Julianne agreed that if they were still single at the age of 35, they’d marry one another. Because that’s the sort of romantic and pragmatic decision that lies at the heart of many a successful lifelong commitment. Time’s nearly up – but Michael calls up out of the blue to reveal that he’s found wuv, twue wuv, with Kimmy. Julianne, heart suddenly black with the fear of dying alone, heads off to ruin the wedding, despite Kimmy’s best efforts to win her over to the side of truth, justice and the aforementioned true love. Luckily Rupert Everett is on hand to remind Julianne that she’s not a hideous unmarriageable old crone just yet, and that while he himself might be gay, at least she isn’t marrying dull old stick Michael.

Worst moment: Kissing the groom right before his wedding to someone else YOU HARLOT.

Moral of the story? Don’t ruin your best friend’s wedding, you screaming psycho. Get drunk with your awesome mates instead. Jesus, do we have to think of everything?

Wedding checklist:

Does the wedding go ahead?
Does true love triumph?
Is there a run for love at the end?
Comic relief from elderly relatives?
Realism score	3/10