The Happy Couple: Hannah (Michelle Monaghan) and Colin (Kevin McKidd)

The Hanger On: Tom (Patrick Dempsey)

What’s the situation? Tom is BFFs with Hannah (Monaghan) but has no romantic relationship with her, since he’s busy shagging the rest of Manhattan on the regular, the big tart. That’s fine, until she faffs off to Scotland for six weeks on work and Tom, bereft, realises that maybe he’s been in love with her all this time! He’s all set to tell her and live happily ever after – but fate has other plans, in the too-good-to-be-true form of Kevin McKidd, to whom Hannah gets engaged over there. When she asks Tom to be her “maid” of honour (we refuse to countenance that spelling), he agrees so that he can sabotage the wedding and persuade Hannah that he, the guy who’s romantically ignored her for a decade, is the man she should be with. Cue disastrous encounters with waiters, horrendous hen dos and increasingly outlandish attempts to tell her how he feels, culminating in a bloody horse ride across a glen for crying out loud.

Worst moment: So hard to choose. Probably the cringeworthy bachelorette party where the bride’s aged grandmother goes home with a sex toy.

Moral of the story? Horrendous slappers are a much better romantic option than a well-endowed, handsome Scottish laird with his own castle, distillery and great singing voice. Mostly because the former actually exists.

Wedding checklist:

Does the wedding go ahead?
Does true love triumph?
Is there a run for love at the end?
Comic relief from elderly relatives?
Realism score	1/10