Register  |   Log In  |  
Sign up to our weekly newsletter    
Search   
Empire Magazine and iPad
Follow Me on Pinterest YouTube Tumblr
Empire
Trending On Empire
100 Greatest Videos Games Of All Time
Robin Williams: The Big Interview
Empire Visits The Hobbit's VFX Team
Nick Frost:
My Movie Life

The World's End star's pick of the flicks
4Music's Size Does Matter
Introducing your new favourite app
Classic Scene

18

ROXANNE
"Sneeze and it's goodbye Seattle!"

SETTING THE SCENE  A bar room boor unimaginatively insults C.D. Bales (Steve Martin) as "Big Nose", to which C.D. contends he can think of much better witticisms regarding his extraordinary proboscis. The number is established on a throw of darts...

C.D.: All right, all right, 20 something betters. Uh, here goes. Uh, start with, uh, Obvious: Excuse me, is that your nose or did a bus park on your face? Meteorological: Everybody take cover! She's going to blow! Fashionable: you know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you worse something larger - like Wyoming. Personal: Well here we are - just the three of us. Punctual: All right Delman, your nose was on time, but you were 15 minutes late! Envious: Ooooh, I wish I were you! Gosh! To be able to smell your own ear! Naughty: Uh, pardon me, sir, some of the ladies have asked if you wouldn't mind putting that thing away. Philosophical: You know, it's not the size of a nose that's important, it's what's in it that matters. Humorous: laugh and the world laughs with you; sneeze and it's Goodbye Seattle! Commercial: Hi! I'm Ed Shive and I can paint that for $39.95. Polite: Uh, would you mind not bobbing your head? The orchestra keeps changing tempo. Melodic, everybody: (The crowd sings at his cue) "He's got the whole world in his nose". Sympathetic: Awww, what happened, did your parents lose a bet with God? Complimentary: You must love the little birdies to give them this to perch on. Scientific: Hey, did hat thing there influence the tides? Obscure: Huh! I'd hate to see the grindstone. Well, think about it. Inquiring: When you stop and smell the flowers, are they afraid? French: Say, zee pigs have refused to find any more truffles until you leave. Pornographic: Finally, a man who can satisfy two women at once. How many is that? (he is answered - inaccurately - "14 chief!".) All right, all right! Religious: The Lord giveth, and he just kept on giving, didn't he? Disgusting: Say, who mows your nose hair? (The crowd shouts "16!") Uh, Paranoid: Keep that guy away from my cocaine! ("17!") Aromatic: It must be wonderful to wake up in the morning and smell the coffee - in Brazil. ("18!") Appreciative: Ooooh, how original! Most people just have their teeth capped. ("19!") All right, uh. All right. (To Boor) Dirty: Your name wouldn't be Dick would it?

Boor: You smart-ass sonofabtich.

C.D.: You flat-faced, flat-nosed flat-head. (Turning his back, C.D. blocks a punch and thumps the dude without a glance.) Has he fallen yet? (Walks out to laughter and massive applause.)

Back to Classic Scene selection

Have Your Say
Register or login now to let us know what you think.

Your Comments

1 Inaccurately
Posted on Tuesday May 13, 2014, 02:06 by jws1272
He was actually at 19, when he asks "How Many?" He did TWENTY-FIVE. My sis & I sat down with our VHS tape of it years ago & counted.......and wrote them down. Read More

SPECIAL FEATURE
The 301 Greatest Movies Of All Time EMPIRE READERS' POLL: THE 301 GREATEST MOVIES OF ALL TIME
You turned out in your hundreds and thousands, and here are the results... Browse the full list


CURRENT HIGHLIGHTS
Exclusive: Luc Besson Talks Lucy
'There is no bullshit with Scarlett Johansson'

Video: Daniel Radcliffe Talks What If...
On Gordon Ramsay, swearing and date movies

The 24 Best Film-Related Ice Bucket Challenges
The viral craze that won’t quit takes in some of Hollywood’s finest

Who Shot First? The Complete List Of Star Wars Changes
An exhaustive chronology of George Lucas' post-release tinkering

Gamescom 2014: The 10 Most Exciting Games
Zombies! Guns! Tombs! Sheep! Watch the trailers right here...

Who Is Mack Bolan? Your Guide To Cinema's New Action Man
As Bradley Cooper lines up to star as the hero, here's your handy guide to his story so far

Film Studies 101: A Film Buff's Guide To Movie Movements
Everything you need to know about cinema's key groups

Subscribe to Empire magazine
Get 6 Issues Of Empire For Only £15!

Get exclusive subscriber-only covers each month!

Subscribe today

Subscribe to Empire iPad edition
Get The Empire iPad Edition Today

Subscribe and save maney on annual digital subscription

Subscribe today
Buy single issues

Get 6 issues of Empire for just £15!
Get the world's greatest movie magazine delivered straight to your door! Subscribe today!
Empire's Film Studies 101 Series
Everything you ever wanted to know about filmmaking but were afraid to ask...
The Empire iPad Edition
With exclusive extras, interactive features, trailers and much more! Download now
Home  |  News  |  Blogs  |  Reviews  |  Future Films  |  Features  |  Interviews  |  Images  |  Competitions  |  Forum  |  iPad  |  Podcast  |  Magazine Contact Us  |  Empire FAQ  |  Subscribe To Empire  |  Register
© Bauer Consumer Media Ltd  |  Legal Info  |  Privacy Policy  |  Bauer Entertainment Network
Bauer Consumer Media Ltd (company number 01176085 and registered address 1 Lincoln Court, Lincoln Road, Peterborough, England PE1 2RF)