The BAFTA Blog
17.57 (GMT)
The ceremony is about to start and as is tradition, there’s a nervous man telling everyone to be quiet and turn off their mobile phones. The Royal Opera House looks a lot fancier than the Odeon Leicester Square, mostly because of the lack of soft drink residue on the floor and shortage of people lobbing popcorn at the back of Ian McKellen’s head.
17.58
Everyone has shut up. Simon Pegg is fidgeting.
 |
|
So Jonathan Ross, what do you have that’s better than Stephen Fry? Go on, impress us. We dare you.
|
 |
18.00
We’re beginning and Jake Gyllehaal is very excited, smiling the smile of someone who knows he’s the most handsome man in the room.
18.01
So Jonathan Ross, what do you have that’s better than Stephen Fry? Go on, impress us. We dare you. He says that the good films this year were “more packed than Daniel Craig’s Speedos”. OK, you started well, but you’re still on audition time. Also, who decided that a big mask that fell over is a set that says “Hollywood glamour”? It’s more ‘dodgy scaffolding’.
18.03
Jonathan Ross’ “the stars are offsetting their carbon emissions by planting a Forest Whitaker” joke was kinda lame.
18.04
Mel Gibson gags? C’mon Jonathan, that’s a little old. The rest of the opening soliloquy was good though.
18.05
Ladies and Gentlemen, the clip reel of films out this year! What’s the point of that? Surely the fact that all these people are here is reminder enough that films were made in 2006?
18.08
James McAvoy is not laughing. But he is awesome.
|
|
It’s a scientific fact that anyone who dislikes Kate Winslet is actually the devil and will kill your granny.
|
|
18.09
The lovely Kate Winslet presents the first award for Best British Film in a lovely fashion. It’s a scientific fact that anyone who dislikes Kate Winslet is actually the devil and will kill your granny. C’mon United 93! We’re rooting for ya!
18.10
The Last King of Scotland?! Whaa? Good, but not the best of the list. The loveliness of Kate Winslet is the only thing soothing our desire to storm the stage, dragging Paul Greengrass up with us.
18.13
Short Film award. For the duration of this segment we will be thinking of ways to describe Naomie Harris’s beauty, because we won’t have seen the films. Maybe incandescent? Luminous? Spondicious? Classic, with a large sprinkling of yummy? Words are not enough, so we’ll try the medium of doodle. We’ve gone with a flower with a big smile and sunglasses (he’s cool, but he’s also outside all day) dancing with a baby panda. That is how Naomie Harris makes us feel.
18.19
Really happy for the people who won the awards for short film and animation, but it’s a slow start.
18.20
Make up and hair. Bad shirt, Dominic Cooper of History Boys and Starter for Ten fame. Ruffles? This is not a prom in the ‘70s, nor are you a magician. But well played, Rebecca Hall of The Prestige and Starter for Ten (again) fame. Yay, Pan’s Labyrinth wins best make-up for turning Doug Jones into that big evil condom with eyes in his hands.
18.22
The woman who won gave her speech in Spanish. She said, in Spanish. Thanks a lot everybody. Thanks Helen, for the translation. We thought she was just having a stroke.
|
|
We love Andy Serkis. We like to consider him the Empire pet. Sadly, he kept breaking out of his cage and making films.
|
|
18.24
Production design goes to Children of Men, for its Hackney on Bonfire Night look. Brilliant film, sadly ignored by most awards ceremonies. Not this one, but others. We’re looking at you, Oscar.
18.26
We love Andy Serkis. We like to consider him the Empire pet. Sadly, he kept breaking out of his cage and making films. So we neutered him. He presents Best Visual Effects to Pirates 2. The team can’t be here because they’re making another film. We think it’s the new Uwe Boll, we weren’t listening.
18.26
Serkis is also presenting costume design. Someone clearly didn’t show up. Costume Design wins prize for Category with Best Names of Nominees. Someone called Lala Hueta won, beating Consolata. Lala doesn’t speak English either. Helen translated again. It was kinda long, so short version isGuillermo Del Toro and Mexico are bitchin’. Hopefully there are phrase books in the goodie bags.
|
