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Feature
15 Gloriously Awful '80s End Credit Songs
The most bizarre film theme tunes of the 1980s

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There are classic ‘80s end credits songs, and then there are most of them. Some people like to sit in the theatre until the final studio logo, but the following – with the honourable exception of the Ramones – seem almost as if they were designed to clear a cinema as fast as possible (which seems particularly unkind to the staff who had to endure them as they cleared up the spilled popcorn). Songs of peace and love for violent action movies; dayglo anthems for forgotten musical farragos; attempted hit singles by cast members who should know better; terrible rhymes; and many strange things happening to people’s hearts: all are in store for those of you who can get beyond page one. Warning: severe danger of unwanted earworms.

WORDS OWEN WILLIAMS
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Rambo: First Blood Part II

Peace in Our Life by Frank Stallone

First Blood’s It’s a Long Road made sense in context and was at least tolerable. The sequel however, opts to let the credits roll with Frank Stallone and this sentimental, earnest, patriotic slice of ham. “Peace is the virtue / Never Forget,” emotes Frank, apparently oblivious to the fact that his older brother was burning Vietnam to the ground five minutes ago.

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Your Comments

1 RE: I like all of these songs...
Another vote for 'Hearts On Fire' being fucking awesome... More

Posted by Mister Coe on Thursday February 28, 2013, 23:26

2 RE: I like all of these songs...
Electric dreams by Giorgio Morader, true cheesy 80's. Note sure whether it ended the movie but what a classic 80's song, we'll always be together, togeeeetherrr in Electric dreams. More

Posted by Willy Wood on Monday February 25, 2013, 14:27

3 I like all of these songs...
Especially the Arnie songs - I'm not ashamed of this. More

Posted by littlechris on Sunday February 24, 2013, 22:38

4 RE: Teen Wolf
Was just about to say the same thing, fantastic song! More

Posted by Hippolyte on Sunday February 24, 2013, 20:21

5 Dragnet...
Dragnet reminds me of a time when Tom Hanks used to shout every one of his lines in every movie! More

Posted by Toursiveu on Sunday February 24, 2013, 19:45

6 Dream Warriors
Damn right I think Nightmare on Elm Street part 3: Dream Warriors is one of the better entire, it's an excellent movie, if you just watch parts 1, 3 and 7 (New Nightmare) It makes a kick ass, totally self contained trilogy without any of the nonsense that spoiled the franchise. More

Posted by Craigmustdie on Sunday February 24, 2013, 18:25

7 Saved it right at the end.
That was one terrible and strangely unmemorable list of songs, just about saved by 'Hearts On Fire'. :) More

Posted by captainrentboy on Sunday February 24, 2013, 14:46

8
Live and Let Die 'decent'? Was this written by a 12 year old Justin Bieber fan with no musical taste whatsoever? More

Posted by Charles B. Potatoes on Saturday February 23, 2013, 21:33

9 Bloodsport
"Kumite! Kumite! Kumite!" - My toes started wiggling to this again the moment it started. Back in the days I recorded my favourite scenes of the movie with a tape recorder so I could listen to them on my walkman. That's how much I love(d) it. And that song was the high point of my Bloodsport compilation, haha. :-) Still awesome. More

Posted by electrohead on Saturday February 23, 2013, 13:38

10 Bloodsport
"Kumite! Kumite! Kumite!" - My toes started wiggling along to this again the moment it started. Back in the days I recorded my favourite scenes of the movie on a tape recorder so I could listen to them. That's how much I love(d) it. And that song was the high point of my compilation, haha. :-) Still awesome. More

Posted by electrohead on Saturday February 23, 2013, 13:28

11 Oi!
Hearts on Fire is awesome! More

Posted by sowasred2012 on Saturday February 23, 2013, 13:17

12 Dragnet
....errrrrr is it just me or is the Hanks/Ackroyd rap frickin awesome ?!?!? More

Posted by ascohen01 on Saturday February 23, 2013, 10:16

13 Empire You've Ruined My Childhood!
Ok, most of the selection is god awful but weren't the 80's in general god awful anyway? It reflects perfectly the time, mehinks. Have to admit Xanadu and Christmas Vacation...I kind of like, guilty pleasure and I've heard far worse like say Adele's 'Skyfall' theme anyone.....anyone?! More

Posted by Kevin Kennedy on Saturday February 23, 2013, 09:09

14 where is big trouble in kittle china?
this is an example of true 80's kitsch. written by and starring the director himself More

Posted by aardvark1973 on Saturday February 23, 2013, 08:53

15 Commando!!
I knew Frank Stallone would be on there for First Blood, Part II, but I have to admit, I started the list with the intention of mentioning in the comments page about how you missed We Fight for Love. Glad to see you were already on top of it. Great list! More

Posted by Boomer340 on Friday February 22, 2013, 21:58

16 Hearts on Fire..
strong desire, rages deep within.... Awful? Fucking Awesome more like. Shame on you Empire. More

Posted by Scruffybobby on Friday February 22, 2013, 20:32

17
They should re-release Manhunter with all the shite 80s rawk toons wiped off it, it would lift the film to another level. I also like "Stand on your own/there's No Retreat, No Surrender!" I only noticed recently that the J. Geils Band of (Angel Is The) Centrefold fame did the song for Fright Night in 1985: "We're all in for a-most frightening night-night-night!" More

Posted by BenTramer on Friday February 22, 2013, 17:14

18 TWINS!
One of the most awesome movies of all time has an even more awesome end credits song (clearly written for the movie) - such classic lines as "Twins - together outside and in" "Everythings great when you're twins"! What's not to love about this!! More

Posted by okayeoiny on Friday February 22, 2013, 15:00

19 Definitely Teen Wolf For Me
With added cock waving! More

Posted by bradcam72 on Friday February 22, 2013, 14:45

20 Teen Wolf
This needs a mention. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=viCZGUb9rhU I nearly started weeping :-) Epic! More

Posted by guysalisbury on Friday February 22, 2013, 13:06

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