John Terry Vs. Movies
Posted on Monday May 21, 2012, 15:08 by Chris Hewitt in Empire States
History will record that Chelsea won the Champions League on Saturday night. Their glorious victory also gave us one of the most unedifying and unintentionally hilarious sights of recent years: Chelsea captain John Terry, who didn’t play in the final through suspension, casting aside dignity and, indeed, the team’s captain on the night, Frank Lampard, and donning his full Chelsea kit to lift the European Cup trophy.
It’s the most public example of shameless gatecrashing since The Joker showed up to Bruce Wayne’s fundraiser for Harvey Dent, and has already sparked its own internet meme, with Photoshop wags (not to be confused with PhotoShop WAGs) splicing Chelsea’s selfless skipper into great moments from history. Not ones to be left out, JT-style, we asked our Twitter followers to come up with a litany of great movie moments, now with added John Terry. The results are rough’n’ready, but utterly hilarious. Enjoy.
What a glorious moment for The Italian Stallion. Triumphant at last over Ivan Drago, he’s erased the haunting memories of the death of his good friend, Apollo Creed, and now he’s… wait, what’s this? It’s only bleedin’ JT, hogging the limelight. We’d keep a close eye on Adrian if we were you, Rock. By @Reni_Von_Skwid.
"*crowd pleaser*", laughs QPR fan @adamrubins, with this poignant recreation of the end of Seven, in which Terry’s severed head replaces Gwyneth Paltrow’s.
“I found this one of him coming to the rescue in The Departed,” tweets @philrowlandson. And yes, JT may get a red card for this tackle from behind on Anthony Anderson, but it’ll be worth it in the long run.
Planet Of The Apes
One of many from the excellent @feintzebra, with a sight that would strike fear into the hearts of many men – even Charlton Heston. “You did it, you bastards!” Chuck, who’s got a soft spot for Bayern, might yell. “Damn you all to hell!”
Or, How I Learned How To Stop Worrying And Take All The Credit. @feintzebra again, with JT replacing Slim Pickens on that fateful ride into oblivion.
Even though this boasts some of the shoddiest Photoshop work we’ve seen in a while, there’s something so joyful about this shot of Terry giving it 110 percent in his fight against the ‘raptors, that we just had to include it. Mind you, knowing Terry, he’s probably tackling Alan Grant and the kids. By @pandadeer.
Return Of The Jedi
@ArcadianWalnut came up with this cracker, in which Terry, despite never having met Luke Skywalker, claims all the credit for Luke’s graduation as Jedi Knight. Yoda is so disgusted by the lack of humility that he can’t even bear to look at him. And coming from someone who’s doing a series of Vodafone ads, saying something that is.
Friday The 13th
@feintzebra again, with JT ably filling the role of an unstoppable force of nature that overcomes all obstacles – broken ribs, suspensions, horny teenagers – through sheer willpower.
@geniewilliams adapts the end of Chris Nolan’s first Batmovie, and introduces the Caped Crusader’s most terrifying foe yet. “He’s got a taste for the theatrical, like you,” says Gordon. “And also a fierce will to win, which masks lack of pace and slightly dodgy positional sense.”
Hugely popular, this one, with several people having a go at it. “I forgot his medal,” says @hubiesounds, going back to insert it. But our favourite comes from @winstano, who puts JT where he should be, front and centre, obscuring Princess Leia. Did he have any involvement in the Rebel’s campaign against the tyrannical Empire? No. Was he an integral part of the plan to blow up the Death Star? No. But at the end of the day, he’s given it his all and deserves to be there.
Introducing the newest member of the Channel 4 News Team. He’s kind of a big deal. His stadium has many plastic seats and smells of rich mahogany. By @palmer_zan
Escape To Victory
Ah, the ultimate football movie just wouldn’t be complete without JT, a man who knows a thing or two about beating Germans on the football pitch. Or, at least, watching it from the sidelines. By @LennyUKdeejay
Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 2
Genuine pic, this, of Terry at the premier for the final Harry Potter movie, as sent to us by @niceaspie95. Rumour has it that JT actually killed Voldemort. Or, at least, he had an assist.
The Blair Witch Project
This terrifying vision comes from @piccolo135, who helpfully captions it. “Terry explains the rules of Hide & Seek to the Blair Witch.” The Blair Witch was later sold to Middlesbrough for a nominal fee.
The wonderfully-named @Davishammer21 offers this vision of Terry gatecrashing the Don’s daughter’s big day. “Obviously, the lads believe in America,” he tells Don Corleone. “We’re going to go out there and give it everything we’ve got. You can’t take that away from us.”
“Terry can’t decide what’s real and what’s a dream,” says @sibrady. But whatever happens, he’s got the totem locked down tight. That totem’s going nowhere. You can shove your zonal marking up your arse!
@linopolis chips in with this heartwarming look at the end of Casablanca, JT-style. This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
The Empire Strikes Back
@feintzebra again, and this time he’s more ambitious than ever. It’s the end of The Empire Strikes Back. Luke – now minus a hand, and burdened with the knowledge of his true parentage – and Leia – who’s just lost the man she loves – stand on the deck of the Rebel ship, looking forlornly into space when… along comes JT, cartwheeling and whooping for joy. In Lucas’ world, Greedo still shoots first, but Terry comes along to clear it off the line.
It’s commonly accepted wisdom that the iceberg that sank the Titanic was spotted mere seconds before the fateful collision. Not so, according to @tstrachanedit: JT spotted it days before anyone else. If only they’d listened.
That man @tstrachanedit again, with a scenario that we reckon is weirdly close to Saturday night’s actual events.
This, courtesy of @chrisjudge, is just genius.
Any more? Send them to us via Twitter with the hashtag #EmpireTerry. And Chelsea fans, please don’t hurt us, it’s only a bit of fun. And hey, when all’s said and done, at the end of the day, you’re the champions of Europe! Over the moon!
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Posted on Monday May 21, 2012, 16:51
Most of these are just awful, where have the usual skilled people who do the mash ups gone?
Posted on Monday May 21, 2012, 17:05
@rossabroad It's from twitter users, not the usual poster mashuppers.
Posted on Monday May 21, 2012, 17:24
You forgot the poster for D W Griffiths BIRTH OF A NATION. That was full of bigots too.
Posted on Monday May 21, 2012, 18:09
Rossabroad, the people who do mash-ups have a whole week in which to weave their magic. The #EmpireTerry lot had a matter of hours, if that. I love that some of them are spectacularly bad - it's the ideas behind them, rather than the execution, that makes us laugh.
Besides, some of them are utterly brilliant.
Posted on Monday May 21, 2012, 18:22
I agree they are brilliant!
Posted on Monday May 21, 2012, 19:11
This has to be my favourite blog ever. Stirling work.
Posted on Monday May 21, 2012, 19:57
My hearts broken.... :O)
Posted on Monday May 21, 2012, 21:59
I'll have you all know that MY picture took at the very least, 2 minutes to put together..
Posted on Tuesday May 22, 2012, 14:31
Posted on Tuesday May 22, 2012, 18:29
These are class. The sheer cheekiness of it all is great.
Posted on Tuesday May 22, 2012, 21:44
perhaps one of the towns people from blazing saddles!?
Posted on Tuesday May 22, 2012, 22:54
Why was John Terry at the Harry Potter Premiere. I know they are entitled to invite people but I don't understand why John Terry? At least invite people who work in the movie industry.