Indiana Jones Lego: A Scientific Investigation

Indiana Jones Lego: A Scientific Investigation

Posted on Monday February 4, 2008, 15:35 by Olly Richards in Empire States

There are several reasons I lament leaving childhood and being less than two years from 30 (Whew…my therapist says the first step is admitting it). There’s the fact that being able to grow facial hair gets old really quickly; that a sofa is now something to sit on and not an impenetrable fort just waiting to be assembled; that Thundercats is clearly not, on reflection, better than Citizen Kane. But possibly most upsetting of all is the injustice that I lived in a time before Lego became amazing.

These little interlocking bits of primary-coloured plastic were my greatest pleasure as a small person and, when not making huge towers, robot guns or a big mess, I longed for the Lego Pirate Ship like Jessica Alba longs for people to take her seriously. But, as with Miss Alba’s dream, it was never going to happen. I offered to swap my younger brother for one, but his propensity for wiping snot anywhere it would adhere evidently made him a poor trade. I was to live a shipless existence. And now over the years I have watched the release of Lego themed on Spider-man, Star Wars and Batman. But now has come the final blow, they’ve gone and made Indiana Jones Lego. And it’s fantastic. Why not just release a Rear Window set and then stab me in the soul?

Fortunately, the intervening years have brought a pair of nephews (for whom to buy toys for ‘their enjoyment’) and a job that means I can call Lego and ask them to send me film related playthings under the guise of important journalistic research. Huzzah. So, in the name of public service, I present to you Lego Indiana Jones: The Original Trilogy - A Scientific and Not At All Childish Assessment Thereof.

Motorcycle Chase

There’s little more to this one other than a couple of crates, a stripy barrier and a youthful looking quizzical Nazi, but it has one element that gives it a shot at Greatest Toy Ever: it comes with a Lego Sean Connery tucked in Indy’s motorcycle sidecar. Now, show me a person who doesn’t pick that up and instantly start mishpronounshiing their eshesh and I’ll show you a pod person. They’ve even got the curled corner of the mouth spot on. He may be wearing an inexplicable pith helmet, but I’ll forgive that because it’s spiffy and I suspect that bucket hats are hard to render in plastic without making the figure look like a Flowerpot Man.

Race For The Stolen Treasure

Technically, this is a superb piece. Love the genuinely evil looking Nazi drivers. Love that Indy’s whip uncurls enough to hook on to things. Love the attention to detail of having little bars around the rim of the truck so that you can re-create hanging-on-for-dear-life moments while flinging makeshift dust into Indy’s face (a little flour mixed with a touch of cocoa powder gives a good approximation…I’d imagine). However, there is one unforgivable error in this set and it’s right there in the name. What is this “Stolen Treasure”? There is no treasure in Raiders. There is an ark and I believe it was full of spirits, not coloured Perspex. I’ll concede that giving a small child a miniature crate filled with skeletal ghouls might be non-conducive to good social adjustment, but it could have been left empty. It’s a mcguffin. Mcguffins can be sketchily recreated. Sadly points must be deducted for revisionism.

The Lost Tomb

It’s kind of rude to mention it, but this little Karen Allen has moustache issues. It’s probably intended as lipstick, but there’s definitely a hint of John Waters in the upper lip area. However, her head rotates to show different expressions – benign or terrified – so it all balances out. Facial topiary aside, this is fantastic. Every detail of the snake-filled tomb is here, from the collapsible Anubis statues and pillars, to the perfectly recreated ark, to, well, the snakes. There’s even the little in-joke drawing of R2-D2 and C-3PO on the wall. Marvellous stuff.

Temple Escape

The daddy of the series, this features an incredibly faithful recreation of the opening to Raiders of the Lost Ark. The removal of the idol causes the room to start collapsing; there’s a pit to swing across; there’s a slowly lowering door to make retrieval of hat difficult. And, yes, there is the famous boulder that chases our little, semi-articulated hero. I couldn’t get it to roll with a satisfactory rumble, but then such are the limits of hollow plastic. The brilliant extra touches include figures of Belloq and Satipo (even if it does make Alfred Molina look more like Short Round) and my favourite part: the bi-plane. It’s got the in-joke name (OB-3PO) and even a little snake, as in the film. Now that’s the kind of attention to detail I like to see. The nephews will have to fight me to keep this one.

All in all, a near perfect translation of the series to angular plastic. I must, howevr, take exception with the lack of Temple of Doom set. I know it’s the least celebrated of the series, but surely a mine cart set or secret bug infested passage could have been easily created. And I want a Lego Short Round, dammit. Maybe this could be rectified in the future.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s a sofa over there just begging to become a stronghold against the injuns. Men, to the arm rests! I mean, battlements!