Paddy Power Can't Give You Guillermo del Toro Back...
Posted on Tuesday June 1, 2010, 15:20 by Chris Hewitt in Empire States
Paddy Power, those well-known film buffs (they’ve got every DVD in the Criterion Collection, except for Armageddon, which they taped off Sky), have just sent us the most staggering press release of the summer so far: a rundown of odds on the contenders to direct The Hobbit.
Paddy Power’s contenders, that is. For their list mainly seems to be a smattering of famous directors, rather than actual contenders to replace Guillermo del Toro at the helm of the Lord of the Rings prequel(s). There’s no Sam Raimi on there, for instance. No Neill Blomkamp (even though we think that he’s a true longshot). No Frank Darabont (who would be on any shortlist we drew up). Instead, we get… well, let’s take a look, shall we?
Sir Peter Jackson 5/4 – the overwhelming favourite. Nothing wrong with PJ’s name here – he did direct LOTR, after all, and is executive producer and co-writer of The Hobbit films. It would seem like a no-brainer to step into del Toro’s shoes, to minimise disruption after all. But he’s apparently already ruled himself out of the running. Hardly surprising – the whole reason del Toro was directing The Hobbit in the first place was because Jackson doesn’t want to go there again. And he’s also got tons of new projects, including a second Tintin, The Dambusters and Temeraire, to keep him occupied.
Brett Ratner 4-1 – Well, he has form in this department, stepping in on X3 with just a few weeks to go before shooting started. And while he’s got a few projects in development at the moment, including Tower Heist and Beverly Hills Cop IV, nothing is ready to go just yet. So he could easily drop everything and head down to NZ. But the geek backlash would probably make Sauron’s rage look like a teenager’s tantrum, and Wellington probably doesn’t have enough happening nightclubs to keep The Rat happy.
Guillermo del Toro 5-1 – Erm… didn’t he just quit as director? Clearly, Paddy Power is hedging its bets, and hoping that the Big Man can be talked round. But we suspect that this particular bull is not for turning… unless MGM gets its act together in the next five minutes.
JJ Abrams 7-1 – Oh, Paddy… JJ is busy directing Super 8. Then he’s got Star Trek 2 to do. Do your research, people!
Christopher Nolan 10-1 – Again, the guy is going to be fairly preoccupied for the next couple of years with a little movie called Batman 3. Also, we can’t imagine that a man who, like del Toro, likes to create the worlds of his movies from the ground up, would be happy about, essentially, having to work with del Toro’s designs, blueprints and creative decisions. Sloppy seconds are not Nolan’s style.
Ridley Scott 12-1 – At last, a call that actually makes some sense! Sir Ridley is a master visualist, more than capable of following in PJ’s and GdT’s footsteps. Although he is going to be busy with his own set of prequels, the next two episodes in the Alien series. Mind you, it would be interesting to see Russell Crowe as Bilbo. And Mark Strong as Smaug…
Ron Howard 16-1 – The father of Bryce, brother of Clint and seventh cousin twice removed of Tim (we made that one up, we think) is currently directing his next movie, Cheaters. But his fantasy credentials are impeccable – this is the man, after all, who directed Willow. Hello? Hello?
Tim Burton 20-1 – Not. Going. To. Happen.
Steven Spielberg 25-1 – Well, he has collaborated with Jackson on the Tintin movies and… no! Spielberg is not a hired hand. Simples.
James Cameron 33-1 – Stop it now, Paddy Power. You’re just being silly.
Kathryn Bigelow 33-1 – Now this one we would love to see, but there's about as much chance of Bigelow, newly-minted Oscar-winner, climbing on board The Bilbo Express than there is of Theo Walcott going to the World Cup. Mind you, 33-1… NO! NO! NO!
Guy Ritchie 40-1 – You’re ‘avin a giraffe, aintcha?
Martin Scorsese 50-1 – Don’t waste your money.
Quentin Tarantino 50-1 – We’d love to see a Hobbit movie that begins with the end, finishes with the middle and has the middle at the end. We imagine he’d insist on rewriting, though, which could lead to a ten-minute Gandalf monologue about why Thorin Oakenshield is a bitch. We’d invest our winnings (£250 off a £5 bet) just to see that happen.
Woody Allen 80-1 – Although making two Hobbit films would give everyone a chance to say, once the first is released, how much they preferred his ‘early, furry films’, the Woodster isn’t a good fit for Middle-Earth.
George Lucas 100-1 – They’re just being ridiculous now.
Michael Moore 200-1 – We’d love to see an in-depth investigation into how Smaug got his gold as much as the next guy. But we think you’re better off putting your money to better use, like buying health insurance in the US.
But, just when you think Paddy Power's predictions can’t get any crazier, they’re also offering an option to bet on when The Hobbit will be released. They’re giving odds of 500-1 that it will be released sometime this year. And if you want to put some money on that, then we've got a fresh copy of Avatar 2 to sell you.
But if you do feel sufficiently moved to throw down a tenner on the next director of The Hobbit, go here.
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Posted on Wednesday June 2, 2010, 20:27
How much did Empire get paid for this piece of shit advertising? Chris, you sad sell out.
Posted on Thursday June 3, 2010, 02:43
I believe he was mocking the site, not promoting it.
Posted on Thursday June 3, 2010, 10:24
Then why is there a link to it at the bottom of the piece? If he was really only interested in taking the piss, that wouldn't be there.
Posted on Friday June 4, 2010, 13:48
Yeah, you see so many adverts these days that spend ages telling you why the product's rubbish, then ask you to buy it. Damn you Empire!
(For the benefit of Anglophobia, I should point out this is sarcasm.)
Posted on Monday June 7, 2010, 23:00
Why is MGM acting up like they are though? These are going to be movies that make money even if they suck.
Since Guillermo del Toro has dropped out, then my favourites are Sir Peter and Terry Gilliam, just cos the latter would totally fuck with the material.
Could Peter Weir do it? Or Michael Mann in Last of the Mohicans mode?
Posted on Thursday June 10, 2010, 15:51
I think Sam Raimi should actually be up there. He kinda had a medieval thing going on Army of Darkness and he proved he can rock out with a monster budget on Spider Man 1 & 2. I think he'd be a good choice, though Del Toro would be better.
Though it would be hilarious to see a Guy Ritchie version, I mean it is essentially a heist film, with an ensemble cast that has funny names and bizarre atributes, isn't that Ritchie's thing?
Posted on Friday June 11, 2010, 19:24
What are the odds for Uwe Boll?
Posted on Thursday August 12, 2010, 12:52
McG or Bay, defo. Like to see the goblins mess with Bilbo tooled up with a mini-gun! Seriously though, this is so important, to old-school fans and peeps who never read the books (shame, shame!!), that I want it to have the same feel as LOTR. Therefore, there's no hurry. When Jackson has finished his list, get him to do it then. I know he said he was all LOTR-d out after the trilogy, but time sootheth the brow. Who knows, maybe his Tintin and Temeraire will be flops? (yeah, right)