Beat The Odds With Bond | The Empire Blog

Beat The Odds With Bond

Posted on Wednesday April 28, 2010, 17:50 by Steve Charnock in Empire States

Are you angry that you didn’t back the winning horse Don’t Push It for the Grand National this year? Maybe you’re indignant with an impotent rage because that 45 football team accumulator you put on at the weekend didn‘t come in? Well, don’t fret reader, because your friendly and sideburned tipster Empire McCririck is here to gesticulate wildly, make a series of inappropriate, misogynist comments and help you win back some of that hard-earned cash from the bookies.

Last week it was announced that MGM had suspended filming on the latest James Bond film ‘indefinitely’ (that’s the status of the suspension, not a terrible name for the project) due to the stuido’s financial difficulties. And by ‘financial difficulties’ we don’t mean that they’re into their overdraft a bit, we mean that they are $3.7 billion in debt…

But while there has been no indication that current Bond Daniel Craig will be replaced, previous lengthy halts to productions have seen 007s recast. The six-year gap between Licence To Kill and Goldeneye saw Timothy Dalton replaced by Pierce Brosnan. The Irishman was himself then succeeded by current incumbent Craig after the four-year hiatus between Die Another Day and Casino Royale.

With that in mind, bookmakers have compiled and announced odds on the next actor to don the tuxedo and sexually harass Ms. Moneypenny. So sit back, check the odds, follow our betting advice and then immediately quit your job and wait for the huge payout that’ll be heading your way.

Sam Worthington (9/4) - Avatar’s Australian did screen test (albeit unsuccessfully of course) for Casino Royale, but after recent success, he’s the firm favourite of the front-runners here.

Will Smith (6/1) – He’s a popular runner, but his nationality (no American has ever seriously been considered for the role) could rule him out of the race.

Christian Bale (8/1) - Bale’s commitment to both the Terminator and the Dark Knight franchises must surely make him a Dark Horse for Bond. Ha! Dark Horse!

Clive Owen (10/1) – My personal choice of the favourites. I love Clive Owen and I am quite prepared to fight anyone who doesn’t agree with me about how great he is. Meet me outside.

Alex O’Loughlin (12/1) - we’ll save you having to Google him - he’s Kevin Hiatt from The Shield.

Dougray Scott (12/1) - Awful odds!

Idris Elba (14/1) - Guardian readers will be pleased to note that The Wire’s Stringer Bell gets a mention here.

Orlando Bloom (14/1) - No. Just, just no.

Henry Cavill (16/1) - Pipped to role by Craig at the last auditions, he also just missed on being Edward in the totally brilliant and in no way risible children’s film, (we don’t want to annoy the ‘Twi-hards’ do we?) *shudder* Twilight. And he missed out on Bond last time, and Batman, and Superman. At least he's in The Tudors.

James Purefoy (16/1) – This stallion has a chance.

Julian McMahon (18/1) - The chap from Nip/Tuck, anyone? No? Oh.

Goran Visnjic (18/1) - He also missed on being cast in Casino Royale.

Hugh Jackman (18/1)

Andy Whitfield (20/1) - From an unknown Roman stable, Whitfield can soon be see in the title role in the utterly insane-looking new TV series Spartacus: Blood & Sand

Sam Riley (20/1) - Ian Curtis proving that a bullet in the back of the head Will Tear Us Apart? Nah.

Jamie Foxx 20/1) - They’re just listing actors now aren’t they?

Gerard Butler (20/1) - He sounds a bit like Connery. That’s about it.

Rufus Sewell (20/1)

Ewan McGregor (25/1)

Craig Fairbrass (25/1) - You loved him in Cliffhanger; it’s Dan from Eastenders!

Jude Law (33/1)

Colin Salmon (33/1) - Well, given that he was in the Brosnan Bonds, Eon does at least have his phone number…

Dominic West (33/1)

Max Ryan (40/1) - Has probably got as much chance as Meg Ryan.

Aiden Turner (40/1) – Again, close that search box; this is Mitchell from BBC Three’s Being Human.

Eric Bana (40/1)

Adrian Paul (50/1) Yep, the 51 year-old Highlander star. Really. This Gee-Gee should probably be sold to the glue factory.

Guy Pearce (50/1) - Unlikely.

Colin Farrell (50/1) - Unlikelier

Colin Firth (50/1) - Even less likely

Russell Crowe (80/1)

P. Diddy (100/1) – Do you get the impression that they’re just naming people at random at this point?

Hugh Grant (100/1) - You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make sure it’s not an irritating, foppish wash-up.

Rupert Everett (150/1)

Robbie Williams (250/1) - WHY DOES HE ALWAYS GET MENTIONED?!

David Walliams (500/1) - An ‘hilarious’ inclusion to the list.

But this list smacks of glamour and ultimately, expense. MGM will most likely be looking to tighten the purse-strings on their next Bond project, so may well be forced to look for a cheaper option. Here are some outside bets for the next Bond. Probably best that you keep your bets on theses runners pretty small…

Dominic Cooper - A legitimate shout: a good actor, handsome and well-liked. At 31 now, he is, in Empire McCririck’s opinion, the pick of the non-runners.

Robert Pattinson - guaranteed viewers, though they would all be screaming, squirming 14 year-old girls.

Daniel Radcliffe - An outside bet for Bond because, er, well… No. He’s not in the race - he was shot at the paddocks (okay, I’ll stop with this tired horse-racing schtick now).

Nicholas Hoult - Well, he’s an English actor isn’t he?

Danny Dyer - Cast alongside Tamer Hassan (as a fat, cockney Blofeld), Danny likes a bit of a barney, and loves birds, shooters and motahs. Any international crime syndicates mug ’im off though and there’ll be a right pwoper dust-up. Claret everywhere, bruv.

Um… Er… Bobby Davro?

We give up.

Have we missed someone out? Who would you cast as a potential replacement for DC? Maybe you’d like to suggest your own cheeky 1000/1 outsider? Or just complain about how desperately gimmicky this post was.

As ever, comments below…