• Daily Quiz
• Movie News
• Blogs
• Reviews
• Future Films
• Features
• Interviews
• Images
• Competitions
• Forum
• iPad
• Podcast
• Magazine

Who Should Be The New Host Of The BBC's Film 2010, 2011...?

Posted on Thursday January 7, 2010, 13:34 by Chris Hewitt in Empire States

So Jonathan Ross has decided to leave the BBC. Which means that, when the next season of Film [Insert Year Here] comes back on our screens, there’ll be a different pair of hopefully pert buttocks in the chair that Ross has filled so well since Barry Norman retired.

But whose buttocks should they be? Here, we evaluate the runners and riders for the best job in film journalism.

Charlie Brooker
Who he? The Guardian’s brilliant, witty and terribly acerbic TV critic.
Pros: He’s something of a genius wordsmith, and he’s got lots of TV experience both in front of and behind the camera.
Cons: He’s the angriest man in the world, and wouldn’t like anything. ANYTHING. Might be too angry for Auntie Beeb.

James King
Who he? Radio 1’s resident film critic.
Pros: He’s got lots of experience, and has the common touch. He’s also the spitting image of our very own Olly Richards, so Olly could stand in for him when he goes on holiday and NOBODY WOULD KNOW.
Cons: How can we say this? He perhaps lacks the gravitas that should be a prerequisite for the job.

Jason Solomons
Who he? Top film critic for The Observer, who’s been branching into radio and telly over the last few years.
Pros: He’s hugely knowledgeable, very well connected, and a damn good writer.
Cons: Love ya, Jase, but you might not be high-profile enough to fill Wossy’s shoes. And you might be too highbrow, too. A Film Whatever presenter has to like the big commercial stuff, too.

Kim Newman
Who he? Empire’s legendary film critic.
Pros: He knows everything about film. Everything. Seriously. Man’s a machine. Viewers casually channel-surfing would do a double-take once they saw his distinctive Victorian garb, convinced that they’ve somehow travelled back in time.
Cons: He wouldn’t be able to film during the daytime. DC owns the rights to his likeness, which would cause all sorts of legal havoc.

Videblogisode Man
Who he? Empire’s legendary Comic-Con videblogisode presenter. He is NOT me. I don’t know why you would think that.
Pros: He’s a larger than life figure. He has his own cape. His film knowledge is unsurpassed - he’s seen all two X-Men films.
Cons: His alter-ego will be hosting ITV’s rival film show at the same time. He preferred the Brett Ratner X-Men film. He has his own cape.

Dane Bowers
Who he? Christ knows, but he’s in the Celebrity Big Brother house, so he must be famous.
Pros: He knows all about Korean cinema, and summed up Oldboy thus: "It's about this softie who is kept in a room and comes out a right hardnut.” He couldn’t remember what the film was called, though.
Cons: We don’t know who he is.

Darren Gough
Who he? Former England cricketer, shit Strictly Come Dancing contestant and no-nonsense Yorkshireman.
Pros: An article in Shortlist on his favourite films had us cracking up. He’d up the show’s comedy quotas considerably.
Cons: He’s quite clearly an idiot.

Richard Hammond
Who he? Hamster-haired daredevil Top Gear presenter.
Pros: He would take the show – somewhat staid and deskbound, to be fair – and revamp it, with tricks and japes and daredevil stunts.
Cons: He’d probably bang his head while recreating the opening bungee jump from Goldeneye.

Alex Zane
Who he? The Sun’s film critic, and all-round TV pretty boy/annoyance.
Pros: Erm… oh, here’s one. He’s well-known and has a very pretty, shiny face.
Cons: He’s The Sun’s film critic. Christ almighty.

Anne Billson
Who she? Respected and legendary film critic.
Pros: She’s like the female Kim Newman. Only without a ‘tache. She’d be the first woman to host Film Whatever. She’s not Fearne Cotton.
Cons: She’s maybe not quite high-profile enough for the BBC. She’s not Fearne Cotton.

Mark Kermode
Who he? The nation’s favourite grumpy, bequiffed film critic.
Pros: He came out on top of Empire’s Twitter survey to find a Wossy replacement. People love him and his rants on the Simon Mayo podcast. He’s on TV so much that the government is thinking of increasing the licence fee just to pay for his wages.
Cons: Like Charlie Brooker, he may be too angry and not accessible or cuddly enough to anchor the BBC’s flagship film show.

Adam & Joe
Who they? The genius comedians behind The Adam & Joe Show.
Pros: They know a lot about film. They’re quirky and fun, and would give the show a kick up the backside. We’d pay good money to see them revamp the theme tune alone, via their Song Wars contest.
Cons: Joe is writing and directing his own movie, Attack The Block, and may be a bit too busy. The BBC will probably hire Dick & Dom instead.

Barry Norman
Who he? Mr. Film Whatever, and one of the greatest men alive.
Pros: He wrote the book on how to present this show. He wears lovely jumpers and has a readymade catchphrase. Well, not really…
Cons: He’s retired and won’t plan on budging. But who better to replace Wossy than the man who Wossy, himself, replaced?

Who do you think should fill Wossy’s shoes, then? Have we suggested the ideal candidate? Or do you think we’ve overlooked the likes of Andrew Collins, Lauren Laverne and Ben 10?

Over to you...