Why can't all premiere parties be like the one for Le Donk?

Posted on Tuesday October 13, 2009, 12:53 by Damon Wise in Empire States

The London Film festival kicks off tomorrow with the world premiere of Wes Anderson's Fantastic Mr Fox, and the party afterwards will be a star-studded, lavish affair. But will it be as good as the bash that was held at a community centre near Covent Garden on Sunday night? Devised by Shane Meadows and his producing partner Mark Herbert, the do – to promote the release of their new mockumentary Le Donk & Scor-Zay-Zee – followed in the same vein as the fantastic party they threw in Edinburgh. That was the party where the director of Humpday won a box of anal lubricant in a tombola that furnished me with a badge that said 'SEXY', where Shane did a DJ set of ska and reggae, where Mark played some disco, and where the bar consisted of a Formica table with lots of Sainsbury's Basic mixers on it and a binful of free Brewdog beer underneath. During the night, Le Donk (aka Paddy Considine) sang 'Calm Down, Deidre Barlow' and Scorz obliged us with a rap.

So how would they follow that? Easy. This time the beer came in a paddling pools full of ice, with lots of bottles of warm Lambrusco on a bar that also offered Magners (pear) cider. There was food too, with cocktail sausages, crisps and pots and pots of Pot Noodle, in every available flavour. Donk and Scorz did their thing, the raffle offered up such amazing prizes as a DVD about fly-fishing, and there was a Pin The Tail On Le Donk game, where we had to stick a Blu-Tac'ed tail onto a cartoon donkey with Paddy's face on it. Personally, I didn't get to play Splat The Rat, which involved using a rolling pin to whack a sock stuffed with marbles, but I did get given a pair of Y-fronts by Mark (this memorable moment is pictured above), which, of course, I immediately put over my trousers so I could have a dance to Vanilla Ice.

My only disappointment was that, being on a Sunday, the organisers didn't quite get everyone they wanted. Looking around the room, I saw Vanessa Feltz, Sally Hawkins, Olivia Colman, Edgar Wright (whose voice has gone all Americanadian), Jamie Jay Johnson (director of Sounds Like Teen Spirit), David Bloom (writer of Donkey Punch) and Alice Lowe off Garth Merenghi. Which was quite a nice crowd, although I was half-promised Roger Daltrey, Agness Deyn, Steps, Rusty Lee and Mad Lizzie (they'd told one of the women planning the party to invite Dustin Gee, just to see if she knew that he was dead). Still, even without these dignitaries, the party was fabulous, and I was happy to part with 75p for admission (correct change only) and dance around in my pants. And tomorrow, when I look round the room and see Bill Murray and Meryl Streep, although I'm sure I'll be having a very nice time, part of me will be yearning for a Party Popper, some Quavers and a playing card with a topless bird on it.

Ah, Mr Meadows, with these credit crunch parties you are spoiling us...