An Open Letter to Mark Wahlberg

An Open Letter to Mark Wahlberg

Posted on Monday October 27, 2008, 13:46 by Dan Goodswen in Empire States

Dear Mark Wahlberg,

I have been a fan of yours for many years, probably since your break-out performance in Boogie Nights. I saw Three Kings three times in the cinema, and you were fantastic. In my household, yours is a name not to be slighted. I have defended you on many occasions and would like to keep doing so, but you’re making my job very difficult as of late.

We are all aware of what a shambles The Happening turned out to be, and that’s okay, you know, everyone makes mistakes. Being in one bad movie every now and then is alright – ask Michael Caine – but imagine my soul-destroying disappointment when the first reviews of your latest film, Max Payne, started rolling in. Another critical bomb in the space of six months? I knew I had to take action, and that is why I find myself writing to you here. The pen is mightier than the sword, Mark Wahlberg, and the keyboard is like the machine gun of pens. I hope you understand that I’m doing this for your own good.

If we’re being honest, this isn’t the first time this has happened, is it Mark? I’m referring to the fallow period that was 2001/2002. In that space of time you managed to undo much of the hard work of your early career. Your first summer tent-pole, Planet of the Apes, felt more like Planet of the Turkeys. Again, probably not your fault; you weren’t to know that the usually untouchable Tim Burton would be making the first stumble of his stellar career. It must have seemed like a safe bet to you, I get it, but shit happens, and shit surely happened for that two hours of unwatchable drivel. Next you released Rock Star, which I really enjoyed. As a fan of 80s cock rock, it was a hilarious and touching tale of one man’s rise and fall, and his subsequent self-realisation. And Jennifer Aniston looked hot! Problem was, Mark, that nobody saw it. When I say Rock Star, people say, “what?” And The Truth About Charlie? The truth was that it was a turkey on a Thanksgiving scale, and that if there’s a modern-day Cary Grant out there, it’s your erstwhile co-star George Clooney. I hoped your lesson had been learned.

You turned things around admirably in 2003. The Italian Job was no Oscar winner, but it was solid summer fare, and you looked like you were enjoying your career again. You followed that up with I Heart Huckabees, the second time you’d worked with David O. Russell, and I’m prepared to go out on a limb here, Mark, and say that you were the best part of a very good film. Your environmentally friendly fireman was a delight, and I hope you get chance to work with Russell again. Perhaps now would be a good time? Around this time you also started producing Entourage, one of the best shows on TV. If only you were in it more often! But really, great work there. High five, or what ever it is that you do. And you made a solid popcorn movie in Four Brothers. It wasn’t perfect, but it was watchable, and people liked it. Then Invincible, which was a fantastic film, just great – and that Elizabeth Banks… man, she’s smokin’. You capped off a fine couple of years with probably your best performance to date as Sergeant Dignam in The Departed. Wow, man, what a film, and what a role. You opened a lot of people’s eyes to your talent, and the Academy was only too happy to provide a nomination for your efforts. Again, for a film so rich in acting ability, you stood out, unafraid to make yourself heard, and people loved you for it.

Which brings me to my next point. Stop taking the love for granted, Mark Wahlberg. The Shooter was a fun, balls to the wall action flick – but it was not a stretch of your talents. We Own the Night had good moments, but lacked that certain something, like a decent plot. That brings us up to this year’s shortcomings, and it pains my heart to be this blunt with you. I don’t know what you need to do – read more scripts, trade in your agent – but you need to stop the bleeding. There’s only so much turkey a guy can eat before he gets bored or falls asleep. I don’t want the audience to fall asleep on your career, I don’t want to have to say, ‘Oh, man, Mark Wahlberg used to be good’. I want to be able to spark a passionate defence when somebody thinks they know about your capabilities; shit, more than that I want people to know for themselves just how good you can be.

It’s not all bad news. In your promotions for Max Payne you went on Saturday Night Live and lampooned yourself in a skit with Andy Samberg. More of that please. In the upcoming 12 months you have some fine projects in development. Peter Jackson’s adaptation of The Lovely Bones looks like a seriously meaty role, and lord knows Jackson wouldn’t have hired you if he didn’t think you were up to the task. Then there’s Darren Aronofsky’s The Fighter, which, if it still happens, has the potential to be your Raging Bull.

If you’re reading this, Mark, know that it comes from the heart. It’s all love, really. I’m just a fan who finds it difficult to watch the downfall of somebody who should be on top, and deep down I know that you won’t let yourself slip of the map, that you’ve just lost your way but will soon be back on course. I hope you realize that just because Max Payne opened at the top of the US Box Office that it shouldn’t encourage repeat performances. Max Payne II would be suicidal – but you know that, right? Say you do, Mark, say you know how to fix things and stay on top, and I’ll sleep easier tonight.

Thanks for listening. I’ve said what I needed to say, and now it’s off my chest I feel a lot better, I hope you do too. I hope there are no hard feelings. Next time you’re in town, let me buy you a cranberry juice.

Say hi to your mother for me, okay?

Yours in hope,
Dan Goodswen