In Praise Of Jason Statham - Hollywood's Last All-Out Action Hero

In Praise Of Jason Statham - Hollywood's Last All-Out Action Hero

Posted on Wednesday May 18, 2011, 12:19 by Ali Plumb in Empire States

Last Saturday, I was invited to a Jason Statham movie marathon – a ‘Stathamathon’, if you will – where I watched four Jason Statham movies, back to back: The Mechanic (thumbs up), The Expendables (thumbs down), Blitz (see the review here) and, as voted for by the audience, Crank 2 (double thumbs up, inane grins all round).

Okay, that’s a lie. Though I love Jason very, very much, I couldn’t bear to watch The Expendables again. I just… couldn’t. With a movie as bad as that, once is regrettable, twice is just stupid. Instead, I went to the pub and watched QPR play football – even though I hate football. Really quite a lot.

Anyway, as you might have guessed, the reason for this Stathy extravaganza was in celebration of not only the man himself, but his latest cinematic outing too – namely, Blitz, where our man Jason plays a punch-first-think-later hard-nosed copper who’d rather be bashing the brains out of some thugs with a hurling stick than, you know, actually arresting them and stuff.

But what you’re probably wondering is why on earth I’d want to watch four Jason Statham movies on the trot in the first place – a couple of which I’ve watched many times before. Am I insane? Did I lose a bet? Am I related to him?

No, no, and no (alas). I just love The Stath's movies. Sure, he’s had a few duds, but almost every film he’s been in I really, really enjoy – all the Transporters (yep, including the third), Death Race, Mean Machine, hell, even Gnomeo And Juliet… I’ll watch ‘em again and again and again. Okay, not Gnomeo And Juliet, but he's definitely the best thing in it. Him and Hulk Hogan, anyway.

Still, there are many reasons why I love the man, and if you’ll allow me, I’d like to share them with you. Ready? Here goes…

He’s Hollywood’s last action hero

The Expendables was billed as the greatest gathering of action legends on the planet. Almost all of them were knocking on 50/60 years old, from Bruce to Arnie, Sly to Dolph. Sure, Jason’s 43, but compared to those guys he’s just a wee nipper – and if you’re looking for some B-movie style action shlock, no-one else compares to Jason right now. And don’t even think about mentioning The Rock – before Fast Five, The Rock made The Tooth Fairy, and what’s more, The Stath doesn’t shoot his mouth off like he does. I love The Rock, but would The Stath be on Twitter? ‘Nuff said.

He’s a certified 27 percenter

As outlined in our blog, a 27 percenter is an actor who makes “the movie 27 percent better by seeing fit to exist in its presence” – someone whose appearance "piques your interest in a movie, regardless of title, plot or complete absence of any other redeeming feature, merely because you know they will make it worth watching on some level.” For me, The Stath defines this.

No pretension, all action

Jason isn’t in movies because he wants to be Laurence Olivier, he’s in movies because he’s a charismatic bastard and damn good at martial arts. Plus, he’s built like a tank and could destroy you with the mere cock of his eyebrow, which always helps when you’re taking on a horde of bad guys with just the shirt on your back and a frown on your face.

His acting style almost defies words

Jason Statham can convey emotions using just three key ingredients: frowning, grunting, and staring into the distance. Can you? Can Leonardo DiCaprio? Can Daniel Day Lewis? Can, um, Colin Firth? For the ultimate proof of this, check out The Mechanic, where Jason keeps toe-to-toe with a certified member of the underrated-really-good-actors guild, Ben Foster, mainly by looking like someone’s nicked his dog.

He hasn’t taken the piss out of his hard man image yet

So many action stars like Bruce (Red, The Whole Nine Yards), Arnie (Twins, Kindergarten Cop, etc etc) or Sly (Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot!) have copped out and done a film that takes the piss out of their hard man image. Mr. Statham has not, and that is a beautiful, precious, wonderful thing.

He’s the most bankable bally bloody British star out there right now

The Stayf is a true British institution, like the Queen and afternoon tea. In fact, If the Queen ever did need saving, they’d call The Stath. Okay, well they should.

He is his own genre

When you watch a “Jason Statham movie” you know exactly what you’re getting. And in these troubled economic times, it’s nice to know that when you’re heading to your local movie house emporium. There'll be punching, there'll be kicking, there'll be a grumpy Englishman swearing a lot – guaranteed. And that's great.

Crank and Crank 2

Crank was insane. Crank 2 was insaner. Together, they’re the closest thing the action movie genre has got to a kick up the arse recently, and despite being a GTA mission writ-large on a cinema screen, they’re so frenetic, so mad, so utterly relentless that they’re even more rewarding the second, third, fourth time around. Unlike, say, I don't know... The Tooth Fairy.

He’s keeping action one-liners alive

Examples given: “I'm afraid that your flight's been cancelled”, “I'm trying to catch a bus!”, “What a bunch of sausage Nigels”, “Don’t burst a vessel, penis”, and the immortal, “A potato.” And that’s without any of the fantastic one-liners from Lock Stock and Snatch (“Protection from what? ‘Zee Germans’?”). Hell, I haven’t even mentioned Lock Stock and Snatch!

Lock Stock and Snatch

There. done. Definitive proof that Jason Statham is a legend.

Agree with me? Hate Jason Statham to his very core? Would rather be playing Empire’s “Name That Stath!” picture quiz? Let us know your thoughts in the comment box below, there’s a good chap.