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Trailer For Vampires Suck Online
Or Vampire Trailer Sucks Online

08 July 2010  |  Written by Owen Williams  |  Source: Bloody Disgusting

submit to reddit

It's amazing, we suppose, that this hasn't happened sooner. But do, if you must, have a look at the trailer for Twilight spoof Vampires Suck over at Bloody Disgusting, and see if you can raise a smile.

Directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer were writers on the Scary Movie series and Spy Hard, and on the strength of those classic laugh-fests got themselves promoted behind the camera to Epic Movie, Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans. So you'll know what you're in for if you click the above link: a collection of weak and obvious gags based on Stephanie Meyer's emo juggernaut. There are jokes about Taylor Lautner's shirtlessness. There are jokes about sparkling. There is a joke about "ordering Chinese". 

And, par for the series, there are swipes at other movies and zeitgeisty things. Wonderland's Alice is in there. Lady Gaga is there. And is that opening shot supposed to evoke The Shining

We sat with a Buster Keaton stony face until right at the very end, when someone gets hit with a shovel. Was our snort one of genuine amusement, or derision? By that point it was hard to tell. Judge for yourself, if you dare. The mostly no-star cast features The Hangover's Ken Jeong, and the US release date is August 18th, but we're spared one in the UK so far. Scary Movie 5 is in development. The horror.


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Your Comments

BEST THING ABOUT THIS FILM.......
is that it makes every other bad film out there look like a five star masterpiece. In 9 years that me an my fiance have gone to the cinema twice a week religeously this is the first ever film we've walked out of. Please dont get curious and give this a chance it doesn't deserve to be given away free with a sunday tabloid. More

Posted by aliceck at 12:39 on 05 October 2010 | Report This Post

RE: Everything Sucks In That Clip...Except The Vampires
Whilst I don't advocate piracy, Vampires Suck has been leaked and there is a HD version online (if you REALLY wanted to find it, i'm sure you could), and its every bit as bad as you might expect from Friedberg and Selzter. It basically retreads the first two Twilight movies, and has pop culture references (admittedly nowhere near as many as 'normal' but still making no sense or anything like funny!). The problem for this movie (forgetting for a minute Friedberg and Seltzer) is that th More

Posted by Galahadfairlight at 01:41 on 16 July 2010 | Report This Post

RE: Everything Sucks In That Clip...Except The Vampires
Why do those "spoof" movies always choose such easy or misjudged targets? Like Scary Movie making fun of Scream...which in itself was a satire...of all the horror films to choose from! Jeez! Twilight doesn't even need to be parodied, the films themselves are ridiculous enough! It's like picking on a retard, you just don't do it!!! Films like Airplane!, Top Secret and Naked Gun at least picked on worthy genres and it worked because the original material was so serious and the jok More

Posted by Edward Nygma at 14:45 on 12 July 2010 | Report This Post

RE: Everything Sucks In That Clip...Except The Vampires
L: BenTramer How Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer are allowed to make movies is beyond me, especially comedies. These people have no comic timing whatsoever, they clearly have friends in high places who keep getting them work. For God's sake, stop making this drivel and give people with real talent the break they deserve instead. ight have some thing to do with the combined worldwide gross of there previous 4 movies being around $280 million.They prob cost very little to make as w More

Posted by Frank Castle at 13:16 on 12 July 2010 | Report This Post

RE:
The twilight saga is full of unintentional gags to begin with. The whole boy taking off his shirt too much to show off his body caused laughs in the original. There's nothing clever about taking an unintentional laugh and trying to make it intentional. Its not original or funny. I absolutely cannot stand these two talentless hacks. More

Posted by Judge at 11:18 on 12 July 2010 | Report This Post

well there's now officially a vampire movie worse than van helsing. More

Posted by BethN21286 at 00:30 on 12 July 2010 | Report This Post

Spades in face
always funny. the rest can die. More

Posted by teekay at 22:33 on 08 July 2010 | Report This Post

Ordering Chinese.
That 'gag' was used in Buffy series 3. They did it better. As for this rubbish, at least it looks more enjoyable than the Twilight nonsense. More

Posted by Kev2012 at 20:59 on 08 July 2010 | Report This Post

just once,
would it kill you to just tell us, and not put a bloody link up? we're all grown ups. none of us want to watch this turds. are you not doing your job as unbiased journalists by telling us this films out and that's all., and anyone who's received large blows to the heads and wanting to see it going to the flicks and watching it. and then being sterilised. just to be sure... More

Posted by chola1 at 20:20 on 08 July 2010 | Report This Post

Everything Sucks In That Clip...Except The Vampires
How Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer are allowed to make movies is beyond me, especially comedies. These people have no comic timing whatsoever, they clearly have friends in high places who keep getting them work. For God's sake, stop making this drivel and give people with real talent the break they deserve instead. More

Posted by BenTramer at 20:16 on 08 July 2010 | Report This Post

RE: Trailer For Vampires Suck Online
Sooo I gave the trailer a chance, even though every other film those two douchebags have 'directed' have been God awful, and suprise surprise it was the most painfully unfunny two minutes of my entire life. Ironically the trailers for the genuine Twilight films are around 20x more hysterical than that utter shite. I honestly don't understand what's supposed to be amusing.ough I can hear the comments from other cinema goers, once this hits future screenings, echoing around my head already.. More

Posted by captainrentboy at 17:03 on 08 July 2010 | Report This Post

You've definitely used the wrong poster here Empire....... More

Posted by dunstabledoug at 13:01 on 08 July 2010 | Report This Post

Just why bother reporting what Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer are doing, just why? Those of people who deserve no media attention at all: we need to let their career die as quickly as possible. Who going to be the audience for Vampire Sucks? Twi-hards are not going to sit there and see their heroes be insulted whilst Twi-haters are cinema fans and horror nuts so they will get no joy out the film. More

Posted by freemantle_uk at 12:20 on 08 July 2010 | Report This Post

RE: Hmmm
Empire sucks! For posting this GODAWFUL trailer! That's a minute of my life I'm never getting back! Man, these guys are to comedy what Michael Bay is to the French New Wave... More

Posted by Edward Nygma at 11:22 on 08 July 2010 | Report This Post

Hmmm
Empire you've used the wrong poster/image.....that's the poster from the other vampire comedy movie thing called 'suck' starring iggy pop and Alice Cooper! In all fairness 'Twilight' is probably one of the easier films to make a spoof of....although every other spoof these guys have directed has resulted in utter rubbish. More

Posted by mroobalooba at 10:37 on 08 July 2010 | Report This Post

Fucking shit More

Posted by fireboy at 10:32 on 08 July 2010 | Report This Post

Doesn't Suck
I laughed too, it looks fun. More

Posted by Kurtis93 at 09:42 on 08 July 2010 | Report This Post

You know, this one doesnt actually look that bad... I did smile when Jacob talked about having to take off his shirt every 10 minutes and at least all the jokes seem to be centred around the story. Im not saying im going to go see it, and it probebly is crap... but I do find that this looks alot better than all of their other films. More

Posted by xzynomorpher at 09:28 on 08 July 2010 | Report This Post

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